Lost!
Story- A high flight of imagination.41 total reviews
Comment from N.K. Wagner
I think everyone has their "Sweetland". It's almost necessary to have a place to escape to in order to maintain one's sanity. Well told. :) Nancy
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
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I think everyone has their "Sweetland". It's almost necessary to have a place to escape to in order to maintain one's sanity. Well told. :) Nancy
Comment Written 31-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
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Hello Nancy,
I am glad you enjoyed it.
Thank you very much for your so lovely and encouraging comments backed by Excellent Rating.
Have a pleasant weekend!
~RP
Comment from lancellot
It has promise, but needs some work. One second you were at the core of the Milky Way, and then it was mentioned that you were at the edge. No transition.
You need spacing between the dialogue. It is a imaginative idea, with a little more work needed.
notes:
It was [a]pleasant summer evening.
- add word
I (had) started feeling self-confidence and began to enjoy fabulous sight of the celestial bodies
- delete, not needed.
Find another mask beside you and Put it on."
- another. The reader wasn't introduced to the first yet.
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
 |
It has promise, but needs some work. One second you were at the core of the Milky Way, and then it was mentioned that you were at the edge. No transition.
You need spacing between the dialogue. It is a imaginative idea, with a little more work needed.
notes:
It was [a]pleasant summer evening.
- add word
I (had) started feeling self-confidence and began to enjoy fabulous sight of the celestial bodies
- delete, not needed.
Find another mask beside you and Put it on."
- another. The reader wasn't introduced to the first yet.
Comment Written 31-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
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Hello Friend,
I am glad you enjoyed it.
Thank you very much for your encouraging comments and suggestions.
Have a pleasant weekend!
~RP
Comment from Ookami Taki
When I first started reading this, I thought, "What a delightful fantasy." I was into the sights and imagined myself along for the ride. Then when the rude awakening happened, I felt just what the narrator did - that sense of loss of something beautiful replaced with horrific reality. Craft-wise, the piece would benefit from a good proofreading, but overall it's a good story!
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
|
When I first started reading this, I thought, "What a delightful fantasy." I was into the sights and imagined myself along for the ride. Then when the rude awakening happened, I felt just what the narrator did - that sense of loss of something beautiful replaced with horrific reality. Craft-wise, the piece would benefit from a good proofreading, but overall it's a good story!
Comment Written 31-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
-
Hello Friend,
I am glad you enjoyed it.
Thank you very much for your encouraging comments and suggestions.
Have a pleasant weekend!
~RP
Comment from Zue65
What a fantastic imagination the writer has! The beauty of the alien planet in a far away galaxy the Sweetland, haven for the pure heart could be the dream paradise or a form of escape for those who are tired of the war and terrorism in our decaying planet. An excellent flash fiction, Jesus bless you.
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
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What a fantastic imagination the writer has! The beauty of the alien planet in a far away galaxy the Sweetland, haven for the pure heart could be the dream paradise or a form of escape for those who are tired of the war and terrorism in our decaying planet. An excellent flash fiction, Jesus bless you.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
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Hello Friend,
I am glad you enjoyed it.
Thank you very much for your so lovely, encouraging comments and Blessings.
Have a pleasant weekend!
~RP
Comment from amahra
Very interesting story. Wish it had not been a dream.
All dialogue should be on separate lines.
It was [a] pleasant summer evening.
destination," said the invisible aliens.
Soon the same mild voice: "Hey friend![space between these two paragraph.]
Alas! I lost what I had almost [had gotten!] got!!
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
|
Very interesting story. Wish it had not been a dream.
All dialogue should be on separate lines.
It was [a] pleasant summer evening.
destination," said the invisible aliens.
Soon the same mild voice: "Hey friend![space between these two paragraph.]
Alas! I lost what I had almost [had gotten!] got!!
Comment Written 30-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
-
Hello Amahra,
I am glad you enjoyed it.
Thank you very much for your lovely, positive, encouraging comments backed by Excellent Rating.
Have a pleasant weekend!
~RP
Comment from DSMalott
Great flash fiction.
Very creative narrative and visual appeal. Also, a strong moral component in comparing the 'heavenly planet' and the present hellish nature of the real world.
Thanks for writing.
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
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Great flash fiction.
Very creative narrative and visual appeal. Also, a strong moral component in comparing the 'heavenly planet' and the present hellish nature of the real world.
Thanks for writing.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
-
Hello Friend,
I am glad you enjoyed it.
Thank you very much for your so lovely and encouraging comments.
Have a pleasant weekend!
~RP
Comment from GE Parson
My Friend, this has got to be 5ix banger. What an imagination! I love it. This would make a good Star Track movie.
I was reading some of your quotes and came away wondering if you are a Believer IN, not merely ABOUT Jesus Christ?
I am both a possessor and professor of Christ as my personal Savior.
Your Friend,
G.E Parson
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
 |
My Friend, this has got to be 5ix banger. What an imagination! I love it. This would make a good Star Track movie.
I was reading some of your quotes and came away wondering if you are a Believer IN, not merely ABOUT Jesus Christ?
I am both a possessor and professor of Christ as my personal Savior.
Your Friend,
G.E Parson
Comment Written 30-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
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Hello G.E Parson,
What a wonderful review this is!
I am glad you enjoyed it.
Thank you very much for your so lovely and morale boosting comments backed by the most coveted SIX STARS.
Dear friend, I adore all those who have godly image.
Have a pleasant time!
~RP.
Comment from scd41
You had a fantastic flight - the flight of imagination. Unfortunately, your flight crashed and everything was over. Your story is interesting and sounds contemporary when terrorists are spreading havoc all over the world. After enjoying ride for trillions of miles, it is sad that you were back to your fourth floor flat. Best of luck for the Contest.
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
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You had a fantastic flight - the flight of imagination. Unfortunately, your flight crashed and everything was over. Your story is interesting and sounds contemporary when terrorists are spreading havoc all over the world. After enjoying ride for trillions of miles, it is sad that you were back to your fourth floor flat. Best of luck for the Contest.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
-
Hello Friend,
I am glad you enjoyed it.
Thank you very much for your so lovely, encouraging comments and Best of Luck Wishes.
Have a pleasant weekend!
~RP.
Comment from Verdugo Bolivar
Nice story, I was lost in the beginning but then when his dream was over it turned to violence, great twist in such few words. I wrote one too, the spin, check it good luck
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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Nice story, I was lost in the beginning but then when his dream was over it turned to violence, great twist in such few words. I wrote one too, the spin, check it good luck
Comment Written 29-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
-
Hello Friend,
I am glad you enjoyed it.
Thank you very much for your so lovely, encouraging comments and Good Luck Wishes backed by Excellent Rating.
Have a pleasant time!
~RP.
Comment from GracieAnn
RP, this Flash Fiction Writing Contest entry takes the reader on a fanciful journey and is quite creative in the series of events and utilizes a surprise ending with forceful impact. Well done. All the best in the contest. :0 GracieAnn
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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RP, this Flash Fiction Writing Contest entry takes the reader on a fanciful journey and is quite creative in the series of events and utilizes a surprise ending with forceful impact. Well done. All the best in the contest. :0 GracieAnn
Comment Written 29-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
-
Hello GracieAnn,
I am glad you enjoyed it.
Thank you very much for your so lovely, morale boosting comments and Best Wishes backed by Excellent Rating.
Have a pleasant time!
~RP.
