Black Sky, Red Sun
Drifter with a story to tell.28 total reviews
Comment from Darkhorse555
a well deserved first place mikey congratulations on your win pal really very enjoyable piece of reading excellent write keep up the good work smiling
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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a well deserved first place mikey congratulations on your win pal really very enjoyable piece of reading excellent write keep up the good work smiling
Comment Written 16-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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Thank you very much. Computer down. On my phone. Gotta catch up on your biography. Good stuff.
Comment from ragamuffin
Shortly after I started reading, I noticed the voice inside my head reading the words was talking like the folks on that movie, O Brother Where Art Thou. It all flowed smoothly and well as a narrative. Excellent description that created a feel as well as a picture. Does indeed leave one wondering what's next with the talk of all the murders and dying.
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Shortly after I started reading, I noticed the voice inside my head reading the words was talking like the folks on that movie, O Brother Where Art Thou. It all flowed smoothly and well as a narrative. Excellent description that created a feel as well as a picture. Does indeed leave one wondering what's next with the talk of all the murders and dying.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2014
Comment from Sasha
I can see why this won. Marvelous story, excellent dialogue and lots of unanswered questions. Is he a closet serial killer...kinda got that feeling from this. Now you have to give us more or we will all be loosing sleep trying to fill in the gaps. Great work with this one.
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I can see why this won. Marvelous story, excellent dialogue and lots of unanswered questions. Is he a closet serial killer...kinda got that feeling from this. Now you have to give us more or we will all be loosing sleep trying to fill in the gaps. Great work with this one.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2014
Comment from Tatarka2
I know this won the contest, so I gave you 5 stars. I so much prefer it when you write with your own voice, though. To me, this sounded pretentiously like you were trying to create dialogue that wasn't natural to you. But that's just my humble opinion, and what do I know?
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I know this won the contest, so I gave you 5 stars. I so much prefer it when you write with your own voice, though. To me, this sounded pretentiously like you were trying to create dialogue that wasn't natural to you. But that's just my humble opinion, and what do I know?
Comment Written 15-Sep-2014
Comment from drivenbackward
Strong character. You delivered the background without it being boring. Nice. A few notes to consider:
"my muse and I were in tune on that one", -- Comma inside quotations.
Had me a momma and a daddy too -- Comma after 'daddy'
I do miss my momma though -- Comma after 'momma'
What's the harm in it though? -- Comma after 'it'
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Strong character. You delivered the background without it being boring. Nice. A few notes to consider:
"my muse and I were in tune on that one", -- Comma inside quotations.
Had me a momma and a daddy too -- Comma after 'daddy'
I do miss my momma though -- Comma after 'momma'
What's the harm in it though? -- Comma after 'it'
Comment Written 15-Sep-2014
Comment from 1954speed
Very well written in the appropriate voice for the character. It fullfilled the contest interntion in a strong fashion. Good job and congratulations, Michael.
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Very well written in the appropriate voice for the character. It fullfilled the contest interntion in a strong fashion. Good job and congratulations, Michael.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2014
Comment from Sankey
Good story mate. Always like your stories. I think I like stories more than poems but there are some good ones out there too hehe.
One suggestion for ya.
What with Stripes dyin' and all, it(I?) was filled with too many sad memories.
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Good story mate. Always like your stories. I think I like stories more than poems but there are some good ones out there too hehe.
One suggestion for ya.
What with Stripes dyin' and all, it(I?) was filled with too many sad memories.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2014
Comment from Linda Engel
Well, of course, only crazy people live in Georgia. Hell,
we think about killin' our kin and neighbors all the time only your boy had the guts to do it. :) A great tale that should be continued. Your audience loves your stories. Good use of dialect and characterization leading us to the point that we want to know of his travels and who gets in his way next. He seems the type of kid that would keep a dead bird in his pocket just to have something to sing to.
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Well, of course, only crazy people live in Georgia. Hell,
we think about killin' our kin and neighbors all the time only your boy had the guts to do it. :) A great tale that should be continued. Your audience loves your stories. Good use of dialect and characterization leading us to the point that we want to know of his travels and who gets in his way next. He seems the type of kid that would keep a dead bird in his pocket just to have something to sing to.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2014
Comment from dreamin'
Excellent! May we have some more, please?
Great imagery. I love the way everything seems to slow down...it was like watching molasses pour from a jar.
"Daddy went to fight them Nazis. We won, but daddy, well, he lost." This single line said everything we need to know about the era.
Favorite line: I'd be lyin' if I claimed a hole in my heart for her.
You've certainly left a lot of unasked and unanswered questions! Is this seemingly gentle, song-writing soul really a serial killer? A multiple personality? Or is he just exceptionally unlucky in the wrong place every single time....
A couple of misspellings...I'm sure someone has already pointed them out, but I can't not mention them, just in case...
I've little else to do riddin'(ridin')the rails
there was that awful busineess (business)
Looks like you're on your way to winning this contest. I would vote for you, but I voted for myself! :)
Good luck,
Debbie
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Excellent! May we have some more, please?
Great imagery. I love the way everything seems to slow down...it was like watching molasses pour from a jar.
"Daddy went to fight them Nazis. We won, but daddy, well, he lost." This single line said everything we need to know about the era.
Favorite line: I'd be lyin' if I claimed a hole in my heart for her.
You've certainly left a lot of unasked and unanswered questions! Is this seemingly gentle, song-writing soul really a serial killer? A multiple personality? Or is he just exceptionally unlucky in the wrong place every single time....
A couple of misspellings...I'm sure someone has already pointed them out, but I can't not mention them, just in case...
I've little else to do riddin'(ridin')the rails
there was that awful busineess (business)
Looks like you're on your way to winning this contest. I would vote for you, but I voted for myself! :)
Good luck,
Debbie
Comment Written 14-Sep-2014
Comment from Acquired Taste
Excellent "wanna know more" entry. And, if you value my reviewing any other of your work - you'd had better finish this one! (or give it to me!)
Love the way you've set up so many possibilities. Obviously with my tilted sense of life - he's the hatchet guy with another personality - but, I digress...this is about your story.
Good luck with this one. Jean
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Excellent "wanna know more" entry. And, if you value my reviewing any other of your work - you'd had better finish this one! (or give it to me!)
Love the way you've set up so many possibilities. Obviously with my tilted sense of life - he's the hatchet guy with another personality - but, I digress...this is about your story.
Good luck with this one. Jean
Comment Written 14-Sep-2014