My Brother's Keeper
A Contest Entry26 total reviews
Comment from pfwelder
The ending was a total surprise. I had to go back and read the whole story again. Oh now I get it!!! Maybe you could have put in a few more clues for dummies like me, but that would not be your style, which I love very much. You are the kind of writer we need to put some mystery back in the stories we read. Most definitely not boring.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
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The ending was a total surprise. I had to go back and read the whole story again. Oh now I get it!!! Maybe you could have put in a few more clues for dummies like me, but that would not be your style, which I love very much. You are the kind of writer we need to put some mystery back in the stories we read. Most definitely not boring.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
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You know I like to surprise. Thank you for taking the time to read this one.
Comment from GeorgieBoy
I loved the dialect and the voice of this piece. I was captured from the beginning to the very surprising end. Having worked in a federal prison for several years, I appreciated the authenticity of the language and mindset. I knew many people in my career that mirrored your character in this story. Well done
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2014
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I loved the dialect and the voice of this piece. I was captured from the beginning to the very surprising end. Having worked in a federal prison for several years, I appreciated the authenticity of the language and mindset. I knew many people in my career that mirrored your character in this story. Well done
Comment Written 27-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2014
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GeorgieBoy, thanks for the awesome review. I'm glad you found the piece authentic and and exceptional. That makes my day. I truely appreciate.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was brilliant. It had everything, a thriller, horror, romance, (a little) just everything for a good read, and what a brilliant twist in the end! Very well written, good luck in the contest. You have my vote. xsx Sandra
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2014
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That was brilliant. It had everything, a thriller, horror, romance, (a little) just everything for a good read, and what a brilliant twist in the end! Very well written, good luck in the contest. You have my vote. xsx Sandra
Comment Written 27-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2014
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Brilliant. Wow thank you very much.your kind words are much appreciated.
Comment from Cajungirl
Your story reeled me in from the very beginning. I was on the edge of me seat as I read about the murders. I was surprised to learn that Keith had multiple personalities. Great contest entry. Best of luck.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2014
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Your story reeled me in from the very beginning. I was on the edge of me seat as I read about the murders. I was surprised to learn that Keith had multiple personalities. Great contest entry. Best of luck.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2014
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CajunGirl, thanks again for taing the time to read and review my work> i'm glad that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Selina Stambi
A gory, gruesome, complex piece, with a most unexpected ending.
Best wishes for the contest!
Sonali
muddled up in my head(,) but some experiences
down to it, ain't it always(?) Jenny
That should (have) told me something then, but
The only girl he'(d) ever love, but all good
Just tell her you(')r(e) sorry tomorrow
Keith (sees) Becky walking out of a bedroom
He grabs Harlin's (s)houlder and
not let my brother (k)ill Jenny. Hell
much by the shit(-)eating grin on Eric's fat
cause every once (in) a while she'll
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2014
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A gory, gruesome, complex piece, with a most unexpected ending.
Best wishes for the contest!
Sonali
muddled up in my head(,) but some experiences
down to it, ain't it always(?) Jenny
That should (have) told me something then, but
The only girl he'(d) ever love, but all good
Just tell her you(')r(e) sorry tomorrow
Keith (sees) Becky walking out of a bedroom
He grabs Harlin's (s)houlder and
not let my brother (k)ill Jenny. Hell
much by the shit(-)eating grin on Eric's fat
cause every once (in) a while she'll
Comment Written 26-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2014
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Wow, Thanks for taking the time to edit and review. I did indeed go back and fix some of those, but otheres are there on purpose. They are just the way Bruce talks. And the one about the only girl is also there on purpose, the perspective has shifted at that point.
I really apreciate you putting a discerning eye on this though. Thank you.
Comment from mikemagine
EZ six! And yes, school is OUT! I have two meanings by that: the first is obvious, the 2nd is that this is so GOOD, it's WAY beyond writing that's taught, imo. I'm not saying that no one can learn and become damn GOOD, but this is rare, so very rare. To me, you've SHOWN innate ability to a huge degree.
WRITE ON! as they said in the 1970s.
Mike
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2014
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EZ six! And yes, school is OUT! I have two meanings by that: the first is obvious, the 2nd is that this is so GOOD, it's WAY beyond writing that's taught, imo. I'm not saying that no one can learn and become damn GOOD, but this is rare, so very rare. To me, you've SHOWN innate ability to a huge degree.
WRITE ON! as they said in the 1970s.
Mike
Comment Written 26-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2014
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Wow. Awesome. This is much and kindly appreciated. I really don't know what to say. Thank you.
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You got it!! And keep writing:)
Comment from Ric Myworld
Thanks for the pleasure of your well written and entertaining read. I kind of figured out that Keith and Bruce were the same person, but I just wasn't sure. Great job. :-)
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2014
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Thanks for the pleasure of your well written and entertaining read. I kind of figured out that Keith and Bruce were the same person, but I just wasn't sure. Great job. :-)
Comment Written 26-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2014
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Wow, I'm glad I could entertain you. thank you for reading and reviewing.
Comment from Muffins
Electrifying tension and surprise ending. This thriller stands strong and delivers a richly drawn character with a twisted, untamed mind.
The plot delivers slasher quick stunning moments leaving the reader exhausted but satisfied.
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2014
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Electrifying tension and surprise ending. This thriller stands strong and delivers a richly drawn character with a twisted, untamed mind.
The plot delivers slasher quick stunning moments leaving the reader exhausted but satisfied.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2014
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Awesome. Thank you so very much for your kind review. I appreciate you taking the time to check this one out. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from livelylinda
DerivedBetter: WOW! Now, here is quite a unique, creative story, a theme which doesn't usually come from a "School's Out" entry. It is definitely six star worthy but I'm out. A great read with a surprise ending and I believe a contender in this contest. livelylinda
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2014
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DerivedBetter: WOW! Now, here is quite a unique, creative story, a theme which doesn't usually come from a "School's Out" entry. It is definitely six star worthy but I'm out. A great read with a surprise ending and I believe a contender in this contest. livelylinda
Comment Written 26-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2014
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Linda, Thanks once again for the great review. Much appreciated.
Comment from dennis0530
This is writing about the follies, adventures and misadventures of youth.
There is a twisted surprise near the ending that puts the story in an exciting finish; brilliant.
Some lines for correction:
1. doubled "with" in the third line of the second part.
2. "...reigned him back in." - i think it should be REINED
3. "...probly my damned fault." - PROBABLY
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2014
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This is writing about the follies, adventures and misadventures of youth.
There is a twisted surprise near the ending that puts the story in an exciting finish; brilliant.
Some lines for correction:
1. doubled "with" in the third line of the second part.
2. "...reigned him back in." - i think it should be REINED
3. "...probly my damned fault." - PROBABLY
Comment Written 26-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2014
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Wow, thanks Dennis I appreciate the editing. I actually fixed them all even though the probly was on purpose. You aren't the first person to mention it so I figured it's probly just best to take out the ambiguity.
