Comment from jlgtiger

Average

Writing poetry is different things to all writers. Of course grammar is important, but the work should have two main objects:
1. It should flow ... this simply means that a smoothness in the read is important ... a rough write will cause your reader to miss some of your important points ... they will tend to stumble and lose interest at times
a. If your work is one that you wish to
rhyme, follow these simple rules;
the flow is governed by the use of
syllables.
b. suppose you have a stanza that has
four lines ... ie...
The cat lay in the box
never moving a hair
Someone would consider him quiet
asleep in his own lair
Note the syllable count:
line one - 6
line two - 6
line three - 9
line four - 6
This is interrupted by bad flow

Now read this again with a change:
The cat lay in the box
never moving a hair
One would think him quiet
Asleep in his own lair.

Often you may use different count

ie... 8,7,8 7 or any other ... just
be conscious of the flow

By simply changing the count, a
smoothness is aquired.

2. There should be an emotion in the work. ie...

My cat lay in his bed
no movement to discern
I felt a sense of dread
Until I saw him turn

Smoothness and emotion will always yield a good work. Keep writing!!

 Comment Written 05-May-2015

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reply by the author on 05-May-2015

Thank you! I obviously haven't written much poetry, every little bit helps.

Comment from catandheath

Excellent

I was very touched by this. As a parent of three, between the ages of 18 and 22, I wonder, now that they're older, which unintentional things have come out of my mouth, that they will always remember. Because even now in my 50s, I still remember exactly some of the things my parents said that hurt me, when they probably didn't even mean it. There is beauty in the line "always proud of what you do". Lovely way that you've gently acknowledged that you and this particular child were simply, different people--and you loved her/him no less because of it. Very nice. FORGIVENESS of ONESELF is the only thing that can eliminate GUILT. Sending you warm wishes that you'll find the strength to forgive yourself and let go of the past. Warm regards.

 Comment Written 07-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 08-Mar-2015

Thank you for your reply.
The hope we see through our beautiful grandchildren sometimes makes us say too much.
As I surpass the age my mom lived I see her as she actually was.
It's sad it took me so long.

Comment from Curly Girly

Good

It is sad how time can erode our strengths away as we age.
You have some punctuation issues to fix:
Who am I?, I don't know me
Who am I? I don't know me
did not do?.
did not do?
hostility from you?.
hostility from you?

 Comment Written 07-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 08-Mar-2015

Thank you for your examples.
My comprehension of things gets very muddled and this helped.