haiku (churning cascade)
Contest sponsor okayed 17 syllables or less.11 total reviews
Comment from Domino 2
Top alliteration in every line, MA.
Powerful and vivid first line and double-meaning philosophical second line, plus top finale.
Nice one.
Cheers, Ray xx
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2014
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Top alliteration in every line, MA.
Powerful and vivid first line and double-meaning philosophical second line, plus top finale.
Nice one.
Cheers, Ray xx
Comment Written 14-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2014
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Thank you so much for the very kind encouragement.
Comment from kiwisteveh
Good alliteration along with the double meaning of fluid in the last line. Your syllable count is not as instructed - does it matter?
Our world could do with a little cleaning of its debris.
Steve
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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Good alliteration along with the double meaning of fluid in the last line. Your syllable count is not as instructed - does it matter?
Our world could do with a little cleaning of its debris.
Steve
Comment Written 13-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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Thank you for the encouragement. The contest sponsor okayed less than 17 syllables when it was pointed out that a traditional haiku is not a strict 5-7-5. I agree, perhaps another flood is in order? Shall you build the ark or shall I? LOL!
Comment from Smoothiecool
good luck in the contest
your few words portray the churning waterfall washing all the debris down in the free flowing water
cheers smoothiecool
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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good luck in the contest
your few words portray the churning waterfall washing all the debris down in the free flowing water
cheers smoothiecool
Comment Written 13-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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Thank you for the kind encouragement.
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welcome..SC
Comment from Ben Colder
Been here at night looking at the beautiful falls under various colored lights. Out standing, they are. Well done poet. Best to you.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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Been here at night looking at the beautiful falls under various colored lights. Out standing, they are. Well done poet. Best to you.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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Thank you for the very kind encouragement.
Comment from Winslow
Dear Mystic,
A fluid free fall for sure. Good alliteration in all three lines. Stunning picture to highlight your poem.
Warm regards,
Winslow
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2014
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Dear Mystic,
A fluid free fall for sure. Good alliteration in all three lines. Stunning picture to highlight your poem.
Warm regards,
Winslow
Comment Written 12-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2014
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Thank you so much for the kind encouragement.
Comment from adewpearl
a delightful extended metaphor of the waterfall as a washing machine :-)
lovely use of alliteration throughout
vivid descriptive detail that is delightful in tone :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2014
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a delightful extended metaphor of the waterfall as a washing machine :-)
lovely use of alliteration throughout
vivid descriptive detail that is delightful in tone :-) Brooke
Comment Written 12-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2014
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Thank you for the kind encouragement.
Comment from risktaker
Beautiful imagery, fantastic message. I love the force of the water cleansing the world from the grime of war, filth, and uncontrolled violence. I love "fluid free fall." I see an image of the force and movement of the water removing the dirt easily, effortlessly, and completely. Thanks
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2014
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Beautiful imagery, fantastic message. I love the force of the water cleansing the world from the grime of war, filth, and uncontrolled violence. I love "fluid free fall." I see an image of the force and movement of the water removing the dirt easily, effortlessly, and completely. Thanks
Comment Written 12-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2014
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Thank you for the kind words.
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ok
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Love it. You did a great job with the prompt. I love the picture. It is perfect for your words. I like the alliteration. No changes to suggest. Good job and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2014
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Love it. You did a great job with the prompt. I love the picture. It is perfect for your words. I like the alliteration. No changes to suggest. Good job and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2014
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Thank you.
Comment from kiwijenny
churning cascade
washing worldly debris clean
fluid free fall
I love the imagery of this...washing worldly debris clean...
God bless
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2014
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churning cascade
washing worldly debris clean
fluid free fall
I love the imagery of this...washing worldly debris clean...
God bless
Comment Written 12-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2014
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Thank you.
Comment from Eric1
This is a brilliantly constructed haiku for this particular competition my friend, the writing is full of description, imagery and great alliteration. Good luck!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2014
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This is a brilliantly constructed haiku for this particular competition my friend, the writing is full of description, imagery and great alliteration. Good luck!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2014
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Thank you.
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You are so welcome my friend