Loophole
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Lunch"All chapters
6 total reviews
Comment from pome lover
your inner thoughts are priceless. you can take the smallest thing and make it humorous. good job.
You do like short chapters, don't you?
PL
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2017
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your inner thoughts are priceless. you can take the smallest thing and make it humorous. good job.
You do like short chapters, don't you?
PL
Comment Written 15-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2017
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Thanks for reviewing. This venture of yours is therapeutic for me. Thanks for the compliments.
Marv
2-15-17
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi Marv. You are so clever. I enjoyed every line above. I knew someone who is much as you describe Russ, so it's double pleasure to read. Looking forward to the next segment, as time permits. Getting ready for an art show as well as writing a poem a day for the 30/30. Marilyn
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2015
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Hi Marv. You are so clever. I enjoyed every line above. I knew someone who is much as you describe Russ, so it's double pleasure to read. Looking forward to the next segment, as time permits. Getting ready for an art show as well as writing a poem a day for the 30/30. Marilyn
Comment Written 16-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2015
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Thanks for reviewing chapter 7. It's so thoughtful of you to look at previous chapters. Thanks for the five star rating.
Try to get in touch with your Russ. I might need him to find out what my Russ does in the future.
Marv
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I think you're doing just fine on your own.
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Marvin. Good to read your post the first time.
I was impressed overall with your writing: Good images like this: "Much like a parent directing a spoonful of food toward a child's mouth, while pleading with the little tyke to open wide and allow an imaginary choo-choo to enter, Dolores guided her morsel ladened fork toward my overcrowded train station."
Suggestions: I would always buy a certificate and offer more than two cents for the post. You need not spend your real money...simply review other work before you post, earning member dollars that way. I cannot personally afford the time for two cents and you will find, not many people will be attracted to your posts no matter how good the writing is without some incentive.
Secondly, You may want to correct this little boo boo. only because it is right off the get go and glaring: "BBeginning description of lunch date...etc" (double B)
Keep writing. Good job. Bob
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2015
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Hi, Marvin. Good to read your post the first time.
I was impressed overall with your writing: Good images like this: "Much like a parent directing a spoonful of food toward a child's mouth, while pleading with the little tyke to open wide and allow an imaginary choo-choo to enter, Dolores guided her morsel ladened fork toward my overcrowded train station."
Suggestions: I would always buy a certificate and offer more than two cents for the post. You need not spend your real money...simply review other work before you post, earning member dollars that way. I cannot personally afford the time for two cents and you will find, not many people will be attracted to your posts no matter how good the writing is without some incentive.
Secondly, You may want to correct this little boo boo. only because it is right off the get go and glaring: "BBeginning description of lunch date...etc" (double B)
Keep writing. Good job. Bob
Comment Written 09-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2015
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Mastery
Thank you for your kind and generous review. It means a lot to me. Thanks, also, for your posting suggestion.
I'm glad you pointed out the "BB." mistake. I'm bbaffled as to how that happened.
Marv
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Like me...heavy fingers and anxious PC. LOL..Bob
Comment from Ashar001
Hilarious and funny, you did well. Although it is a rather short chapter or part of a chapter. It makes me wonder where this will lead to....
My favorites: Someone, probably a writer laboring in obscurity, once said, "You can't go back", or maybe it was, "You shouldn't go back", or perhaps, "Don't get your hopes up, if you do go back." -> I love this kind of "wisdom" that is getting nowhere. And: "I quickly realized that response would have risked my getting stabbed in the neck, an occurrence I always try to avoid when on a date." -> This kind of ironical reflection, that's when you are on your best.. Looking forward to read more.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2015
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Hilarious and funny, you did well. Although it is a rather short chapter or part of a chapter. It makes me wonder where this will lead to....
My favorites: Someone, probably a writer laboring in obscurity, once said, "You can't go back", or maybe it was, "You shouldn't go back", or perhaps, "Don't get your hopes up, if you do go back." -> I love this kind of "wisdom" that is getting nowhere. And: "I quickly realized that response would have risked my getting stabbed in the neck, an occurrence I always try to avoid when on a date." -> This kind of ironical reflection, that's when you are on your best.. Looking forward to read more.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2015
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Ashar
Thanks for the very nice review. This partial chapter worried me. So glad you liked it. Some of my favorite things that you said: "wisdom that is getting nowhere" and "ironical reflection." I don't even strive for those things.
When I'm not on my best, I'll to count on you to let me know.
This will lead to the rest of the chapter about their lunch, then the waiting room scene, then the appointment with Charley.
Thanks again!
Marv
Comment from Jacob Collins
I enjoyed reading this chapter Marvin. You captured the mood of the situation between the two character's well. Your writing flowed easily and I couldn't find any faults. I shall look forward to reading the next chapter...Jacob
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2015
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I enjoyed reading this chapter Marvin. You captured the mood of the situation between the two character's well. Your writing flowed easily and I couldn't find any faults. I shall look forward to reading the next chapter...Jacob
Comment Written 08-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2015
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Jacob
Thanks for all the kind words. I worried about this partial chapter, but you've eased my mind considerably. I look forward to your impressions.
Marv
Comment from Helena Frances
Fun! I was smiling before finishing the first paragraph!
Great visuals, although ketchup with salmon is a bit unsettling for me.
Great flow, and love the humor.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2015
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Fun! I was smiling before finishing the first paragraph!
Great visuals, although ketchup with salmon is a bit unsettling for me.
Great flow, and love the humor.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2015
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Helena
Thank you so much for your wonderful review. I feared this partial chapter would not go over well. So far, that's not the case.
I'd better shy away from food references, since you appear to be a connoisseur.
Marv
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writing is not for the shy!
Bring on the condiments:)
