Sex and Candy
Flash Fiction51 total reviews
Comment from pfwelder
Very well written. I was hooked from start to finish. I would have liked it if you had written more about how she managed to get him tied up but I assume you were at your limit of max 800 words. I guess it's best to leave a little mystery. You should do well in the contest. You definitely have my vote.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2014
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Very well written. I was hooked from start to finish. I would have liked it if you had written more about how she managed to get him tied up but I assume you were at your limit of max 800 words. I guess it's best to leave a little mystery. You should do well in the contest. You definitely have my vote.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2014
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I'm glad you lived. Thank you.
Comment from adewpearl
a dramatic, attention-grabbing intro
non-discrimantory life ruiner
discriminatory
you convey the narrator's thoughts well
good use of natural-sounding dialogue
a dramatic reveal as we realize what is going on and what these people are to each other
definitely a good entry in a revenge contest
Brooke
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2014
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a dramatic, attention-grabbing intro
non-discrimantory life ruiner
discriminatory
you convey the narrator's thoughts well
good use of natural-sounding dialogue
a dramatic reveal as we realize what is going on and what these people are to each other
definitely a good entry in a revenge contest
Brooke
Comment Written 04-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2014
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Brooke. Thanks tremendously for the great review.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is an excellent write, mystery writer, you did an excellent job writing this story about the woman who killed the one who took her virginity. I enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2014
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this is an excellent write, mystery writer, you did an excellent job writing this story about the woman who killed the one who took her virginity. I enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2014
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Excellent. Thank you for taking the time.
Comment from GeraldS
I like the plot. The story progresses nicely until the conclusion. The end seems a bit sketchy to me. It would benefit from being fleshed out a bit. Maybe the problem was the word limitation. Just my take on the piece. Nonetheless it's a good story, and I think a good entry for this contest.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2014
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I like the plot. The story progresses nicely until the conclusion. The end seems a bit sketchy to me. It would benefit from being fleshed out a bit. Maybe the problem was the word limitation. Just my take on the piece. Nonetheless it's a good story, and I think a good entry for this contest.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2014
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Gerald thanks. I may flesh it our more in the future.
Comment from mfowler
Very well told.
Deeply disturbing characters drawn hauntingly through revelation and action.
Excellent cadence in the disclosure of the motive and means.
Powerful language tinged with a good balance of expletive and emotional tension.
Perfect entry for this theme.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2014
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Very well told.
Deeply disturbing characters drawn hauntingly through revelation and action.
Excellent cadence in the disclosure of the motive and means.
Powerful language tinged with a good balance of expletive and emotional tension.
Perfect entry for this theme.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2014
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Deeply disturbing. Sounds good to me. Thank you.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Excellent! She got her revenge in just the right way. Do unto others what they did to you... a bit of a different slant, but it works well here. :)
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2014
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Excellent! She got her revenge in just the right way. Do unto others what they did to you... a bit of a different slant, but it works well here. :)
Comment Written 04-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2014
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Excellent. Thank you tremendously for taking the time on this and for the excellent review.
Comment from Michaelk
Excellent story! That was not at all where I thought that was going. Fantastic twist. She seemed like she was out to get laid. Even right up to the end that's what I was still thinking. You definitely did a great job of setting up the story and setting up your character for revenge.
Great work.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2014
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Excellent story! That was not at all where I thought that was going. Fantastic twist. She seemed like she was out to get laid. Even right up to the end that's what I was still thinking. You definitely did a great job of setting up the story and setting up your character for revenge.
Great work.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2014
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I'm glad you liked the twist. Thank you for the compliments and the review.
Comment from Narvik
Whoa, this really crept up on me. Awesome internal dialogue all the way through was effective in building up the tension. Almost made my skin crawl in the end.
One little thing. I think you need stronger punctuation after "story" here:
"...powerful story," I say, "Cammie,..."
Anyway, this should be a definite contender for the contest. I was drawn in through the entire story.
~ Jack
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2014
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Whoa, this really crept up on me. Awesome internal dialogue all the way through was effective in building up the tension. Almost made my skin crawl in the end.
One little thing. I think you need stronger punctuation after "story" here:
"...powerful story," I say, "Cammie,..."
Anyway, this should be a definite contender for the contest. I was drawn in through the entire story.
~ Jack
Comment Written 03-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2014
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Jack. Thank you. It is much appreciated.
Comment from Erik McGinley
When I read stories like this I wonder if it's sex or memory or just a hatred of men.
When I was about 22 there was a girl I was with. My memory, not very clear on it to be honest, hear's someone saying, "For god's sake, Erik, she's only fourteen."
If she was she didn't look it and didn't say it. I fucked her because I liked her. That's my raison d'etre. I won't sleep with someone unless there is an active liking and attraction in me.
Do women sometimes hate guys for liking them? The way my life has gone it's hard not to think that's true.
If I was a different person I would hate women. Stories like this sometimes make me wonder if I should.
That said, it's an excellent story. I hope I never engender that sort of hate in someone. At least, not without having reason to hate their guts first and having given them that back.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2014
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When I read stories like this I wonder if it's sex or memory or just a hatred of men.
When I was about 22 there was a girl I was with. My memory, not very clear on it to be honest, hear's someone saying, "For god's sake, Erik, she's only fourteen."
If she was she didn't look it and didn't say it. I fucked her because I liked her. That's my raison d'etre. I won't sleep with someone unless there is an active liking and attraction in me.
Do women sometimes hate guys for liking them? The way my life has gone it's hard not to think that's true.
If I was a different person I would hate women. Stories like this sometimes make me wonder if I should.
That said, it's an excellent story. I hope I never engender that sort of hate in someone. At least, not without having reason to hate their guts first and having given them that back.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2014
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Thank you Erik. It is much appreciated.
Comment from Dawn Munro
Wow - I didn't see that coming at all! Well-plotted, a strong narrative voice and great pacing - I'd say this meets the criteria of the contest and exceeds it. I didn't notice anything needing an edit, either, except possibly that first paragraph, and I'm not even sure I'm right. (Suggest you see what other reviewers say too.) I'm thinking it could be divided into two paragraphs, just for clarity's sae, since I was a bit confused when the speaker wasn't the narrator. ?? Great story though! Good luck.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2014
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Wow - I didn't see that coming at all! Well-plotted, a strong narrative voice and great pacing - I'd say this meets the criteria of the contest and exceeds it. I didn't notice anything needing an edit, either, except possibly that first paragraph, and I'm not even sure I'm right. (Suggest you see what other reviewers say too.) I'm thinking it could be divided into two paragraphs, just for clarity's sae, since I was a bit confused when the speaker wasn't the narrator. ?? Great story though! Good luck.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2014
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Thank you for the excellent review. It it's much appreciated.
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You're very welcome.
