Littoral
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Broken Breaker"Poems about the coastline
20 total reviews
Comment from I am Cat
Wow!
My lips are actually overworked and tired, as my arms would have been had I been attempting to swim the waves in this poem! lol
The alliteration is crazy in this thing... and also challenging!
I found myself turning back... as a tide would... crashing out... ebbing and flowing... to 'peat and repeat the words to get them right... as the waves rose and crested... so did my tongue on my teeth and lips...
...Newfoundland's far, fog-filled fishing banks...
...such weight of wave...
...providing fodder for photographers...
... that one wave, whipped up by wind...
... space for subsequence;...
to tantalize this tongue, totally titillating, tossing, trapping, till tired. :P
(best I could do under pressure, ok?)
lol
I felt for a moment I might have been drowning if not for the little dingy you sent me) thank for that! :)
I have no idea how many sixes I have left, but I went back and gave you another just a moment ago for another poem... and so i'm saving it for the next one coming up (i'm sure of it) lol But this one, as with all the others, deserves it as well...
Or am I saving it for the needy? I can't remember. :)
You really do need to publish these... perhaps a publisher in Maine would be the way to go? Lighthouses... you need to add lighthouses. :)
Well done. You're pretty amazing. Obviously too good for this world.
Cat
reply by the author on 06-May-2015
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Wow!
My lips are actually overworked and tired, as my arms would have been had I been attempting to swim the waves in this poem! lol
The alliteration is crazy in this thing... and also challenging!
I found myself turning back... as a tide would... crashing out... ebbing and flowing... to 'peat and repeat the words to get them right... as the waves rose and crested... so did my tongue on my teeth and lips...
...Newfoundland's far, fog-filled fishing banks...
...such weight of wave...
...providing fodder for photographers...
... that one wave, whipped up by wind...
... space for subsequence;...
to tantalize this tongue, totally titillating, tossing, trapping, till tired. :P
(best I could do under pressure, ok?)
lol
I felt for a moment I might have been drowning if not for the little dingy you sent me) thank for that! :)
I have no idea how many sixes I have left, but I went back and gave you another just a moment ago for another poem... and so i'm saving it for the next one coming up (i'm sure of it) lol But this one, as with all the others, deserves it as well...
Or am I saving it for the needy? I can't remember. :)
You really do need to publish these... perhaps a publisher in Maine would be the way to go? Lighthouses... you need to add lighthouses. :)
Well done. You're pretty amazing. Obviously too good for this world.
Cat
Comment Written 06-May-2015
reply by the author on 06-May-2015
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You are too lavish with your praise. Why would a publisher in Maine be interested? There is a lighthouse coming up (A Sri Lankan lighthouse as a matter of fact. At the moment I am snowed under with stuff on the car counting front so I haven't had time to do much reviewing. I'd love to publish - find me a publisher and I'll love you forever!
Comment from mfowler
Your exposition of the wave's fury against the protective wall is a dramatic and descriptive, lyrical vision of the sea and its destructive potential. Your use of well rendered meter and wonderful imagery provides the reader with a powerful feeling of involvement. Loved:
To windward, shattered metamorphosis,
from solid green to dazzling white explodes, ..I could see that in mind's eye
whipped up by wind,
into a maritime escarpment,...a fitting metaphor
You employ powerful verbs, descriptive extended noun grousps and subtle enjambment throughout to achieve a highly entertaining poem.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2015
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Your exposition of the wave's fury against the protective wall is a dramatic and descriptive, lyrical vision of the sea and its destructive potential. Your use of well rendered meter and wonderful imagery provides the reader with a powerful feeling of involvement. Loved:
To windward, shattered metamorphosis,
from solid green to dazzling white explodes, ..I could see that in mind's eye
whipped up by wind,
into a maritime escarpment,...a fitting metaphor
You employ powerful verbs, descriptive extended noun grousps and subtle enjambment throughout to achieve a highly entertaining poem.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2015
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Thank you for your most thorough and complimentary review.
Comment from Chris Tee
This poem illustrates how powerful the ocean can be. It is excellent writing and a very enjoyable read. Well done indeed with this chapter.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2015
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This poem illustrates how powerful the ocean can be. It is excellent writing and a very enjoyable read. Well done indeed with this chapter.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2015
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Many thanks for your kind comments.
Comment from flamingstar
Wow. I'm going to have to read this one again. I'm starting to really enjoy this blank verse and love what you did in this one. Fantastic imagery.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2015
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Wow. I'm going to have to read this one again. I'm starting to really enjoy this blank verse and love what you did in this one. Fantastic imagery.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2015
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Oh, thank so much for that lovely green cross on the end. I glad you enjoyed it. Lots more to come
Comment from c_lucas
A cubic yard of water weighs more than a ton. That is quite a force to crash against a wall. This is very well written with good imagery.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2015
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A cubic yard of water weighs more than a ton. That is quite a force to crash against a wall. This is very well written with good imagery.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2015
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I did not know that particular statistic. Thank you. It makes one think how amazingly strong these sea walls have to be to resist that sort of pressure.
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You're welcome, PG. Charlie
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Backdrop information helps set this scene up. Well written. Descriptive language used throughout held reader's interest. Well done. Write on.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2015
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Backdrop information helps set this scene up. Well written. Descriptive language used throughout held reader's interest. Well done. Write on.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2015
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Thank you for your complimentary review.
Comment from BLACKDYKE
I did promise, and here I am. To me, it rhymed Panty' though not in the rhyming sense. I found it an extremely good read and it had me transfixed till the tide went out. I find it powerful and moving at the same time, well it would need to be to shatter the harbour wall.Good Picture to accompany and colours to achieve even visuals. Well worthy of my sixer. Eric
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2015
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I did promise, and here I am. To me, it rhymed Panty' though not in the rhyming sense. I found it an extremely good read and it had me transfixed till the tide went out. I find it powerful and moving at the same time, well it would need to be to shatter the harbour wall.Good Picture to accompany and colours to achieve even visuals. Well worthy of my sixer. Eric
Comment Written 20-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2015
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Thank you for seeking it out and reviewing it so thoroughlky. Glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from Treischel
Yes, this does flow well on its iambic pentameter to ripple in curls and undulations that break upon that granite head wall of poetic blank verse. The format forces strong imagery to carry it off, and you have done that very well. These lines are outstanding and really grabbed me:
The power in that roller's pictured plain
as, rushing on, its crest, high-soaring, cracks;
such weight of wave, invincible and yet
the breaker broke; our harbour wall unharmed,
protecting well those craft lain in its lee;
Of course, as a photographer , the next verse did too.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2015
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Yes, this does flow well on its iambic pentameter to ripple in curls and undulations that break upon that granite head wall of poetic blank verse. The format forces strong imagery to carry it off, and you have done that very well. These lines are outstanding and really grabbed me:
The power in that roller's pictured plain
as, rushing on, its crest, high-soaring, cracks;
such weight of wave, invincible and yet
the breaker broke; our harbour wall unharmed,
protecting well those craft lain in its lee;
Of course, as a photographer , the next verse did too.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2015
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Many thanks for reading and reviewing this and for your careful analysis. Much appreciated.
Comment from livelylinda
Pantygynt: dramatic sea, for sure! Your descriptive words are powerful, so powerful I could feel the jarring made when those waves pounded in. I am unable to choose just a few words or lines for special praise because every line deserves that praise. Very nice writing. livelylinda
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2015
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Pantygynt: dramatic sea, for sure! Your descriptive words are powerful, so powerful I could feel the jarring made when those waves pounded in. I am unable to choose just a few words or lines for special praise because every line deserves that praise. Very nice writing. livelylinda
Comment Written 19-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2015
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Oh, thank you so much Linda for those few words of praise and that lovely green cross. Hang on tight or could get washed away!
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
this pieces best quality is the descriptiveness and startling, vivid imagery. The power of the waves.
Great piece of writing.
The flow of the piece echoes that of the tides described.
Nice work
GMG
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2015
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Hi there,
this pieces best quality is the descriptiveness and startling, vivid imagery. The power of the waves.
Great piece of writing.
The flow of the piece echoes that of the tides described.
Nice work
GMG
Comment Written 19-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2015
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Thank so much for your complimentary review and stars.