Free Verse Collection
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "The Conductor"A collection of free verse poems
24 total reviews
Comment from Maureen's Pen
My gosh Tony you brought it alive as if I am there front row listening and watching. What an impressive poem to read. With vivid imagery, great detail and even the emotion of the visual aspect of the show is penned eloquently and forcefully.
Excellent work my friend.
Thanks for sharing,
Maureen
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2015
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My gosh Tony you brought it alive as if I am there front row listening and watching. What an impressive poem to read. With vivid imagery, great detail and even the emotion of the visual aspect of the show is penned eloquently and forcefully.
Excellent work my friend.
Thanks for sharing,
Maureen
Comment Written 19-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2015
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Thanks, Maureen. Glad you enjoyed it. Was watching a concert from the upper circle the other week. A real bird's eye view. The conductor was playing the orchestra with all the skill of a fly fisherman knee deep in a Celtic tarn!
Comment from rama devi
WOW--what a wonderfully imaginative and descriptive poem. Felt it viscerally...nice work. Love the musicality, the theme and some of your outstanding, memorable lines. standing ovation for those! This is almost a six, but I see a few spots that could use tiny tweaks for fine tuning...
NOTES
A ripple rises as the lights are dimmed
that grows into a crescendo of applause.
Grammar a bit awkward with use of THAT. Suggest replacing with AND
A ripple rises as the lights are dimmed
and grows into a crescendo of applause.
*
An Emperor Penguin,
he sweeps across the stage
and mounts the podium
then turns,
surveys his audience,
and nods acknowledgement.
Nice descriptive but slightly wordy an choppy in the first three lines. May I suggest a trimmed alternative with slightly altered wording for grammatical flow adn cadence (for your consideration):
An Emperor Penguin
sweeps across the stage
mounts the podium,
turns,
surveys his audience,
and then nods acknowledgement.
Wonderfully well-voiced and delicious to read aloud:
The scene is set. His baton raised,
he holds expectant silence in the air,
then gently coaxes murmurs from the violins,
a rising susurration of bees set free.
He suppresses them
with a gentle downward movement of his hand,
turns his pointer to the larger deep-voiced strings,
demanding their masculine response,
an ominous drumbeat of rising sound
that enforces interplay with melody.
He draws music forth
with an outstretched hand.
The above stanza is superbly musical and delicious to read aloud, especially with all the S sounds and other poetic devices woven in. Bravo.
Superbly descriptive and well worded--brilliant!:
The tempo quickens to the strident shudder of his jowl.
He turns a white-tipped laser to the centre of the pit.
It strikes, exploding brass, timpani and a kettle-drum
before an opening blossom of cymbals
stops their breath.
Great line:
Majestically, he cuts the air.
I recommend highlighting it by adding a line break afterwards, making it a single-line stanza (just a thought)/
Love this voicing:
Great swathes of sound escape,
marshalled by his rhetoric into ranks.
Superb simile:
His eye is wild, he leads the charge
as if on horseback,
the rise and fall of his shoulders
mimicked by a rippling surge
across the silken blackness of his back.
(***suggest line break here for DRAMATIC PAUSE EFFECT)
He cuts the sound away again,
severing its roots with silence. Outstanding line!--worthy of highlighting...)
Love this:
A single flute dares defy him now.
It mourns the melody with keening liquid notes.
(***suggest line break here for DRAMATIC PAUSE EFFECT and to highlight the meaning too...the flute standing as a lone voice...lone stanza...)
The maestro turns
and coaxes once again the strings,
drawing from their amber hearts
accompaniment,(NO COMMA)
a waterfall of sound
cascading from Olympian heights.
Love the imagery. One more suggestion:
The maestro turns
and once again coaxes the strings,
The final notes ascend.
They float like butterflies returning to the gods. OUTSTANDING LINE
(***suggest line break here for DRAMATIC PAUSE EFFECT)
The audience erupts,
washing the magic away
in a torrent of sound.
(***suggest line break here for DRAMATIC PAUSE EFFECT)
He turns, bows low,
acknowledges the thunder of applause,
and then is gone.
Great simile (note one spag suggestion):
The orchestra subsides(,)
like puppets who have lost their puppeteer.
(***suggest line break here for DRAMATIC PAUSE EFFECT)
Exchanging pleasantries, they pack their bags for home.
(***suggest line break here --if not the previous line above)--for DRAMATIC PAUSE EFFECT on the closing note)
The symphony is done.
Enjoyed this one a lot, my friend.
Of course, the suggestions on line breaks are optional...but also strongly recommended! *wink*!
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2015
|
WOW--what a wonderfully imaginative and descriptive poem. Felt it viscerally...nice work. Love the musicality, the theme and some of your outstanding, memorable lines. standing ovation for those! This is almost a six, but I see a few spots that could use tiny tweaks for fine tuning...
NOTES
A ripple rises as the lights are dimmed
that grows into a crescendo of applause.
Grammar a bit awkward with use of THAT. Suggest replacing with AND
A ripple rises as the lights are dimmed
and grows into a crescendo of applause.
*
An Emperor Penguin,
he sweeps across the stage
and mounts the podium
then turns,
surveys his audience,
and nods acknowledgement.
Nice descriptive but slightly wordy an choppy in the first three lines. May I suggest a trimmed alternative with slightly altered wording for grammatical flow adn cadence (for your consideration):
An Emperor Penguin
sweeps across the stage
mounts the podium,
turns,
surveys his audience,
and then nods acknowledgement.
Wonderfully well-voiced and delicious to read aloud:
The scene is set. His baton raised,
he holds expectant silence in the air,
then gently coaxes murmurs from the violins,
a rising susurration of bees set free.
He suppresses them
with a gentle downward movement of his hand,
turns his pointer to the larger deep-voiced strings,
demanding their masculine response,
an ominous drumbeat of rising sound
that enforces interplay with melody.
He draws music forth
with an outstretched hand.
The above stanza is superbly musical and delicious to read aloud, especially with all the S sounds and other poetic devices woven in. Bravo.
Superbly descriptive and well worded--brilliant!:
The tempo quickens to the strident shudder of his jowl.
He turns a white-tipped laser to the centre of the pit.
It strikes, exploding brass, timpani and a kettle-drum
before an opening blossom of cymbals
stops their breath.
Great line:
Majestically, he cuts the air.
I recommend highlighting it by adding a line break afterwards, making it a single-line stanza (just a thought)/
Love this voicing:
Great swathes of sound escape,
marshalled by his rhetoric into ranks.
Superb simile:
His eye is wild, he leads the charge
as if on horseback,
the rise and fall of his shoulders
mimicked by a rippling surge
across the silken blackness of his back.
(***suggest line break here for DRAMATIC PAUSE EFFECT)
He cuts the sound away again,
severing its roots with silence. Outstanding line!--worthy of highlighting...)
Love this:
A single flute dares defy him now.
It mourns the melody with keening liquid notes.
(***suggest line break here for DRAMATIC PAUSE EFFECT and to highlight the meaning too...the flute standing as a lone voice...lone stanza...)
The maestro turns
and coaxes once again the strings,
drawing from their amber hearts
accompaniment,(NO COMMA)
a waterfall of sound
cascading from Olympian heights.
Love the imagery. One more suggestion:
The maestro turns
and once again coaxes the strings,
The final notes ascend.
They float like butterflies returning to the gods. OUTSTANDING LINE
(***suggest line break here for DRAMATIC PAUSE EFFECT)
The audience erupts,
washing the magic away
in a torrent of sound.
(***suggest line break here for DRAMATIC PAUSE EFFECT)
He turns, bows low,
acknowledges the thunder of applause,
and then is gone.
Great simile (note one spag suggestion):
The orchestra subsides(,)
like puppets who have lost their puppeteer.
(***suggest line break here for DRAMATIC PAUSE EFFECT)
Exchanging pleasantries, they pack their bags for home.
(***suggest line break here --if not the previous line above)--for DRAMATIC PAUSE EFFECT on the closing note)
The symphony is done.
Enjoyed this one a lot, my friend.
Of course, the suggestions on line breaks are optional...but also strongly recommended! *wink*!
Love,
rd
Comment Written 19-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2015
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Am absolutely delighted, RD, and somewhat overwhelmed that you liked this enough to comment in such detail. I'm on a mini iPad at the moment and so will wait until tomorrow to review this poem in Word, where I can see more of it at a time. There are some excellent suggestions here, as always and I shall need to look at them more closely. Best wishes, and many thanks again, for this fabulous review. Tony.
Aw, thanks so much for your kind words, gracious response and generosity, dear Tony. Much appreciated! :) I cannot answer PMS as a standard member, so thanking you here for the thumb.
Big warm smiles,
rd
Comment from livelylinda
Tony: what a brilliant piece! I've never better heard a symphony described. I could see and hear every movement. Absolutely marvelous! My head is swollen with all that majestic music of which you have brought to me this morning. What a grand poem! Linda
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2015
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Tony: what a brilliant piece! I've never better heard a symphony described. I could see and hear every movement. Absolutely marvelous! My head is swollen with all that majestic music of which you have brought to me this morning. What a grand poem! Linda
Comment Written 19-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2015
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Thank you so much, Linda. I'm absolutely delighted that you were so much in tune with this one. The six stars are better than a standing ovation!
Comment from Treischel
Bravo. You brought the essence to the symphony performance to life throughout the conductor's machinations deftly portrayed through your expert poetic imagery.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2015
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Bravo. You brought the essence to the symphony performance to life throughout the conductor's machinations deftly portrayed through your expert poetic imagery.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2015
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Thank you, Tom. I appreciate your accolade. Tony
Comment from kittykatnoel
I like the line, "The tempo quickens to the strident shudder of his jowl." I can completely visualize this for some reason it really stuck with me. Beautifully done.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2015
|
I like the line, "The tempo quickens to the strident shudder of his jowl." I can completely visualize this for some reason it really stuck with me. Beautifully done.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2015
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Thank you, Kittykatnoel. I appreciate your accolade. Tony
Comment from ravenblack
Did you recently see a concert? You capture the conductor, his electric connection to the music, the God of the orchestra so well. Sussuration of bees - he is literally the conductor of natural forces, the rider of the storm and the nonchalant closing, packing it up and walking away, is the perfect closing. Really, I don't know what to say other than this is beyond excellent and deserving of the six I do not have.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2015
|
Did you recently see a concert? You capture the conductor, his electric connection to the music, the God of the orchestra so well. Sussuration of bees - he is literally the conductor of natural forces, the rider of the storm and the nonchalant closing, packing it up and walking away, is the perfect closing. Really, I don't know what to say other than this is beyond excellent and deserving of the six I do not have.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2015
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Many thanks, Ed. Yes - I was at a concert last week - the Adelaide Symphony concert playing some pieces by Mahler. They have a dynamic conductor this year!
Comment from strandregs
You deserve the high grade for presevering through
the entire orchestrated production of the fabulous
symphony. Hoora Hurray.
Z.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2015
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You deserve the high grade for presevering through
the entire orchestrated production of the fabulous
symphony. Hoora Hurray.
Z.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2015
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Thanks, Z. I must confess my mind was wandering a bit, but I managed to stay awake throughout the performance, which was quite an achievement. Worthy of your six stars!
Comment from adewpearl
good opening alliteration in ripple rises
love the characterization of a conductor as an emperor penguin :-)
excellent alliteration throughout
great sensory appeal
as silence is broken by the murmur of violins
and the music mounts
wonderful imagery and descriptive detail - such creative similes
I love the way the poem progresses from silence to mounting sound to silence again as the orchestra members go home
Brooke
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2015
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good opening alliteration in ripple rises
love the characterization of a conductor as an emperor penguin :-)
excellent alliteration throughout
great sensory appeal
as silence is broken by the murmur of violins
and the music mounts
wonderful imagery and descriptive detail - such creative similes
I love the way the poem progresses from silence to mounting sound to silence again as the orchestra members go home
Brooke
Comment Written 18-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2015
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Thank you so much, Brooke. What a lovely review to receive. I do appreciate it! Tony
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was amazing, Tony, I could feel the music, I could feel the maestro waving his baton calling for the music to climb then fall. What a wonderful poem, so much sound imagery! Clever and such a lovely one to read. xsx Sandra
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2015
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That was amazing, Tony, I could feel the music, I could feel the maestro waving his baton calling for the music to climb then fall. What a wonderful poem, so much sound imagery! Clever and such a lovely one to read. xsx Sandra
Comment Written 18-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2015
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Thank you, Sandra. I appreciate your accolade. Tony
Comment from daeneam
Great tribute! This reminds me of the music student who assists our school brass band. I am always fascinated observing the movement of his hand and his facial expression. I wonder if he has the power to soften noises? What if he married a nagging wife? Will he be using his hand to tone her down? Lol c", Mae
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2015
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Great tribute! This reminds me of the music student who assists our school brass band. I am always fascinated observing the movement of his hand and his facial expression. I wonder if he has the power to soften noises? What if he married a nagging wife? Will he be using his hand to tone her down? Lol c", Mae
Comment Written 18-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2015
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Thanks, Mae. Loved your comments! Tony