Inside My Head
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Hell Found Me"I am what I am,my thoughts, my words,my poems
50 total reviews
Comment from Pearl Edwards
This is a lovely ANZAC poem and it tells the true story of the blunder that cost so many young lives. So much written, so many story, so many young soldiers died, and still they do. Nicely done.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2015
  |
This is a lovely ANZAC poem and it tells the true story of the blunder that cost so many young lives. So much written, so many story, so many young soldiers died, and still they do. Nicely done.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2015
-
Thx for your review Pearl, cheers Bill
Comment from Aussie
"Mum, hell found me as I write this letter to you." "I'd love to be back on the farm now, mum." "I should be home soon, mum and dad. "You will see I'm unhurt, mum and dad." Just a few grammatical mistakes {with respect) we look forward to next week - 100 yrs, since our our blessed ANZACs took that place. Well done Bill.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2015
|
"Mum, hell found me as I write this letter to you." "I'd love to be back on the farm now, mum." "I should be home soon, mum and dad. "You will see I'm unhurt, mum and dad." Just a few grammatical mistakes {with respect) we look forward to next week - 100 yrs, since our our blessed ANZACs took that place. Well done Bill.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2015
-
Thanks for your review,cheers,Bill
-
Will you be marching next Saturday?
-
our service here in our town starts at 10.30,then the street march with the bagpipes playing, finishing at the RSA. The crosses are already set out at the cenataph and have been for 2 weeks now. Even vandals respect this and don't destroy anything, honour among thieves as the saying goes no doubt
-
We have already had a vandal break the sword off a new statue of a Light Horseman. Thankfully, it has been replaced in time. Our march starts at 9am. :-}xx
Comment from victor 66
I don't think there has been any war where there weren't those soldiers, sailors etc. that didn't have a similar experience. But the words, "LEST WE FORGET" is important to all of us. Thank you for your poem and your reminder. P.S. I spent twenty-two months in Vietnam in 1967 and 1968. Many of us felt the same. Best wishes.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2015
|
I don't think there has been any war where there weren't those soldiers, sailors etc. that didn't have a similar experience. But the words, "LEST WE FORGET" is important to all of us. Thank you for your poem and your reminder. P.S. I spent twenty-two months in Vietnam in 1967 and 1968. Many of us felt the same. Best wishes.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2015
-
it's a universal message, thanks for your reveiw
-
You are welcome.
Comment from INtity
Very powerful story in this poem. Easy to conceive the hurt and depression that the narrator felt and the yearning to be back at home. Well done!
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2015
|
Very powerful story in this poem. Easy to conceive the hurt and depression that the narrator felt and the yearning to be back at home. Well done!
Comment Written 20-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2015
-
thanks for your review,Bil
Comment from ElPoetry001
Excellent
Your story is easy to read, understand, feel good about, feel bad about, and informative.
I apologize for a long response, but your story included every idea I have touched on.
Your story is timely, as we progress along the perpetual path of Wars, we realize that many are the myths of strong, valiant men who invaded countries, destroyed people and property, and returned whole: physically and mentally, is only a wish and a prayer.
Your story shows that we have a tsunami that periodically hits our shores, from wars.
[Japanese : tsu, harbor + nami, wave (so called because tsunamis generally pass unnoticed on the open sea, causing a slight swell, but rise to cause damage in the shallow waters of harbors ).]
What a metaphor for the battlefields, the soldiers, the fighting, and the return home.
Among the friends, family, relatives, and lovers, is the hidden angel PTSD. Unnoticed, unassuming, gradually creating damage in the shallow waters of the mind.
When was it when we first heard John speak of the intrusive memories, the recurrent, unwanted distressing memories of the traumatic events of the war, and the reliving the traumatic event as if it were happening again (flashbacks).
And the Tigers come at night, causing emotional reactions:
â?¢ Irritability, angry outbursts or aggressive behavior
â?¢ Always being on guard for danger
â?¢ Overwhelming guilt or shame
â?¢ Self-destructive behavior, such as drinking too much or driving too fast
â?¢ Trouble concentrating
â?¢ Trouble sleeping
â?¢ Being easily startled or frightened
We were not ready for this, mental illness, has long been a leprosy that we will not admit, or treat. Lives without treatment result in the use of alcohol and drugs, domestic violence, crimes, and suicide.
Oh, how we waved and saluted those brave souls that went off to war for us. Now, they are "used," much like the equipment we have left on the battlefields.
These or people who have killed people, in the heat of the battle, not seeing any faces; yet a memory was imprinted that has now been developed by the mind, and the sad eyes of a young soldier look out and asked "why?"
The brave soldier, now at home, awakes, and asks, "Why was it I that had to decide if the young soldier would live or die?"
Where is the hero's welcome, the job, the house, the education, and the financial help? It is almost non-existent, for those veterans, because non-veterans on welfare or some other assistance program are being provided for, to the exclusion of many veterans.
Our greatest disgrace has been the politicians clamoring to fix the ills of the entire world, at the cost of the lives of our sons and daughters, only to realize that it was a propaganda used to shame someone into volunteering.
Our war is now against our government, to pay up, for the promises that were made to our service personnel.
Missing a body part is almost unimaginable, yet people go on. But, PTSD is a disordering of the brain that kills.
Veterans' benefits should be issue number one for all future elections. No troop, no defense, the enemy comes for the politicians first.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2015
 |
Excellent
Your story is easy to read, understand, feel good about, feel bad about, and informative.
I apologize for a long response, but your story included every idea I have touched on.
Your story is timely, as we progress along the perpetual path of Wars, we realize that many are the myths of strong, valiant men who invaded countries, destroyed people and property, and returned whole: physically and mentally, is only a wish and a prayer.
Your story shows that we have a tsunami that periodically hits our shores, from wars.
[Japanese : tsu, harbor + nami, wave (so called because tsunamis generally pass unnoticed on the open sea, causing a slight swell, but rise to cause damage in the shallow waters of harbors ).]
What a metaphor for the battlefields, the soldiers, the fighting, and the return home.
Among the friends, family, relatives, and lovers, is the hidden angel PTSD. Unnoticed, unassuming, gradually creating damage in the shallow waters of the mind.
When was it when we first heard John speak of the intrusive memories, the recurrent, unwanted distressing memories of the traumatic events of the war, and the reliving the traumatic event as if it were happening again (flashbacks).
And the Tigers come at night, causing emotional reactions:
â?¢ Irritability, angry outbursts or aggressive behavior
â?¢ Always being on guard for danger
â?¢ Overwhelming guilt or shame
â?¢ Self-destructive behavior, such as drinking too much or driving too fast
â?¢ Trouble concentrating
â?¢ Trouble sleeping
â?¢ Being easily startled or frightened
We were not ready for this, mental illness, has long been a leprosy that we will not admit, or treat. Lives without treatment result in the use of alcohol and drugs, domestic violence, crimes, and suicide.
Oh, how we waved and saluted those brave souls that went off to war for us. Now, they are "used," much like the equipment we have left on the battlefields.
These or people who have killed people, in the heat of the battle, not seeing any faces; yet a memory was imprinted that has now been developed by the mind, and the sad eyes of a young soldier look out and asked "why?"
The brave soldier, now at home, awakes, and asks, "Why was it I that had to decide if the young soldier would live or die?"
Where is the hero's welcome, the job, the house, the education, and the financial help? It is almost non-existent, for those veterans, because non-veterans on welfare or some other assistance program are being provided for, to the exclusion of many veterans.
Our greatest disgrace has been the politicians clamoring to fix the ills of the entire world, at the cost of the lives of our sons and daughters, only to realize that it was a propaganda used to shame someone into volunteering.
Our war is now against our government, to pay up, for the promises that were made to our service personnel.
Missing a body part is almost unimaginable, yet people go on. But, PTSD is a disordering of the brain that kills.
Veterans' benefits should be issue number one for all future elections. No troop, no defense, the enemy comes for the politicians first.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2015
-
I agree with what you say, it is a very powerful statement, thanks for review, thanks for your rating, Bill
Comment from stephybs
This is a sad truth and you have written it well. Especially the the part I saw them alive then die. That really touched me quite deeply. Excellent poetry ! Stephanie
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2015
|
This is a sad truth and you have written it well. Especially the the part I saw them alive then die. That really touched me quite deeply. Excellent poetry ! Stephanie
Comment Written 20-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2015
-
Thank you Stephanie for your review and the rating you have given it, I didn't realize it would generate so much interest and debate, cheers Bill
Comment from Nosha17
How many soldiers must have lost their lives in the conflict. The British government recently announced plans to celebrate Anzacs Day in England this coming weekend, in memory, they wrote, of the thousands upon thousands of British, Australian, New Zealand and French soldiers who lost their lives. The guy in your poem was fortunate to return home alive, and certainly scarred. Good story line, epitomises the sadness and regret of those soldiers. Excellent rhyming and historical content. Couple of things, hope you don't mind- when anyone addresses another person, a comma is needed before and after the person addressed. Also, in verse 3, there is no such verb form as slewn. It comes from the verb to slay, simple past tense is slew, and past participle which you are using is slain. I know it doesn't rhyme with ensued, but I couldn't think what you could put in its place. Enjoyable read. Faye
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2015
|
How many soldiers must have lost their lives in the conflict. The British government recently announced plans to celebrate Anzacs Day in England this coming weekend, in memory, they wrote, of the thousands upon thousands of British, Australian, New Zealand and French soldiers who lost their lives. The guy in your poem was fortunate to return home alive, and certainly scarred. Good story line, epitomises the sadness and regret of those soldiers. Excellent rhyming and historical content. Couple of things, hope you don't mind- when anyone addresses another person, a comma is needed before and after the person addressed. Also, in verse 3, there is no such verb form as slewn. It comes from the verb to slay, simple past tense is slew, and past participle which you are using is slain. I know it doesn't rhyme with ensued, but I couldn't think what you could put in its place. Enjoyable read. Faye
Comment Written 20-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2015
-
Thanks for your comments, rating, and addressing those points you mention, I appreciate your input,cheers Bill
Comment from paperwait
This is very profound. It shows a great insight into the mind of a soldier at war. What is the source for your inspiration? I am guessing that you have the passed down memories or letters of those who were there. It flows very well and creates images that are rightfully disturbing. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2015
|
This is very profound. It shows a great insight into the mind of a soldier at war. What is the source for your inspiration? I am guessing that you have the passed down memories or letters of those who were there. It flows very well and creates images that are rightfully disturbing. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2015
-
Thanks for your review and rating, it is passed down from older generations and kept very much alive here in New Zealand
Comment from Travis64
I really enjoyed this and the heartfelt emotion it evoked. The images were thought provoking and had me thinking while at the same time pulled at my heartstrings. My only critique is the first stanza did not read quite as smoothly as the rest of the poem, perhaps too wordy unlike the other stanza, but all in all, it was well written and I still believe it deserves a six! Thanks for sharing! Well done!
~Travis64
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2015
|
I really enjoyed this and the heartfelt emotion it evoked. The images were thought provoking and had me thinking while at the same time pulled at my heartstrings. My only critique is the first stanza did not read quite as smoothly as the rest of the poem, perhaps too wordy unlike the other stanza, but all in all, it was well written and I still believe it deserves a six! Thanks for sharing! Well done!
~Travis64
Comment Written 20-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2015
-
Thanks Travis for your review and the rating you have given it, it's much appreciated, cheers Bill
Comment from alexisleech
What a wonderful piece of poetry to remind us of the fruitless and appalling loss of life war creates. By making so many references to 'Mum and Dad' you remind us how young many of these soldiers were. What point is there to being called a hero, if the lad's young mind is scared forever? No wonder he buried the medal. As a writer, not a poet, I kept wanting to put an apostrophe before the words Mum and Dad, and also capitalise them, but I'm not sure if that applies here.
Alexis x
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2015
|
What a wonderful piece of poetry to remind us of the fruitless and appalling loss of life war creates. By making so many references to 'Mum and Dad' you remind us how young many of these soldiers were. What point is there to being called a hero, if the lad's young mind is scared forever? No wonder he buried the medal. As a writer, not a poet, I kept wanting to put an apostrophe before the words Mum and Dad, and also capitalise them, but I'm not sure if that applies here.
Alexis x
Comment Written 20-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2015
-
Thanks for your review and rating, war is fruitless and appalling as you say, Bill
