Vision and Sound: Their Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 58 "A Pox On Us All"Two souls that meet as strangers on earth.
11 total reviews
Comment from gypsycaravan
I am anxious to learn if this is chicken pox or an outbreak of smallpox. My goodness, what traumas these two have to face constantly. Your writing is always excellent and you continue to introduce more "grabbers" to keep the reader begging for more. Great story.
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2014
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I am anxious to learn if this is chicken pox or an outbreak of smallpox. My goodness, what traumas these two have to face constantly. Your writing is always excellent and you continue to introduce more "grabbers" to keep the reader begging for more. Great story.
Comment Written 15-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2014
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I think it's smallpox. It isn't 100% fatal, but it is pretty deadly. So delighted you are enjoying this. I love writing this I must admit. This was supposed to be a short segment of the bigger story. Oh well, it may never end! mikey
Comment from seaglass
Ah...can't forget those nasty plagues of the times. They ended many lives so perhaps pox will slow down the zealots for a while, at least.
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Ah...can't forget those nasty plagues of the times. They ended many lives so perhaps pox will slow down the zealots for a while, at least.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2014
Comment from Joe_P
The plot moves along well. It will be interesting to see who survives the sickness.
Notes:
1. "I can't think of anything but [being in your arms when I'm in your arms]." This sounds a bit redundant.
2. "Julia kissed him and while she did the sounds in her head and the visions before her eyes faded away." Delete "and". I don't know what these "sounds in her head" are. I haven't read this novel from the beginning.
3. "How righteous a man's demeanor becomes when the force of a sword backs him." This appears to be a question.
4. In the paragraph beginning with "They won't find us...", Valerius refers to "they" several times. I think it should be "he". It is Cicero that is after them.
5. "My immediate concern is that they will tire..." Change "they" to "Cicero" to make it clear.
6. "But how would adding our presence improve their lot." Improve whose lot? I think you mean "Cicero" instead of "their". Check the rest of the chapter for inferences to "they" and "their".
7. "There, you have them to. " Change "to" to "too".
Cheers!
Joe
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The plot moves along well. It will be interesting to see who survives the sickness.
Notes:
1. "I can't think of anything but [being in your arms when I'm in your arms]." This sounds a bit redundant.
2. "Julia kissed him and while she did the sounds in her head and the visions before her eyes faded away." Delete "and". I don't know what these "sounds in her head" are. I haven't read this novel from the beginning.
3. "How righteous a man's demeanor becomes when the force of a sword backs him." This appears to be a question.
4. In the paragraph beginning with "They won't find us...", Valerius refers to "they" several times. I think it should be "he". It is Cicero that is after them.
5. "My immediate concern is that they will tire..." Change "they" to "Cicero" to make it clear.
6. "But how would adding our presence improve their lot." Improve whose lot? I think you mean "Cicero" instead of "their". Check the rest of the chapter for inferences to "they" and "their".
7. "There, you have them to. " Change "to" to "too".
Cheers!
Joe
Comment Written 13-Dec-2014
Comment from nordicgirl
By far the best story this year. Another excellent and diverse offering. Now smallpox is added to the mix. This will take more lives for certain. But whose? I know that the two souls must move on. But this is so good!!
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By far the best story this year. Another excellent and diverse offering. Now smallpox is added to the mix. This will take more lives for certain. But whose? I know that the two souls must move on. But this is so good!!
Comment Written 13-Dec-2014
Comment from Nosha17
I am sure such deadly disease was pretty prevalent those days. Great chapter with tender moments, perhaps the lull before the storm. Well written historical setting. Most enjoyable, faye
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I am sure such deadly disease was pretty prevalent those days. Great chapter with tender moments, perhaps the lull before the storm. Well written historical setting. Most enjoyable, faye
Comment Written 13-Dec-2014
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Reading your story is always a fun adventure, Mikey. Now it's... Smallpox? THe only deadly sores I can think of. But there was no cure for it... so? Or maybe it's something else. Just what they do NOT need now. You really make your characters suffer, don't you? LOL! But I'm sure they will pull thru, and maybe Cicero won't? Or he will be cured by Trellita's herbs and rethink capturing the "demons" after all? Can't wait to see what your evil mind comes up with. LOL! :)
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Reading your story is always a fun adventure, Mikey. Now it's... Smallpox? THe only deadly sores I can think of. But there was no cure for it... so? Or maybe it's something else. Just what they do NOT need now. You really make your characters suffer, don't you? LOL! But I'm sure they will pull thru, and maybe Cicero won't? Or he will be cured by Trellita's herbs and rethink capturing the "demons" after all? Can't wait to see what your evil mind comes up with. LOL! :)
Comment Written 13-Dec-2014
Comment from Sasha
I fear you are going to kill everyone off...I do hope Valerius is able to find a cure for them...but not for Cicero, let him die...that would be just fine with me.
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I fear you are going to kill everyone off...I do hope Valerius is able to find a cure for them...but not for Cicero, let him die...that would be just fine with me.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2014
Comment from robina1978
I like how the story develops. Julia and Valerus are conversing in the forest, which quickly turns into kissing. But Cicero and his soldiers are going to try and track them down. Nice chapter.
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I like how the story develops. Julia and Valerus are conversing in the forest, which quickly turns into kissing. But Cicero and his soldiers are going to try and track them down. Nice chapter.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2014
Comment from CR Delport
Oh my. It seems Valerius has the pox too. At least he listened to Julia as she talked about their past lives and didn't think she's crazy. A part of him knows she is telling the truth. Cicero remains a danger. Mikey, another great chapter.
"I feel week and these sores itch terribly." --- weak
Have a great day.
Christelle.
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Oh my. It seems Valerius has the pox too. At least he listened to Julia as she talked about their past lives and didn't think she's crazy. A part of him knows she is telling the truth. Cicero remains a danger. Mikey, another great chapter.
"I feel week and these sores itch terribly." --- weak
Have a great day.
Christelle.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2014
Comment from Jay Squires
Well done, Mikey. Except for one small nit, below, it's been well edited.
I can tell it's growing near the end, as well it should. Too much more and it would be anticlimactic.
"I feel week and these sores itch terribly." [I feel WEAK...]
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Well done, Mikey. Except for one small nit, below, it's been well edited.
I can tell it's growing near the end, as well it should. Too much more and it would be anticlimactic.
"I feel week and these sores itch terribly." [I feel WEAK...]
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2014
