The Caretaker
Watching a saint. ( in five lines; a Gogyoshi)24 total reviews
Comment from ravenblack
At first, I did not like the closing line. Came back to it and I understand completely. She humbly is of service- I get the feeling this caretaker cares for someone who is I'll- and her meal is also humble and humbly prepared. No lavish dinner- just another thankless labor I.e. taken for granted.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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At first, I did not like the closing line. Came back to it and I understand completely. She humbly is of service- I get the feeling this caretaker cares for someone who is I'll- and her meal is also humble and humbly prepared. No lavish dinner- just another thankless labor I.e. taken for granted.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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Thank you for revisiting. That is exactly why it was ended that way. I appreciate your thoughtfulness.
Comment from Mark Valentine
Working late tonight and read this just as the cleaning woman came into my office to empty the trash can (I said thank you) - made it all the more powerful. What an evocative picture you paint - every line adds an important piece to the overall picture. "She wipes tired hands on her jeans" - great great line, and the middle line "along with a prayer" serves to remind everyone of the humanity and dignity of this, and all, workers.
One of my favorites
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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Working late tonight and read this just as the cleaning woman came into my office to empty the trash can (I said thank you) - made it all the more powerful. What an evocative picture you paint - every line adds an important piece to the overall picture. "She wipes tired hands on her jeans" - great great line, and the middle line "along with a prayer" serves to remind everyone of the humanity and dignity of this, and all, workers.
One of my favorites
Comment Written 10-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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O.k. I missed seeing these comments...and now I am sitting here, wondering how I got to be so lucky in meeting people like you in my life. I may never even meet you, yet your friendship and what you think matter greatly to me.
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
This is a lovely entry for the contest. It also makes a very good limerick. The description of the caretaker is very good. 'wipes tired hands on her jeans.... pins back her hair' - lovely words. Good luck in the contest. Warm regards Dorothy x
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2014
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This is a lovely entry for the contest. It also makes a very good limerick. The description of the caretaker is very good. 'wipes tired hands on her jeans.... pins back her hair' - lovely words. Good luck in the contest. Warm regards Dorothy x
Comment Written 10-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2014
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Thank you so much, Dorothy. Your comments are always so welcomed...and I appreciate every one.
Comment from Leineco
I am impressed with the power of this sparse poem. The essence of a caretakers life is starkly outlined by the hairpin she uses in the middle of her everyday pattern of service. Wearing a path from bathroom to kitchen, she scrambles to keep everything under control. And when she has a moment. . .she tosses in a prayer for good measure.
Nicely done :-)
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2014
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I am impressed with the power of this sparse poem. The essence of a caretakers life is starkly outlined by the hairpin she uses in the middle of her everyday pattern of service. Wearing a path from bathroom to kitchen, she scrambles to keep everything under control. And when she has a moment. . .she tosses in a prayer for good measure.
Nicely done :-)
Comment Written 09-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2014
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Because I am such a fan of yours,and because I know what these stars mean, your words meant a great deal to me. It was like I was in a conversation with someone and they turned to me and said,"I get it." There is no greater joy than someone understanding. Thank you.
Comment from adewpearl
one, two, three, four, five - yep, you followed all the rules ;-)
good consonance of hard C sounds in caretaker/scurries/kitchen
good use of enjambment
vivid and inspiring character description
Brooke
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2014
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one, two, three, four, five - yep, you followed all the rules ;-)
good consonance of hard C sounds in caretaker/scurries/kitchen
good use of enjambment
vivid and inspiring character description
Brooke
Comment Written 09-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2014
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Brooke, Thank you for my giggles and for pulling out some things that make me think. Thank you for always helping.
Comment from Dean Kuch
Yes, I agree, poet. God bless each and everyone one of the thoughtful caretakers of this world. Their selfless sacrifices and sometimes thankless jobs help many elderly, sick and dying people live out their remaining days with peace and humility.
Well done!
Good luck in the contest. :)
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2014
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Yes, I agree, poet. God bless each and everyone one of the thoughtful caretakers of this world. Their selfless sacrifices and sometimes thankless jobs help many elderly, sick and dying people live out their remaining days with peace and humility.
Well done!
Good luck in the contest. :)
Comment Written 09-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2014
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Thank you so very much. I feel a closeness to this one. Again...my thanks.
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You're very welcome, anonymous. :}
Comment from kukarad70
Dear Author
You have written beautiful poem, the rush of the caretaker for all rounder works. She has to do many works at one time and she is tired up with.
Very nice setting of words and the description about her messed up life.
Wish your winning the contest.
Thanks and regards.
Kamal
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2014
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Dear Author
You have written beautiful poem, the rush of the caretaker for all rounder works. She has to do many works at one time and she is tired up with.
Very nice setting of words and the description about her messed up life.
Wish your winning the contest.
Thanks and regards.
Kamal
Comment Written 09-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2014
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Kamal, Your words have humbled me...and I sincerely thank you.
Comment from Judy Couch
This is well written and rhymes nicely. It's easy to read and tells a story. The picture enhances it well. You've done a good job.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2014
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This is well written and rhymes nicely. It's easy to read and tells a story. The picture enhances it well. You've done a good job.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2014
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Thank you, Judy. I am so glad you read it as a story.
Comment from Acquired Taste
So very poignant and very sad. There are so many caretakers and it is unusual for anyone to think about them - only the person that is ill. A very nice entry for this contest. Good luck. AT=/
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2014
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So very poignant and very sad. There are so many caretakers and it is unusual for anyone to think about them - only the person that is ill. A very nice entry for this contest. Good luck. AT=/
Comment Written 09-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2014
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Bless your heart. Thanks for your understanding.
Comment from rrabinow
Wonderfully written poem for this prompt. Great format to your poem, and great flow as well. I enjoyed reading your poem. Best of luck.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2014
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Wonderfully written poem for this prompt. Great format to your poem, and great flow as well. I enjoyed reading your poem. Best of luck.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2014
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Thank you for reading this and taking the time to comment. I appreciate what you said!