Commentary and Philosophy
Viewing comments for Chapter 124 "Victim"My thoughts about t
11 total reviews
Comment from robina1978
Excellent photo to complement your poem. I like the style with repeating lines. I totally disagree with what you wrote in your foot note.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014
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Excellent photo to complement your poem. I like the style with repeating lines. I totally disagree with what you wrote in your foot note.
Comment Written 16-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014
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Thank you Ini. Sorry we didnt connect on the footnotes.
Comment from tfawcus
I read this yesterday and needed time to mull over it. I have little or no experience of this darker side of life except at second hand. My wife is a social worker and so I get to hear about these things from her. You have captured the essence of this tragic situation with great skill. It is a downward spiral from which few can find the means of escape.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014
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I read this yesterday and needed time to mull over it. I have little or no experience of this darker side of life except at second hand. My wife is a social worker and so I get to hear about these things from her. You have captured the essence of this tragic situation with great skill. It is a downward spiral from which few can find the means of escape.
Comment Written 16-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014
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Thank you tfawcus. Yes this is the dark side of a tragic spiral. I appreciate your thoughts and comments.
Comment from rod007
A deep poem but it sounds more like mental illness than abuse. This stanza I think stands out as a a piece of realism and gem in this piece:
"I pray that I might change you
And that things won't stay the same
Often feel the things we go through
That it's somehow me to blame
Somehow me to blame"
The blame is not yours. There is no blame, just the hard facts of life. Well done, Tom.
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2014
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A deep poem but it sounds more like mental illness than abuse. This stanza I think stands out as a a piece of realism and gem in this piece:
"I pray that I might change you
And that things won't stay the same
Often feel the things we go through
That it's somehow me to blame
Somehow me to blame"
The blame is not yours. There is no blame, just the hard facts of life. Well done, Tom.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2014
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Thank you rod. Good to hear from you.
Comment from Roxanna Andrews
Very well done, I think you captured the feeling and thoughts of a battered woman very well. It is sad how much of this goes on and I think it is getting worse. Rox
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2014
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Very well done, I think you captured the feeling and thoughts of a battered woman very well. It is sad how much of this goes on and I think it is getting worse. Rox
Comment Written 15-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2014
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Thank you Rox. So very sad.
Comment from RGstar
Can't say I was over keen on the last repeating lines of each stanza in such close proximity to the other but I do understand the requirement of structure. it makes it song-like, and in terms of your subject matter..it is no song.
Having said that, Treischel, you have written this with good authority of a situation that arises time and time again...often associated with love...the forgiveness, the going back and the repetition.
You have written well a subject that needs exposure. Good poetic ambiance surrounding the write.
Good delivery.
Bravo.
RG
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2014
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Can't say I was over keen on the last repeating lines of each stanza in such close proximity to the other but I do understand the requirement of structure. it makes it song-like, and in terms of your subject matter..it is no song.
Having said that, Treischel, you have written this with good authority of a situation that arises time and time again...often associated with love...the forgiveness, the going back and the repetition.
You have written well a subject that needs exposure. Good poetic ambiance surrounding the write.
Good delivery.
Bravo.
RG
Comment Written 15-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2014
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Thank you RG for your keen insights and thoughts.
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
A dramatic subject choice and perfectly suited presentation.
This is a crime that often hides in the shadows, seen but not acknowledged.
Very thoughtful and cleverly written in the Quintain format which adds a dramatic edge to the carefully chosen words.
The poem captures the essence of what life is really like for the victim and the emotional as well as physical toll the abuse wreaks.
A virtual six.
Welcome back and congratulations on your publishing dear.
:-) Shirley
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2014
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A dramatic subject choice and perfectly suited presentation.
This is a crime that often hides in the shadows, seen but not acknowledged.
Very thoughtful and cleverly written in the Quintain format which adds a dramatic edge to the carefully chosen words.
The poem captures the essence of what life is really like for the victim and the emotional as well as physical toll the abuse wreaks.
A virtual six.
Welcome back and congratulations on your publishing dear.
:-) Shirley
Comment Written 14-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2014
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Thank you so much Shirley for the review and welcome. It's been a while.
Comment from risktaker
I like the imagery, black and white color, and the structure. I like the repeating lines. I agree victims take on the responsibilities of the abusers. I feel the pain, confusion, and hopelessness. This message is well expressed. A person volunteers to be a victim, They believe that abuse is what they deserve.
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2014
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I like the imagery, black and white color, and the structure. I like the repeating lines. I agree victims take on the responsibilities of the abusers. I feel the pain, confusion, and hopelessness. This message is well expressed. A person volunteers to be a victim, They believe that abuse is what they deserve.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2014
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Thank you risktaker . Your comments are right on! I appreciate the review.
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Comment from INtity
Well deserved six stars! This poem is so true all the way to the ending. Somehow me to blame and Tomorrow will be better is the two things that always go on in the abused mind and the heart is always deceived. You wrote a graphic detail of a bruised soul with hope. Well done!
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2014
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Well deserved six stars! This poem is so true all the way to the ending. Somehow me to blame and Tomorrow will be better is the two things that always go on in the abused mind and the heart is always deceived. You wrote a graphic detail of a bruised soul with hope. Well done!
Comment Written 14-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2014
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Thank you INitty. I appreciate that you felt the emotion.
Comment from adewpearl
solid use of ababb rhyming and effective use of the echoed line
harden like a scab...an most effective simile
good instances of alliteration
vivid descriptive detail
intense expression of raw emotion
Brooke
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2014
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solid use of ababb rhyming and effective use of the echoed line
harden like a scab...an most effective simile
good instances of alliteration
vivid descriptive detail
intense expression of raw emotion
Brooke
Comment Written 14-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2014
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Thank you Brooke for a wonderful review.
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
Yes, that fifth line as a repeat or refrain certainly adds impact.
I am so pleased that you are not speaking of yourself, but I recognise the truth of what you say as I have experienced similar situations in relation to some work I do.
Why, Why, Why, can't they see? This is such a mystery to me even though I understand the psychology of the situation.
This is a very poignant and emotive write.
Warmly,
Juliette
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2014
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Yes, that fifth line as a repeat or refrain certainly adds impact.
I am so pleased that you are not speaking of yourself, but I recognise the truth of what you say as I have experienced similar situations in relation to some work I do.
Why, Why, Why, can't they see? This is such a mystery to me even though I understand the psychology of the situation.
This is a very poignant and emotive write.
Warmly,
Juliette
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2014
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Thank you Juliette, i can tell you really felt it.
