Panic and Adrenaline
What do you do?36 total reviews
Comment from padumachitta
Hi. A very good entry for this contest. It is a full short, complete with just enough action to keep us reading...and it ends well...not an easy line to make new. padumachitta
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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Hi. A very good entry for this contest. It is a full short, complete with just enough action to keep us reading...and it ends well...not an easy line to make new. padumachitta
Comment Written 01-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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Thank you tons, it is much appreciated!
Comment from sibhus
Wow, great story, the action was really intense and o dramatic. This really gripped my attenion and I never saw that ending coming. Excellent entry for the contest and good luck.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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Wow, great story, the action was really intense and o dramatic. This really gripped my attenion and I never saw that ending coming. Excellent entry for the contest and good luck.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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Wow to you. thanks for the excellent review!
Comment from Jay Leeward
I wish I could read this story objectively, dispassionately. I would like to comment pithily on a misspelled word, extraneous comma. Calmly critique dialogue and exposition. I can't.
The story grips me. I admire the shifting POV. I am shocked at the glimpse into minds I don't fully comprehend, but see more clearly than I would like. I am disturbed and fascinated.
Excellent work. I have learned much in the reading.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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I wish I could read this story objectively, dispassionately. I would like to comment pithily on a misspelled word, extraneous comma. Calmly critique dialogue and exposition. I can't.
The story grips me. I admire the shifting POV. I am shocked at the glimpse into minds I don't fully comprehend, but see more clearly than I would like. I am disturbed and fascinated.
Excellent work. I have learned much in the reading.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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Jay,
Thank you for those kind words. They have made my day. It is much appreciated.
Comment from mikemagine
Helluva story! Lots of action and twists. Start to finish, I was thrilled and getting MORE thrilled. I think you planned this very well and fleshed it out excellently!
Keep writing!
Mike
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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Helluva story! Lots of action and twists. Start to finish, I was thrilled and getting MORE thrilled. I think you planned this very well and fleshed it out excellently!
Keep writing!
Mike
Comment Written 31-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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Mike. Thanks. I like to keep the twists going. thanks for the excellent review!
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Sure thing. And stay twisty:)
Comment from lynglyng
Great story line, I was so drawn into the story. I liked the way you were the gunman speaking and giving his thoughts . Very well written. Good use of the sentence is anyone here a doctor?
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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Great story line, I was so drawn into the story. I liked the way you were the gunman speaking and giving his thoughts . Very well written. Good use of the sentence is anyone here a doctor?
Comment Written 31-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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Thanks so much for the excellent review. It is much appreciated!
Comment from artisart4u
You story covered panic and adrenaline and how they both built up very well.
That was nice how you started out with "is anyone here a doctor?" ... and ending with the same words.
Good luck with your story.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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You story covered panic and adrenaline and how they both built up very well.
That was nice how you started out with "is anyone here a doctor?" ... and ending with the same words.
Good luck with your story.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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I'm thrilled you liked the story and caught the header and the footer. thanks for the exceptional review!
Comment from emrpoems
Excellent story plan and development.
Held the reader's attention from beginning to end
Good use of dialogue and narrative
Good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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Excellent story plan and development.
Held the reader's attention from beginning to end
Good use of dialogue and narrative
Good luck in the contest
Comment Written 31-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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Awesome. Thank you for the excellent review!
Comment from High Wire Girl
- I wouldn't capitalize bitch
- You can't predict everything, can you? (comma between everything and can)
- worst case scenario (not worse)
- a comma between 'Pick her up' and 'old man'
I love your writing, Derived. It's gutsy and messy (like life, sometimes) but you're attentive to the details That makes everything sharp and crisp.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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- I wouldn't capitalize bitch
- You can't predict everything, can you? (comma between everything and can)
- worst case scenario (not worse)
- a comma between 'Pick her up' and 'old man'
I love your writing, Derived. It's gutsy and messy (like life, sometimes) but you're attentive to the details That makes everything sharp and crisp.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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High Wire Girl,
Thanks tons for those catches. I thought I had edited this one pretty good but something usually slips by me. It's usually commas and capitalization, so thanks again for your help. I'm honored that you love my writing. Thank you for taking the time to read and review. As always, it is appreciated.
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Sometimes when you're looking at stuff too closely, you can't see much. Ain't that a trip?
Comment from Cian Mateo
This was a well written entry with strong imagery and dialogue that held my attention throughout.
The unexpected change of events makes for an interesting twist at the end. And a rather satisfying one; seeing how the gunman's partner would have had no problem leaving behind an innocent woman to bleed to death.
Well written.
Cian
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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This was a well written entry with strong imagery and dialogue that held my attention throughout.
The unexpected change of events makes for an interesting twist at the end. And a rather satisfying one; seeing how the gunman's partner would have had no problem leaving behind an innocent woman to bleed to death.
Well written.
Cian
Comment Written 31-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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I'm thrilled you enjoyed the change in perspective. Thank you for taking the time to read and review.
Comment from pafaust
When the second guy tells Eddie to relax, you changed the spelling of his name. Your "gait" is confident. This was an intriguing story and I found myself mesmerized, wondering what was going on. It took a lot of thought (on my part) to figure out why the story changed. Thanks for that challenge on a beautiful, sunny Sunday.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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When the second guy tells Eddie to relax, you changed the spelling of his name. Your "gait" is confident. This was an intriguing story and I found myself mesmerized, wondering what was going on. It took a lot of thought (on my part) to figure out why the story changed. Thanks for that challenge on a beautiful, sunny Sunday.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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Yep, thank you. I fixed that. I had originally called him Eddy, but thought that looked to weird so changed in the heading, but it escaped me in the story. Thank you for taking the time to read and review.
