Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "I leave this Note "A book of Poetry & Writing
104 total reviews
Comment from Pyrrho
The subject poem is a well crafted message of the idiocy of war. You decrease its effectiveness in two places by adding boring-throw-away words "do" and "did" in an effort to maintain metric flow. I suggest below haw to eliminate the deficiency.
the world do cry and pray ... in such a serious poem with a mood brilliantly created by the obvious repeat in the first two stanzas, the word "do" here is a mood-shattering. Also, it is not needed to fix the meter in the line which is just fine without it. If you feel the need for a word there, "All" works.
A letter did state both died this way Same problem with "did". Replace "did state" with "stated".
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2014
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The subject poem is a well crafted message of the idiocy of war. You decrease its effectiveness in two places by adding boring-throw-away words "do" and "did" in an effort to maintain metric flow. I suggest below haw to eliminate the deficiency.
the world do cry and pray ... in such a serious poem with a mood brilliantly created by the obvious repeat in the first two stanzas, the word "do" here is a mood-shattering. Also, it is not needed to fix the meter in the line which is just fine without it. If you feel the need for a word there, "All" works.
A letter did state both died this way Same problem with "did". Replace "did state" with "stated".
Comment Written 21-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2014
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Thanks
Comment from DALLAS01
this is a heart wrenching poem. The identical stanzas from opposite sides of the line is both creative and has an impact on the reader. The last stanza is as poignant as it is powerful.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2014
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this is a heart wrenching poem. The identical stanzas from opposite sides of the line is both creative and has an impact on the reader. The last stanza is as poignant as it is powerful.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2014
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thank you
Comment from nomi338
Beautifully written. Here is the problem I have with war. Each side prays to God for His protection and guidance. Not only is each side religious, each side may belong or subscribe to the very same religious belief system. So the problem that God now faces is which side does He bless. This is especially hard since his second greatest commandment is that we are to love each other as much as we love our very selves.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2014
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Beautifully written. Here is the problem I have with war. Each side prays to God for His protection and guidance. Not only is each side religious, each side may belong or subscribe to the very same religious belief system. So the problem that God now faces is which side does He bless. This is especially hard since his second greatest commandment is that we are to love each other as much as we love our very selves.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2014
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this is right
Gary
Comment from DR DIP
what a well written account of 3 perspectives in the life of a soldier on the frontline. You write in such a beautiful style to read your work is always a pleasure to read. just be careful you don't go broke buying member cent pumps getting your work to the feature page every time . you are out doing Adewpearl she will be getting quite jealous by now having mortgaged her house buying review dollars lol.
seriously, loving your posts keep'm coming and keep promoting.
a fan
dip
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2014
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what a well written account of 3 perspectives in the life of a soldier on the frontline. You write in such a beautiful style to read your work is always a pleasure to read. just be careful you don't go broke buying member cent pumps getting your work to the feature page every time . you are out doing Adewpearl she will be getting quite jealous by now having mortgaged her house buying review dollars lol.
seriously, loving your posts keep'm coming and keep promoting.
a fan
dip
Comment Written 20-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2014
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Thanks for the heads up DR just do my own thing and try to write some good some bad....looking back and forwards..see you there
Gary
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Such is war. The safe, comfy, wealthy, powerful old fogies send their young men to battle it out, to bleed and lose arms, legs, and minds. There would be NO WAR if the heads of state would fight each other instead. But they're chickens, sending children to slaughter for their own reasons. Sickening.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2014
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Such is war. The safe, comfy, wealthy, powerful old fogies send their young men to battle it out, to bleed and lose arms, legs, and minds. There would be NO WAR if the heads of state would fight each other instead. But they're chickens, sending children to slaughter for their own reasons. Sickening.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2014
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thank you for this
Comment from LateBloomer
Hello deepwater, Beautifully penned, exceptional writing.
Of special note:
This kid so young the same as me
is told to fight for king and country
His trench like mine is mud and sand
with all the dead lie all around
(We all bleed the same ... The scars of war lie deep and dark.)
Excellent writing. Keep the blue waters flowing. LateBloomer
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2014
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Hello deepwater, Beautifully penned, exceptional writing.
Of special note:
This kid so young the same as me
is told to fight for king and country
His trench like mine is mud and sand
with all the dead lie all around
(We all bleed the same ... The scars of war lie deep and dark.)
Excellent writing. Keep the blue waters flowing. LateBloomer
Comment Written 20-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2014
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thank you for this and the review
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
This is a beautiful sad poem about the horrors of WW1 and all wars before and following it including the senseless ones we are in today. I love the four parts being different points of on the same subject .Take care, my friend~Debbie
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2014
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This is a beautiful sad poem about the horrors of WW1 and all wars before and following it including the senseless ones we are in today. I love the four parts being different points of on the same subject .Take care, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 20-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2014
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thank you for this Debbie
Comment from Selina Stambi
Deepwater,
This was a very moving piece. It has the solemn grandeur of Flanders Fields and other poems of its ilk.
A black-and-white movie clip in free verse.
Just one observation: You only have commas in the last stanza - any particular reason?
Have a great week.
Sonali
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2014
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Deepwater,
This was a very moving piece. It has the solemn grandeur of Flanders Fields and other poems of its ilk.
A black-and-white movie clip in free verse.
Just one observation: You only have commas in the last stanza - any particular reason?
Have a great week.
Sonali
Comment Written 20-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2014
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thank you for this
Comment from thedreampeddler
So well written with my kind of message.
War is the worst use of energy ever created.
It serves only itself, and consumes all.
Awesome poem.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2014
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So well written with my kind of message.
War is the worst use of energy ever created.
It serves only itself, and consumes all.
Awesome poem.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2014
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thank you
Comment from Goodauthor
Those who rule seldom think about those who are going to be sent to fight their wars. If you put two rulers into a locked room, gave each a one-shot dueling pistol; told them they had fifteen minutes to negotiate a peace or one of them would surely die. Each man would find a way to appease the other.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2014
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Those who rule seldom think about those who are going to be sent to fight their wars. If you put two rulers into a locked room, gave each a one-shot dueling pistol; told them they had fifteen minutes to negotiate a peace or one of them would surely die. Each man would find a way to appease the other.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2014
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thank you for this and the review
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You're welcome.
