Secret Santa
A mass murder at a winter Christmas attraction.30 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
Oh, good! This was just the first page of a fictional novel.
I assume this is in honor of Halloween, rather than Christmas?
The usual spell you cast with y our writing. I'm sure it would be more spell-binding if it went beyond the first page.
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2014
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Oh, good! This was just the first page of a fictional novel.
I assume this is in honor of Halloween, rather than Christmas?
The usual spell you cast with y our writing. I'm sure it would be more spell-binding if it went beyond the first page.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2014
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It's funny, but I actually wrote this to be the first page and never gave a thought beyond it. I followed the prompt to the letter! Glad you liked it. Maybe when I'm done with the current piece. But, I LOVE 500 AD, I may never leave it! mikey
Comment from Thewriterwithnoname
This felt very surreal, but in a very enjoyable way. I enjoyed the way it was told, it was very natural and I can easily imagine it coming from a fevered, deranged mind. It's lean, but it's for the best. You don't waste time on unnecessary words which strengthens the quality of this piece.
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This felt very surreal, but in a very enjoyable way. I enjoyed the way it was told, it was very natural and I can easily imagine it coming from a fevered, deranged mind. It's lean, but it's for the best. You don't waste time on unnecessary words which strengthens the quality of this piece.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2014
Comment from amahra
Wow, a female serial killer. There's only been one violent one and she was executed and portrayed in the movies. Women usually kill with poison. But I like this as a good beginning for a story. Hope yo expand it and not just for the contest. I think it would be interesting.
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Wow, a female serial killer. There's only been one violent one and she was executed and portrayed in the movies. Women usually kill with poison. But I like this as a good beginning for a story. Hope yo expand it and not just for the contest. I think it would be interesting.
Comment Written 23-Oct-2014
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Mike,
Yep, I'd turn the page. Great start by getting right into it. I like that.
Good dialogue and setting the scene. Best of luck in the contest.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax (*.*)
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Hi, Mike,
Yep, I'd turn the page. Great start by getting right into it. I like that.
Good dialogue and setting the scene. Best of luck in the contest.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax (*.*)
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
Comment from drivenbackward
Would be interesting, Mikey.
Not sure why this didn't go to my inbox.
We've got a survivor who didn't bother hanging around." -- Move back one space.
"Yeah, Sarge." -- Reads like a question.
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Would be interesting, Mikey.
Not sure why this didn't go to my inbox.
We've got a survivor who didn't bother hanging around." -- Move back one space.
"Yeah, Sarge." -- Reads like a question.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
Comment from onebrit
Men wear berets too, older Frenchmen, military men, it's not exclusively a female thing. I wonder if you mean barrette ( a hair clip which men wouldn't wear!) This is an interesting first chapter. I love beginnings of stories where there are far more questions than answers, lots to think about.
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Men wear berets too, older Frenchmen, military men, it's not exclusively a female thing. I wonder if you mean barrette ( a hair clip which men wouldn't wear!) This is an interesting first chapter. I love beginnings of stories where there are far more questions than answers, lots to think about.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
Comment from nordicgirl
This is a perfect first page. It introduces intriguing possibilities without revealing anything. The main character is already established.
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This is a perfect first page. It introduces intriguing possibilities without revealing anything. The main character is already established.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
Comment from Tpa
Excellent text. Your words were so vivid as creating the tone of your story. Your very first sentence set the mood of the story. I like the description of the pine forest and th clouds so slick and polish. Well done.
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Excellent text. Your words were so vivid as creating the tone of your story. Your very first sentence set the mood of the story. I like the description of the pine forest and th clouds so slick and polish. Well done.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
Comment from bob cullen
It certainly has ignited my interest.
You've created a most interesting situation here, one that could lead off is so many directions.
I must admit I like the idea of a murdering female elf. I must confess I wasn't aware elves came in both sexes I did however fail Christmas history.
I'd like to read more
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It certainly has ignited my interest.
You've created a most interesting situation here, one that could lead off is so many directions.
I must admit I like the idea of a murdering female elf. I must confess I wasn't aware elves came in both sexes I did however fail Christmas history.
I'd like to read more
Comment Written 21-Oct-2014
Comment from ravenblack
And here I was set to groan at an early Christmas story. I should have known better. Great lead in, especially the sardonic Descartes- I bleed , therefore I am.
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And here I was set to groan at an early Christmas story. I should have known better. Great lead in, especially the sardonic Descartes- I bleed , therefore I am.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2014