Ocean
It is about how I feel about oceans.5 total reviews
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
I like how you expressed your feelings in your poem. I would suggest a background of blue (like the ocean) but, that is just me. Your line 2 has only 6 syllables not 7. Perhaps you could say something like :
how you deceive me at times
****************************NEW
line 2 still has 6 syllables. It needs exactly 7. I can tell you are working on your poem. Keep writing.
These are just friendly suggestions. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014
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I like how you expressed your feelings in your poem. I would suggest a background of blue (like the ocean) but, that is just me. Your line 2 has only 6 syllables not 7. Perhaps you could say something like :
how you deceive me at times
****************************NEW
line 2 still has 6 syllables. It needs exactly 7. I can tell you are working on your poem. Keep writing.
These are just friendly suggestions. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014
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thank you for your honest appreciation and suggestion hope you can keep reviewing my work in future too.this is my first attempt ever on fanstory.
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You did a good job for the 1st. Do go back and edit your poem to make the 2nd line 7 syllables. Go to your poem, look for the little 'edit' box near the top, click on it. Now you can change anything and everything. When you are done, click save down at the bottom, and then you can read your poem with any changes. You can keep editing as many times. Just remember to check 'save' each time. Do make 7 syllables or the judges will not be happy. I have to edit my work all the time as I am fairly new at this, too. I just offered you my opinion. I am not a perfect reviewer to rely on. I just wanted to help.
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You did a good job for the 1st. Do go back and edit your poem to make the 2nd line 7 syllables. Go to your poem, look for the little 'edit' box near the top, click on it. Now you can change anything and everything. When you are done, click save down at the bottom, and then you can read your poem with any changes. You can keep editing as many times. Just remember to check 'save' each time. Do make 7 syllables or the judges will not be happy. I have to edit my work all the time as I am fairly new at this, too. I just offered you my opinion. I am not a perfect reviewer to rely on. I just wanted to help.
..
Comment from trimple
hi there Syna
What a really lovely 5-7-5 poem.
i like the way you have considered all of the movements of the sea and likened them to your feelings.
lovely lovely poem.
Good luck my friend.
kind regards
tracey trimple
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014
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hi there Syna
What a really lovely 5-7-5 poem.
i like the way you have considered all of the movements of the sea and likened them to your feelings.
lovely lovely poem.
Good luck my friend.
kind regards
tracey trimple
Comment Written 18-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014
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thank you for your appreciation.i hope you review my work in future too.
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I certainly will :)
You have a lovely way with words
kind regards
tracey trimple:)
Comment from Wendyanne
Hi Syna. Is this your first post on here? This is a nice little 5-7-5 poem in which you have expressed your thoughts about the ocean and the changes to it caused by the wind. Well done and good luck.
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2014
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Hi Syna. Is this your first post on here? This is a nice little 5-7-5 poem in which you have expressed your thoughts about the ocean and the changes to it caused by the wind. Well done and good luck.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2014
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thank you for reading my poem i will try and write more maybe even stories.
Comment from skye
oh lovely ocean
why deceive me at times
when the wind goes by
The huge waves, the turbulence, and the storms play against the smooth blue calmness. I love the ocean too.
Excellent.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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oh lovely ocean
why deceive me at times
when the wind goes by
The huge waves, the turbulence, and the storms play against the smooth blue calmness. I love the ocean too.
Excellent.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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thank you very much i would also like to read your stories poems etc
Comment from James Dooney
This is quite a nice little haiku you have going on here ! I feel that it will do well in the prompt. I hope it does and I wish you well !
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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This is quite a nice little haiku you have going on here ! I feel that it will do well in the prompt. I hope it does and I wish you well !
Comment Written 16-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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thank you i would really like to read your stories poems etc.
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thank you i wish you well too
