A Tribute To Mom (Maggaw)
The death of a loved one is very depressing at any age.52 total reviews
Comment from RGstar
Lovely,. but you need to watch the rhythm as you rhyme on the second and fourth lines, so have to use more female endings or less harsh words at times.
Even with an even syllable count, rhythm can be out, so just something to keep in min.
The is beautifully laid down, in thought and words. Having lost my mother to cancer, I feel your write in a personal sense.
Well done.
Good luck with the write.
Best wishes,
RG
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2015
  |
Lovely,. but you need to watch the rhythm as you rhyme on the second and fourth lines, so have to use more female endings or less harsh words at times.
Even with an even syllable count, rhythm can be out, so just something to keep in min.
The is beautifully laid down, in thought and words. Having lost my mother to cancer, I feel your write in a personal sense.
Well done.
Good luck with the write.
Best wishes,
RG
Comment Written 11-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2015
-
Thank you for your kind words and generous rating. Thank you, also for the excellent advice.
Comment from Dean Kuch
Your dear mom sounds a lot like my mother-in-law who we lost to pancreatic cancer in 2012. You're absolutely right in saying that no matter what our age, the loss of a parent in never an easy thing to go through. We are a part of them, and they a part of us. When one or the other dies, it tears away a piece of the fabric that makes us whole. That tear can be mended, but a portion will always be missing, and it can never be repaired completely. We simply cope as best we can, and live on.
Your poem was lovely, and it features many poetic devices, such as good enjambment to keep the thoughts flowing smoothly. You utilize a unique rhyme scheme and good cadence or flow.
One line I did question came in your second stanza, third line...
"Memories long passed past filled with laughter and tears.
I wondered if you hadn't meant "long past" here instead?
Anyhow, regardless of that minor nit, it is an exceptional poem indeed.
~Dean
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2015
|
Your dear mom sounds a lot like my mother-in-law who we lost to pancreatic cancer in 2012. You're absolutely right in saying that no matter what our age, the loss of a parent in never an easy thing to go through. We are a part of them, and they a part of us. When one or the other dies, it tears away a piece of the fabric that makes us whole. That tear can be mended, but a portion will always be missing, and it can never be repaired completely. We simply cope as best we can, and live on.
Your poem was lovely, and it features many poetic devices, such as good enjambment to keep the thoughts flowing smoothly. You utilize a unique rhyme scheme and good cadence or flow.
One line I did question came in your second stanza, third line...
"Memories long passed past filled with laughter and tears.
I wondered if you hadn't meant "long past" here instead?
Anyhow, regardless of that minor nit, it is an exceptional poem indeed.
~Dean
Comment Written 11-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2015
-
Thank you for your kind words and generous rating. You are correct...I did intend to put 'past'.
-
My pleasure
Comment from c_lucas
As Usual, the mother is the backbone of the family. This is very well written with an interesting flow of words, making for a very good read. There is good imagery.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2015
|
As Usual, the mother is the backbone of the family. This is very well written with an interesting flow of words, making for a very good read. There is good imagery.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2015
-
Thank you for your kind words and generous rating.
-
You're welcome, Q. Charlie
Comment from Dawn Munro
My favorite stanza of this beautiful tribute to your mother is that second-to-last one: "I'd like to dissolve in those moments with mom, where time would not seem to exist..." - what a very special idea - so poignant.
My sincere condolences on your loss. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2015
|
My favorite stanza of this beautiful tribute to your mother is that second-to-last one: "I'd like to dissolve in those moments with mom, where time would not seem to exist..." - what a very special idea - so poignant.
My sincere condolences on your loss. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2015
-
Thank you for your kind words and generous rating. Thank you for your kind words and generous rating.
-
You're very welcome.
Comment from fimarie78
This poem really touched me. The words were so heartfelt. It reads beautifully. I particularly enjoyed the 1st, 2nd and 4th stanza. The idea of the endless love in your heart being like the endless ocean is lovely, as is comparing life to a stage.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2015
|
This poem really touched me. The words were so heartfelt. It reads beautifully. I particularly enjoyed the 1st, 2nd and 4th stanza. The idea of the endless love in your heart being like the endless ocean is lovely, as is comparing life to a stage.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2015
-
Thank you for your kind words and generous rating.
Comment from ravenblack
I'd like to dissolve in those moments with mom- beautiful sentiments. Mother moments are so filled with comfort that time just stops. She sounds like she was a loving mom. Just two suggestions- third stanza, 3rd line- you don't need a question mark after "go" as the question is carried over into the next line. 5th stanza, 4th line- and helps your children survive- helping your children survive". I hope you have plenty of mom moments in your memory.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2015
|
I'd like to dissolve in those moments with mom- beautiful sentiments. Mother moments are so filled with comfort that time just stops. She sounds like she was a loving mom. Just two suggestions- third stanza, 3rd line- you don't need a question mark after "go" as the question is carried over into the next line. 5th stanza, 4th line- and helps your children survive- helping your children survive". I hope you have plenty of mom moments in your memory.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2015
-
Thank you for your kind words and generous rating. Thank you also, for your advice.
Comment from Just2Write
This is a very loving tribute poem about your mother. The mixed meter works well and the ABCB rhymes are solid. I couldn't help but think of my own mom while reading this poetic. Perhaps a mother's love is universal.
Rose.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2015
|
This is a very loving tribute poem about your mother. The mixed meter works well and the ABCB rhymes are solid. I couldn't help but think of my own mom while reading this poetic. Perhaps a mother's love is universal.
Rose.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2015
-
Thank you for your kind words and generous rating.
Comment from juliesibs
This is a beautifully written tribute to mom or any loved one that have passed beyond. The telling is done with style and grace, each verse can be heard by the heart.
Great poem, Julie
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2015
|
This is a beautifully written tribute to mom or any loved one that have passed beyond. The telling is done with style and grace, each verse can be heard by the heart.
Great poem, Julie
Comment Written 11-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2015
-
Thank you for your kind words and generous rating.
Comment from skye
Those precious loved ones that are gone leave such a hole in the heart, in the family, in the very universe.
Your poem is well rhymed, filled with powerful imagery.
The only suggestion would be to make it a smoother meter, but only because this one deserves to be perfect.
Excellent.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2015
|
Those precious loved ones that are gone leave such a hole in the heart, in the family, in the very universe.
Your poem is well rhymed, filled with powerful imagery.
The only suggestion would be to make it a smoother meter, but only because this one deserves to be perfect.
Excellent.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2015
-
Thank you for your kind words and generous rating.
Comment from MelB
What a wonderful tribute to your mother. You ask some very interesting questions, as I never wondered those things. I like the ending, it is so hard to say goodbye.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2015
|
What a wonderful tribute to your mother. You ask some very interesting questions, as I never wondered those things. I like the ending, it is so hard to say goodbye.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2015
-
Thank you for your kind words and generous rating.
-
Your welcome:)
