Short Form Poetry
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "haiku (colorless summer)"A Collection Of Short Form Poetry
33 total reviews
Comment from Smoothiecool
good luck in the contest
if the earth mirrors the moon we will definitely have colourless summers
cheers..Smothiecool
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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good luck in the contest
if the earth mirrors the moon we will definitely have colourless summers
cheers..Smothiecool
Comment Written 20-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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Thank you so much. Yes, indeed. Just looking for something different!! mikey
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welcome..SC
Comment from Quire's Gal
Haunting message very well done in this haiku. Great alliteration in "mirrored" and "moon". Effective satori coming at the beginning. All other rules followed.
Good luck in the contest and keep on writing haiku! You're good at it! :)
Drusilla1
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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Haunting message very well done in this haiku. Great alliteration in "mirrored" and "moon". Effective satori coming at the beginning. All other rules followed.
Good luck in the contest and keep on writing haiku! You're good at it! :)
Drusilla1
Comment Written 19-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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I'm so pleased to hear you say that. I shall. Thank you so much! mikey
Comment from tfawcus
This haiku haunts the reader with its message that we are on a road to self-destruction, which will turn the earth in time to a pale ghost of the lifeless moon.
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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This haiku haunts the reader with its message that we are on a road to self-destruction, which will turn the earth in time to a pale ghost of the lifeless moon.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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You have received my message exactly. Thank you very much. mikey
Comment from ravenblack
The planet will never become lifeless. Given enough time, nature can and does rebound from anything. It will just eventually do so without us. A good haiku, but I don't think the satori carries the sense that you were looking for. The moon as a mirror of earth or moon mirroring earth makes more sense. Mirrored moon does not communicate what you are saying in your author notes. What if the satori were "the moon mirroring earth", the earth transformed.
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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The planet will never become lifeless. Given enough time, nature can and does rebound from anything. It will just eventually do so without us. A good haiku, but I don't think the satori carries the sense that you were looking for. The moon as a mirror of earth or moon mirroring earth makes more sense. Mirrored moon does not communicate what you are saying in your author notes. What if the satori were "the moon mirroring earth", the earth transformed.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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Hmm That is better perhaps. I'll think about it. I think we might be capable of completely destroying it. Maybe not. Once we are out of the equation the healing begins!!
Comment from Jeanie Mercer
Michael, this is deeply philosophical and futuristic for a haiku, but I can see how possibly it could be conceived of as a present moment. The satori works well as the first line. Good luck to you, Jeanie Mercer
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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Michael, this is deeply philosophical and futuristic for a haiku, but I can see how possibly it could be conceived of as a present moment. The satori works well as the first line. Good luck to you, Jeanie Mercer
Comment Written 19-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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Thank you. I'm thinking of it as a kind of vision, I suppose. Appreciate the thoughtful input. mikey
Comment from Jean Lutz
For me this is a very timely write since we just experienced the Friday thirteenth honey moon when the moon appeared at it's largest stage. Best wishes with your entry.
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For me this is a very timely write since we just experienced the Friday thirteenth honey moon when the moon appeared at it's largest stage. Best wishes with your entry.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2014
Comment from Spitfire
A cheerless outlook, mikey, but you picked an excellent satori line first, then worked backwards. "nature's course foreshadowed" a nice pivot line. Never thought of the earth looking like the moon. How depressing!
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2014
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A cheerless outlook, mikey, but you picked an excellent satori line first, then worked backwards. "nature's course foreshadowed" a nice pivot line. Never thought of the earth looking like the moon. How depressing!
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2014
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It is depressing. Well, maybe it is sad enough to make someone do something about it! Appreciate the great review. Thank you kindly, mikey
Comment from judiverse
There is much that cannot be altered. It is for nature to chart the course. "Colorless summer" is a rather gloomy scenario. You have chosen lovely artwork that suggests the colorless summer. Nice sound with course and foreshadowed. The alliteration of mirrored moon is lovely. Best of luck in the contest. judi
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2014
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There is much that cannot be altered. It is for nature to chart the course. "Colorless summer" is a rather gloomy scenario. You have chosen lovely artwork that suggests the colorless summer. Nice sound with course and foreshadowed. The alliteration of mirrored moon is lovely. Best of luck in the contest. judi
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2014
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Yes, you make some very good points. I'm so pleased you found merit with my piece. It has taken quite a while to begin to understand these. Fortunately there are some terrific examples here! mikey
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You're so welcome, Michael. judi
Comment from L.M.Mullins
These short works always pull at your mind. I find each time I re-read them a different feeling escapes. Nice read.
Good luck
LM
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2014
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These short works always pull at your mind. I find each time I re-read them a different feeling escapes. Nice read.
Good luck
LM
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2014
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Glad you enjoyed this. These short pieces have grown on me too. I've come to appreciate them more as I've read some pretty thought provoking ones here. mikey
Comment from tbacha58
Wow, Mike, so strong words to describe an amazing picture of our future, maybe. Your words in that poem i felt just wrote itself down once you sat on your desk, no thoughts no preparation, it just flows out of a beautiful brain. Your writing leaves a lot of thinking to mankind on earth. Bravo, well done, good luck. Love Terry xoxo
I send you my stars from Montreal.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2014
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Wow, Mike, so strong words to describe an amazing picture of our future, maybe. Your words in that poem i felt just wrote itself down once you sat on your desk, no thoughts no preparation, it just flows out of a beautiful brain. Your writing leaves a lot of thinking to mankind on earth. Bravo, well done, good luck. Love Terry xoxo
I send you my stars from Montreal.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2014
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Hi. I am so pleased you liked this. I think I am starting to get these short forms better now. Hopefully, enough people will see what we poets write about the earth and do something about it!! Love you, mikey