naani (shoulders sag)
naani poetry contest18 total reviews
Comment from jessizero
This poem was well-written and tragic. It reminds me of someone who recently passed away after relapsing. Your last line really drove home the message. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2024
  |
This poem was well-written and tragic. It reminds me of someone who recently passed away after relapsing. Your last line really drove home the message. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2024
-
Thank you for this lovely review
Comment from Janet Foor
I read all the contest entries before I responded and I can see why you are upset. I always thought this site was good at eliminating entries that didn't meet the requirements. So sorry - Val - yours should have been a winner.
Blessings
Janet
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
 |
I read all the contest entries before I responded and I can see why you are upset. I always thought this site was good at eliminating entries that didn't meet the requirements. So sorry - Val - yours should have been a winner.
Blessings
Janet
Comment Written 09-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
-
Well, "In a Flash" wasn't as good as this naani, but I really feel the judging of these contests should be more strict to the form. It seems short form poems are just a joke on this site.
-
I agree. I have been eliminated before when I missed a detail of the contest. Maybe other people are reviewing for eligibility today.
My husband is getting better but still has a ways to go. Thanks for asking.
Hope you are doing well too.
Blessings
Hanett
Comment from Bill Schott
This naani, Shoulders Sag, has the proper formatting and witnesses what seems to be the end of the game of second, third, and twentieth chances to save a life.
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
|
This naani, Shoulders Sag, has the proper formatting and witnesses what seems to be the end of the game of second, third, and twentieth chances to save a life.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
-
Thanks for the review
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Oh dear, this guy has fallen off the wagon here in your poem Val and once hooked on alcohol it is hard to stop drinking, although not impossible. A fine post telling a story in so few words, very clever, love Dolly x x x
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
|
Oh dear, this guy has fallen off the wagon here in your poem Val and once hooked on alcohol it is hard to stop drinking, although not impossible. A fine post telling a story in so few words, very clever, love Dolly x x x
Comment Written 09-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
-
Thank you, Dolly
Comment from Mark Jackson
Love it, the recent naani competition just was not explained very well. I worry that this site is not actually interested in good poetry and poetry education. I found it so difficult to find what you were meant to write but I did do research and so focused on human relationships. Thanks for sharing this.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2024
|
Love it, the recent naani competition just was not explained very well. I worry that this site is not actually interested in good poetry and poetry education. I found it so difficult to find what you were meant to write but I did do research and so focused on human relationships. Thanks for sharing this.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2024
-
Thank you, I agree.
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Nice presentation and good topic, Val.
-You have used your syllables very well
and tell a story with those few words.
-You create a very good word picture
as this person is looking for a bar
"on a dimly lit street."
-The concluding line is very good and
shows the unfortunate result of
seeking out the bars.
-Well done.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2024
|
-Nice presentation and good topic, Val.
-You have used your syllables very well
and tell a story with those few words.
-You create a very good word picture
as this person is looking for a bar
"on a dimly lit street."
-The concluding line is very good and
shows the unfortunate result of
seeking out the bars.
-Well done.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2024
-
Thank you
-
You are welcome. Nice profile picture!
Comment from jmdg1954
No photo or artwork is needed in order to see your picture clearly. An alcoholic who has since left the program is back seeking the next drink. Could be someone on the verge of becoming an alcoholic, maybe in denial? Regardless, the dimly lit street in a run down side of town possibly...
Nicely composed. John
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2014
|
No photo or artwork is needed in order to see your picture clearly. An alcoholic who has since left the program is back seeking the next drink. Could be someone on the verge of becoming an alcoholic, maybe in denial? Regardless, the dimly lit street in a run down side of town possibly...
Nicely composed. John
Comment Written 08-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2014
-
Thank you, John, this is my brother and law and others I've known who get help, but it just doesn't work. I agree with your comment about the "dimly lit" I changed it but have one 25 syllables to work with. None the less, it was an excellent suggestion.
Comment from Dean Kuch
It does, Val, the images you've painted using only the palette of the English language comes through, loud and clear.
I will tell you what I envisioned, however, if that's okay?
I see an elderly man, broken by life and poor choices made, walking along on a cobble stoned street. He's draped in the pale light of a single, solitary streetlamp. His head is down, and it has been raining. He is soaked to the bone, cold and shivering, and the landscape around him is drenched as well. His hand is on the door of an Irish pub, yet we can sense his reluctance to enter. Perhaps he's only lonely, and seeks companionship. Or, perhaps he's so miserable, only a drink can get him through the night, in his mind.
Wonderfully done, and I wish you the very best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2014
|
It does, Val, the images you've painted using only the palette of the English language comes through, loud and clear.
I will tell you what I envisioned, however, if that's okay?
I see an elderly man, broken by life and poor choices made, walking along on a cobble stoned street. He's draped in the pale light of a single, solitary streetlamp. His head is down, and it has been raining. He is soaked to the bone, cold and shivering, and the landscape around him is drenched as well. His hand is on the door of an Irish pub, yet we can sense his reluctance to enter. Perhaps he's only lonely, and seeks companionship. Or, perhaps he's so miserable, only a drink can get him through the night, in his mind.
Wonderfully done, and I wish you the very best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2014
-
Dean, as usual your review is far better than what I wrote. I actually feel a longer piece coming on after reading it. None the less, it's just a naani so I'm limited. I'm actually describing my brother in law here, who is sadly in the last throws of alcoholism. He's has every opportunity to get better but nothing ever lasts. Sadness has replaced all anger, and now we hope his final days are near. He's in his 60s and there isn't much hope. I'm glad you felt what I was trying to convey.
Comment from LateBloomer
Hello Val Crisson, A timely naani poem. The alcohol and drug epidemic in this country is on the rise. Your message is clear, and leaves the heart in a sunken state.
Of note:
months of rehab left behind
A poem of truth.
Keep the blue waters flowing. LateBloomer
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2014
|
Hello Val Crisson, A timely naani poem. The alcohol and drug epidemic in this country is on the rise. Your message is clear, and leaves the heart in a sunken state.
Of note:
months of rehab left behind
A poem of truth.
Keep the blue waters flowing. LateBloomer
Comment Written 08-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2014
-
I agree with you, and drugs are worse. Thank you for the wonderful review.
Comment from gypsycaravan
Having a stepson who drank himself to death after many months clean and many new opportunities facing him, yes, of course, the raw emotion screams out from your poem. Terrific naani, just wish it was fiction to me. Thanks for posting.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2014
|
Having a stepson who drank himself to death after many months clean and many new opportunities facing him, yes, of course, the raw emotion screams out from your poem. Terrific naani, just wish it was fiction to me. Thanks for posting.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2014
-
I wish it was fiction for me too, as I'm describing my brother in law and another family members. Thank you for the wonderful review.
