Reap What You Sow
A legend is born.54 total reviews
Comment from Charlene0513
A very gory and merciless story that sends chills up your spine just knowing that the self-indulgent ways to freedom has led the young lad into the arms of a inhuman vampire.
Charlene
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2014
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A very gory and merciless story that sends chills up your spine just knowing that the self-indulgent ways to freedom has led the young lad into the arms of a inhuman vampire.
Charlene
Comment Written 11-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2014
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Wow. Thank you for the great review!
Comment from Leineco
First - very clever "ire of the vamp" For that alone I give this high marks :-)
But more importantly, second, WOW. I did not think a full blown story could be written so compellingly when restricted to single syllable words.
Except for one small unclear image I would give this a 6. In the opening paragraph you write barred from my home by a vast pool of shit and piss.. . .this implies a very very long time trapped in this cave, unable to go somewhere (home). But the story entails endless hunting All my life, you hound me." of the "beast" and implies he is believed (erroneously) to be responsible for killing and feeding on human blood.
I realize, at the end, you make it clear it is his own self-imposed "chains" that kept him from being the beast they perceive (that "trapped" him)- but the problem is, you had opened by establishing a physical barrier, and now convert it to a "psychological" barrier. If that one line were somehow less concrete I would happily give this a six.
Nonetheless - very engaging story. Especially the final twist/condemnation - ". . .I live off blood; you live off hate." resulting in the creation of the very beast they fear. :-)
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2014
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First - very clever "ire of the vamp" For that alone I give this high marks :-)
But more importantly, second, WOW. I did not think a full blown story could be written so compellingly when restricted to single syllable words.
Except for one small unclear image I would give this a 6. In the opening paragraph you write barred from my home by a vast pool of shit and piss.. . .this implies a very very long time trapped in this cave, unable to go somewhere (home). But the story entails endless hunting All my life, you hound me." of the "beast" and implies he is believed (erroneously) to be responsible for killing and feeding on human blood.
I realize, at the end, you make it clear it is his own self-imposed "chains" that kept him from being the beast they perceive (that "trapped" him)- but the problem is, you had opened by establishing a physical barrier, and now convert it to a "psychological" barrier. If that one line were somehow less concrete I would happily give this a six.
Nonetheless - very engaging story. Especially the final twist/condemnation - ". . .I live off blood; you live off hate." resulting in the creation of the very beast they fear. :-)
Comment Written 11-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2014
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Leineco,
I truly appreciate the review, and see your point. What I meant to convey is that he is in a sewer, it's been the whole night that they've chased him and he is at the end of a tunnel. The are coming toward him. The barrier is both physical and emotional. The tunnel keeps him from going any where other then straight toward the men. He knows he could take them, but doesn't want to. I will look at this again to ssee if I can clear up any confusion. Thanks again for the awesome review.
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Ah! Got it. :-)
How about something like:
Cold. Starved. Parched. I sit, a lone form in the dark, mired in this sewer cesspool of shit and piss.
:-)
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oops! two syllable words! Dang. Lemme think about it a little longer LOL
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mired in this pit of man's shit and piss sludge?
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wait! or
hemmed in by the sludge of man's shit and piss waste.
(LOL . . .last recommendation, I promise ;-)
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Lol. I appreciate effort.
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Can you stand one more? ;-)
Comment from Kausar_Javeria
Hello there~!
Wow! This is great. It has quite the message as well. But the way you used only one syllable in each word, I applaud you.
Good luck in the contest!
JazakAllah Khair~!
(God Bless~!)
(^_^)-<~~KAUSAR~~>-(^_^)
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2014
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Hello there~!
Wow! This is great. It has quite the message as well. But the way you used only one syllable in each word, I applaud you.
Good luck in the contest!
JazakAllah Khair~!
(God Bless~!)
(^_^)-<~~KAUSAR~~>-(^_^)
Comment Written 11-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2014
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Wow. Thanks for the great review. it is much appreciated.
Comment from OLA THOMAS
A very thrilling thriller flash fiction. I enjoyed this post, with details to move the readers through the page. Nicely done.
ola thomas
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2014
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A very thrilling thriller flash fiction. I enjoyed this post, with details to move the readers through the page. Nicely done.
ola thomas
Comment Written 11-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2014
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Thrilling is a great word. Thanks for the excellent review.
Comment from Tsukuyomi969
Hey, that was impressive, to tell such a compelling story with only single syllable words. I also liked the message for this, which I think applies to everyday life--the idea that we sometimes make our own enemies. Good work, and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2014
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Hey, that was impressive, to tell such a compelling story with only single syllable words. I also liked the message for this, which I think applies to everyday life--the idea that we sometimes make our own enemies. Good work, and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2014
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Impressive, I'll take it. I appreciate you reading and reviewing.
Comment from w.j.debi
I got to end before and the read which contes this as for. Single syllable words--you put them together so well that I did not realize that is what you were using intl the end. Excellent storytelling. You had me wondering what type of legendary monster it was until the end. I was guessing werewolf so you had me fooled. Well done. Best of luck in th contest.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2014
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I got to end before and the read which contes this as for. Single syllable words--you put them together so well that I did not realize that is what you were using intl the end. Excellent storytelling. You had me wondering what type of legendary monster it was until the end. I was guessing werewolf so you had me fooled. Well done. Best of luck in th contest.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2014
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Thank you. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review this piece.
Comment from stroncoso1
A cool thriller. You write very well. I liked the descriptions of his surroundings. They were so well written, I could smell it. You developed the story well and inflicted, fright, anxiety, fear and relief. I especially appreciate the twist. Well done!
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2014
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A cool thriller. You write very well. I liked the descriptions of his surroundings. They were so well written, I could smell it. You developed the story well and inflicted, fright, anxiety, fear and relief. I especially appreciate the twist. Well done!
Comment Written 10-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2014
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Cool and thriller, sounds good to me. thanks for the excellent review.
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi,
Wow, what a brain teaser to write a whole story using one syllable works. That deserves a ribbon by itself, just by accomplishing it.
Your story is really good. Great read. Good luck in the contest.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*^*)
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2014
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Hi,
Wow, what a brain teaser to write a whole story using one syllable works. That deserves a ribbon by itself, just by accomplishing it.
Your story is really good. Great read. Good luck in the contest.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*^*)
Comment Written 10-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2014
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Jax. Thanks for taking the time to read and review. it is much apreciated.
Comment from Linda England Bonam
This was a good story you wrote and a good one for the contest entry. I am not sure when this contest ends, but good luck. I am sure you will place well.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2014
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This was a good story you wrote and a good one for the contest entry. I am not sure when this contest ends, but good luck. I am sure you will place well.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2014
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Linda. Thanks for the great review. Contest is still on. Thanks for taking the time on this one.
Comment from 1954speed
Thought-provoking piece. Well written in the first person. It showed a side to the beast and what truly created it that I had never considered before. It was fast paced and well organized. Good luck
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2014
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Thought-provoking piece. Well written in the first person. It showed a side to the beast and what truly created it that I had never considered before. It was fast paced and well organized. Good luck
Comment Written 10-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2014
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1954,
Thanks for the excellent review. I appreciate it.