How to fall off your pedestal.
2 total reviews
Comment from rjpurdy
For the most part, a good story. I had a lot of trouble following the story though, it felt too busy. Perhaps that's just me.
I can't tell if this is a free verse poem or a story but I do wish you the best in the voting. rj
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2014
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For the most part, a good story. I had a lot of trouble following the story though, it felt too busy. Perhaps that's just me.
I can't tell if this is a free verse poem or a story but I do wish you the best in the voting. rj
Comment Written 25-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2014
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Thank you rjpurdy, so much for your review. :) mel
Comment from Adri7enne
A showy presentation, with the letters staircasing down. I don't know how impressed an editor would be with that kind of trick if you were going to write for money, eventually. I often feel that a showy presentation is a way of disguising sloppy writing.
This kind of unpunctuated, unrelated narration just strung across a page is the obvious result of texting, and while it may be modern and hip, it hardly qualifies as good writing. I hope futur writers don't deteriorate into those kinds of habits. Good prose can still be a joy, both to read and to write.
I got the jist of your story. The gypsy predicted his death and it was a self-fulfilling prophecy. The red "out of order" sign is an attention getter but it wouldn't play well in print form.
If you're writing strictly for this site, and only for the contest, you might do okay. If you're practicing for eventual publication, you'd have to concentrate on writing skills, rather than computer tricks. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2014
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A showy presentation, with the letters staircasing down. I don't know how impressed an editor would be with that kind of trick if you were going to write for money, eventually. I often feel that a showy presentation is a way of disguising sloppy writing.
This kind of unpunctuated, unrelated narration just strung across a page is the obvious result of texting, and while it may be modern and hip, it hardly qualifies as good writing. I hope futur writers don't deteriorate into those kinds of habits. Good prose can still be a joy, both to read and to write.
I got the jist of your story. The gypsy predicted his death and it was a self-fulfilling prophecy. The red "out of order" sign is an attention getter but it wouldn't play well in print form.
If you're writing strictly for this site, and only for the contest, you might do okay. If you're practicing for eventual publication, you'd have to concentrate on writing skills, rather than computer tricks. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 25-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2014
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Welcome you are the first one.
The idea is to have a little fun.
Me thinks you fell too.
Laughingly yours. ****
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As long as it's not an elevator shaft, uh?
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Nah! you have to annoy the gypsy first...
