Comment from pome lover

Excellent

cute and clever with funny dialogue. I love, "Whatever they offer you, I'll give you ten percent less." and Golf is my only source of income.
One thing I found - if you submit this to a publisher - is where you say, "I hear his cigar-chomping voice booming..." a voice doesn't chomp cigars. They'd catch that.
Other than that, it's great.
pome lover

 Comment Written 14-Feb-2017

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reply by the author on 14-Feb-2017

Thanks for reviewing this. I like the way you pick out lines you love. That's very gratifying. A lot of money changes hands among wealthy players on a golf course.
Thanks for pointing out my error.
Marv

reply by pome lover on 14-Feb-2017

yep - have seen big bets on the golf course. Not mine, of course.

Comment from BeasPeas

Excellent

Hi Marv. I think I'm getting hooked on this story. LOVE Charley. Russ is a good straight man and narrator for Charley's personality which comes through loud and clear.

I just found on "That's corny, even (for?) you."

I agree with you on the difficulty of getting the format correct on the new site (author's note).

I'll be reading the rest of the chapters as time permits. A good read. Marilyn

 Comment Written 12-Apr-2015

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reply by the author on 12-Apr-2015

Nice to hear that you're getting hooked.
Thanks for pointing out the typo. (for)
Not sure what you mean about the Author's Note. I just sent it to myself and it looks okay. Here it is.

Author's Note

I'm having a prologue. I'm having a prologue in my novel. I feel like singing about it, but first I should set it to music.

?I'm having a prologue, ♪,♫,♪,♫ . . . a meaningful prologue.?♪,♫,♪,♫

Since this is my first novel, I want to get my money's worth. So, I'm having a prologue. When I mentioned this to my publisher, she said, ?How nice! I hope you have a smooth delivery.? Sometimes I think she's funnier than I am.

- - - Marvin Calloway - - -

I really appreciate your feedback and how fast you provided it. There's no big hurry, though. Your own pace will be fine.
I'll send Chapter 4, Musery Loves Company unless I know that you found it.
Marv

Comment from Ashar001

Excellent

A fun dialogue. I especially liked the sentence: "Thanks, but the casting agents don't usually choose an actress who's leading man has to stand on top of another actor in order to look their co-star in the eye."

 Comment Written 19-Feb-2015

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reply by the author on 21-Feb-2015

Re: Chapter 5
Thanks very much for your generous review. Your feedback is very important to me. I especially like having certain lines singled out. I'm glad you feel it's a fun dialogue.
Marv

Comment from LeannaP

Excellent

Hi Marvin,
My favorite line,
""Sorry. How about if I take you to lunch to make up for it?"
I thought this was interesting, what a lovely way to
make up for doing something wrong?
I wish I was asked this. Ha!
Excellent read here, and thanks
for sharing it
Leanna

 Comment Written 18-Feb-2015

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reply by the author on 21-Feb-2015

Re: Chapter 5
Thanks for your kind review of Chapter 5. I really appreciate it. I'm sorry it took so long for me to respond.
It's very helpful to my writing to see certain lines singled out.
Marv

Comment from Wolf_Sky

Average

I'm sorry to say, the dialogue brought you good idea down. this needed 1-2 more edits. "The booming voice boomed back" definitely needs to go. you never use the same word twice in the same sentence. and cut back the dialogue! to much of a good thing is never a good thing!!!

 Comment Written 18-Feb-2015

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reply by the author on 21-Feb-2015

Re: Chapter 5
That was really clever how you used typo's, two of the same words twice in the same sentence and the wrong ?to? to make your points. Your use of ?you? instead of ?your? and not starting sentences with a capital letter also impressed me, immensely.
Thanks!!!!