Comment from Cat of Letters

Excellent

I am enjoying this so much. I ought to go to bed, but have started from the beginning. This is a real page turner!

Typo: wrong form of 'their' in the chapter subtitle.

This Roman bit really shines, it is very well drawn and powerful.

Alison

 Comment Written 03-May-2015

Comment from amanda98653

Excellent

Excellent exchanges of unceasing events.

Suggestions:

1. She was(,) after all(,) one of his slaves.

2. "they have come to awareness in the time it has taken me to bring this message."

they're aware of the amount of time it has taken me to bring this message.

3. "She paced as activity whirled around her"

best to change "activity" to "thoughts". Make the noun plural if you want to keep it.

hugs

Amanda

 Comment Written 16-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014

Good tips. So pleased you are following. Write something!! On my phone. Sorry so short. Mikey

reply by amanda98653 on 17-Sep-2014

It's okie, Mikey. Don't sweat it. I love your writing, and I'm sure your new novel will go far.

Big hugs :)

Comment from Sasha

Excellent

You got my heat beating with this one. It seem there is a real possibility that Tibertin is doomed, yet will the slaves be able to take control? I have to read the next post so adios for now...

 Comment Written 15-Sep-2014

Comment from Nosha17

Excellent

The historical content is very well written, the descriptions spot on. The intrigue and characters are well drawn and it is an exciting story. Most enjoyable. Faye

 Comment Written 15-Sep-2014

Comment from Sankey

Excellent

A great read again mate. Needs some work more or less depending on how you take my suggestions.

Here goes a spag in the intro to start...

The Persians come to free there (their)people from Roman servitude.

is the following typical American misspell or an error? ....slave rebel(l)ion

Suggestion for correct sentence construction.... to the north and the valley (through which the Persian forces would approach)...instead of...that the Persian forces would be approaching through.

 Comment Written 15-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 15-Sep-2014

Just this American. Hahaha. Agree on the sentence. Much better. Good call on that. Mine was pretty awkward. A big improvement. Miles behind. Running to the head of the line to say hello!! Working on your book? Anything to look over yet? mikey

reply by Sankey on 15-Sep-2014

Been tryig to cut back some chapters and break others into two very soon getting it out for big review and major edit or vice versa hehe! Getting pictures ready for the published edition.

Comment from CR Delport

Excellent

I am sure if the slaves become aware that the city is unprotected, they can take it over with no problems. Another well crafted chapter.

 Comment Written 15-Sep-2014

Comment from Green Lake Girl

Excellent

You've set up the story for quite a crescendo, Mikey. These two souls are at cross purposes and it'll be interesting who "wins". I'm enjoying this story a great deal.

 Comment Written 14-Sep-2014

Comment from seaglass

Excellent

The tension is in crescendo as battle time approaches. I would think slaves, conditioned from heavy work, and motivated be dreams of freedom cold be a viscous foe.

 Comment Written 14-Sep-2014

Comment from Phyllis Stewart

Excellent

Well, I'm going to TELL the slaves myself and ruin your story. Hehe. What's their phone number, by the way?

I love this part of the story... one of the best on the site today. :)

 Comment Written 14-Sep-2014

Comment from nancy_e_davis

Excellent

Wow this is getting intense. Isn't it amazing how love and desire can bring the downfall of a powerful leader. It hasn't dawned on him yet that Allutia was there when he received news of the attack. Will he realize that before it is too late?
Very exciting Mikey! well done. Nancy

 Comment Written 14-Sep-2014