The Little Dog That Wouldn't Let Go
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "A Change In My Working Life."Subtitle: God Never Lets Go!
27 total reviews
Comment from Sasha
I found this very interesting and well written. I have to remind myself that this is Australian English and not US. I only have one suggestion, you tend to say I don't remember or I don't recall a lot, probably better to say, I probably such and such instead. Makes for a smoother read.
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2015
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I found this very interesting and well written. I have to remind myself that this is Australian English and not US. I only have one suggestion, you tend to say I don't remember or I don't recall a lot, probably better to say, I probably such and such instead. Makes for a smoother read.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2015
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Ok mate thanks for the input. Very conversational in my writing have to remember these little touches hehe. Cheers.
Comment from Halfree
I have been reading through the listings of writer's postings and, at random, stopped at your posting, A New Direction in Life. The first paragraph was very dry; just seem to be a series of sentences loosely held together and not really inviting the reader to continue.
There was a statement about cars with a sentence "more to come" At that point I was not sure if I would read beyond the first few paragraphs and the writer is telling me more is to come.
Paragraph two: Seems like a long ramble that paclks a lot of somewhat related facts about places and towns that does little to establish place or to pull the reader into the story, if there is a story, The line "over Hurtsville way..." a reader has no clue to where Hurtsville is or why it is mention way oh it's over in a somewhere place.
Also a statement a bout the boss being a union man...why can't the boss be a union man?
Ok, bottom line...serious rewrite is needed, Make an outline of your story and follow the outline. Right now the story is filled with facts and sentences that are not connect very well.
Think you have a good story hidden in a sea of words. Suggest you make the outline and Keep to it, and do a serious rewrite.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2015
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I have been reading through the listings of writer's postings and, at random, stopped at your posting, A New Direction in Life. The first paragraph was very dry; just seem to be a series of sentences loosely held together and not really inviting the reader to continue.
There was a statement about cars with a sentence "more to come" At that point I was not sure if I would read beyond the first few paragraphs and the writer is telling me more is to come.
Paragraph two: Seems like a long ramble that paclks a lot of somewhat related facts about places and towns that does little to establish place or to pull the reader into the story, if there is a story, The line "over Hurtsville way..." a reader has no clue to where Hurtsville is or why it is mention way oh it's over in a somewhere place.
Also a statement a bout the boss being a union man...why can't the boss be a union man?
Ok, bottom line...serious rewrite is needed, Make an outline of your story and follow the outline. Right now the story is filled with facts and sentences that are not connect very well.
Think you have a good story hidden in a sea of words. Suggest you make the outline and Keep to it, and do a serious rewrite.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2015
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This is part of my autobiography. Sorry if to dry for you. Wish you well.
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I was not judging or reviewing the subject of the posting; so it's your autobiography. Does it not need to be readable. Are you not writing and posting it on FS for people to read and enjoy. Does it being an autobiographjy excuse it from being well written and and readble? Am I suppose to forego any critical remarks because it is a autobiography? Really sir! I think what you are writing could be improved and would be a most enjoyable read.
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Hi again, I guess coming in so afr into my book is a bit hard for you to pick up on everything. I had intended to go back into this chapter and see if I could fix it. I have a great group of wonderful people here in Fan story who have been really encouraging. Some also have done detailed reviews like yourself and I have gone back in and improved on it. I don't expect this tome will hit the best sellers list. It was mainly for friends and any relatives who might be interested. I will go in and do more directing as far as HURSTVILLE is concerned I was not sure I had the spelling wrong in there or?? I am a bible basher and that may not help people's interest in what I write either. Thanks anyway, let you know when I fix the chapter up some more. Maybe the rating can get up some more, hehe. All this last stuff is very late being added due to a way I have figured out to add more pictures.My wife and I are on Disability and have been now since 1997. Her book on our trips we have done is in Tootsie55. But she is finished now. As I said will work on your suggestion and let you know. Once again this is not a fictional novel. It is about me, and later, my wife since 1987.
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Hi again. noticed a few of my fans you have reviewed and I like your comments about their stuff, which I really enjoy as well. Apologies for my "huffy" response before. I have had some critical reviews before and been able to improve, after I swallow my pride, hehe. Thanks again. Let you know when I work on this.
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Hi again have now done an update. Also added a link about Mac Uni in the Author notes. I tried to find the news article on the Vice Chancellor's Office occupation I mentioned but unable at the moment. I even forget what the issue was that resulted in the Student protest.
Comment from OLA THOMAS
I like reading Biographical Non-Fiction as they allow me to understand the other side of life through the experience of other people in life. This chapter is well done with details to allow a reader to have insight of your past. I love the simple dictions.
ola thomas
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2015
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I like reading Biographical Non-Fiction as they allow me to understand the other side of life through the experience of other people in life. This chapter is well done with details to allow a reader to have insight of your past. I love the simple dictions.
ola thomas
Comment Written 10-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2015
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Thanks Ola, I got top marks for English at school. probably one of my best subjects. I think we have met before. Been adding some old badly done Super 8 movies converted to DVD then to You tube on some older chapters. Hope you enjoy. No soiund sorry.
Comment from michaelcahill
A lot going on here. Some of this must be new or I missed it before. Interesting stuff. Good details too. The different translations of the Bible are interesting. Once in a while the phrasing is pretty strange. We say forgive is our "sins" in the Lord's Prayer at my little church. I'm so used to "trespasses" that I can never get used to it. mikey
HA! This goes way back. I'm still not used to "sins" over "trespasses". :))
This has quite a bit more and your graphics and bells and whistles add a lot. Really coming together. I wonder if you get notice of these updates when I post them. mikey
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2014
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A lot going on here. Some of this must be new or I missed it before. Interesting stuff. Good details too. The different translations of the Bible are interesting. Once in a while the phrasing is pretty strange. We say forgive is our "sins" in the Lord's Prayer at my little church. I'm so used to "trespasses" that I can never get used to it. mikey
HA! This goes way back. I'm still not used to "sins" over "trespasses". :))
This has quite a bit more and your graphics and bells and whistles add a lot. Really coming together. I wonder if you get notice of these updates when I post them. mikey
Comment Written 10-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2014
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Modern translation ha! Thanks for catching this all part of the broken up chapters with additions as far as Chapter 11 I think. Looking for that Converted super 8 of trip to Warrumbungles and hike up Belougery Split Rock for ya.
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Hey Mikey have you been through here again? I did add the old super 8 iuf you wanted to look at those.
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I'll stop by. :))
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I saw the above just now did you go through again? I just posyted to your question.
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Ah, yes. We're messaging on top of each other. HAHAHA. Did you receive a notice on this?
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Yes I got this one.
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Thanks mate.
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
You have led a very interesting life with an eclectic mix of interests and occupations.
Your memory, or diary, seems to serve you well and the chapters flow with ease and clarity.
:-) Shirley
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2014
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You have led a very interesting life with an eclectic mix of interests and occupations.
Your memory, or diary, seems to serve you well and the chapters flow with ease and clarity.
:-) Shirley
Comment Written 06-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2014
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ha I responded to this and FS played up. Thanks for the great review. This is the last of my split up larger chapters should have shut up and could have done more but alas my big mouth has brought that to an end. Check the Foot in Mouth Poem for a hint.
Comment from judiverse
You should have done your snoozing during those films that you found objectionable. That is a dilemma, showing and having to watch films the contents of which you disagreed. As it was part of your job, not much you could do. College students today have to sit through a lot of lectures that they totally disagree with. I certainly wouldn't have cared for B. F. Skinner. That must have been exciting--doing the lights for the Review. Added--Funny comment about being the KJV man. I remember those old projectors. The film was always breaking or something happened to the machine when I was trying to show a film in class. Now it's all power to Power Point and DVDs. judi
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2014
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You should have done your snoozing during those films that you found objectionable. That is a dilemma, showing and having to watch films the contents of which you disagreed. As it was part of your job, not much you could do. College students today have to sit through a lot of lectures that they totally disagree with. I certainly wouldn't have cared for B. F. Skinner. That must have been exciting--doing the lights for the Review. Added--Funny comment about being the KJV man. I remember those old projectors. The film was always breaking or something happened to the machine when I was trying to show a film in class. Now it's all power to Power Point and DVDs. judi
Comment Written 05-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2014
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Loved the lights hated old BF for sure ha thanks for the great
review.
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You're so welcome. Your story is so interesting. judi
Comment from RonCraig
Hello Geoff,
I am continuing to enjoy your writing and how well you recall these moments in your life. The grouping of experiences within a specific time frame is better here.
What throws me a little is when you describe a specific experience, like the wrong size reel and close with "Not sure what happened. I forget now..."
I have not doubt that is an honest comment but it feels like that segment is hanging out there without closure. What I am suggesting here is giving us a "I probably woke up panicked as the film ran all over the floor."
My point in the example is we understand with "I probably" that you don't recall exactly what happened but you knowing you gave us a probable guess offering a segment conclusion.
I hope that makes sense,
Ron
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2014
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Hello Geoff,
I am continuing to enjoy your writing and how well you recall these moments in your life. The grouping of experiences within a specific time frame is better here.
What throws me a little is when you describe a specific experience, like the wrong size reel and close with "Not sure what happened. I forget now..."
I have not doubt that is an honest comment but it feels like that segment is hanging out there without closure. What I am suggesting here is giving us a "I probably woke up panicked as the film ran all over the floor."
My point in the example is we understand with "I probably" that you don't recall exactly what happened but you knowing you gave us a probable guess offering a segment conclusion.
I hope that makes sense,
Ron
Comment Written 05-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2014
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Thanks Ron, I guess the possibility it=is as you said but I was not sure if the film did run all over the floor. I might have been lucky. By the way if you have sween some other remarks I got into trouble after I told Tom I was splitting up the chapters for breach of rules so this was probably the last one. Boo hoo. Just letting you know we are back to big chapters after Chapter 10 I thn k. Thanks for coming by. Next time I right something big I will do more chapters and smaller ha. Will go back and look at this and see what I can do with it.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
WOW OH WOW! How impressive! You have done really great things. I knew I enjoyed your work, but it was only little ol' me. Now I know others do too.
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2014
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WOW OH WOW! How impressive! You have done really great things. I knew I enjoyed your work, but it was only little ol' me. Now I know others do too.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2014
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Hi Barb yeah from this one on there are no more part 2's due to my big mouth I mentioned above.
Comment from GWinterwin
Good story my friend telling about your experiences on campus. Sounds like you had fun, but was a learning experience also.
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2014
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Good story my friend telling about your experiences on campus. Sounds like you had fun, but was a learning experience also.
Comment Written 03-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2014
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Thanks Bro my big mouth got me in trouble with Tom should have shut up can't do these splits no more :( See my poem about Fred the Foot in Mouth man.
Comment from c_lucas
There is much more to being a projectionist than tuning the projection on. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a good read.
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2014
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There is much more to being a projectionist than tuning the projection on. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a good read.
Comment Written 03-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2014
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Thanks mate have you read my rant poem? Sorry if you did already.
I was supposed to learn the 35 Millimeter projection you know those big old ones before the new technology platform type projection I don't know what they are called. At Mac UNi we had one 70 millimeter not sure how often they ran 70 millimeter film in it though. Took both I think.
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You're welcome. Geoff. Charlie
