Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 60 "Unaware"Assorted poetry
11 total reviews
Comment from l.raven
HI Bill, I have gotten out of my car a help a mommy and her babies get across a busy street...you have to be careful...LOL...ya just have to love them...very well written..luff Linda xoxo
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2014
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HI Bill, I have gotten out of my car a help a mommy and her babies get across a busy street...you have to be careful...LOL...ya just have to love them...very well written..luff Linda xoxo
Comment Written 19-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2014
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Thank you, Linda, for giving this a look. Bill
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you are always welcome Bill...luff
Comment from Patti R.
Oh dear!! I'm trying to connect this tanka to human nature - isn't that what tanka are supposed to depict? I could be wrong about that.
So here we have a tiny little creature only doing what it's supposed to do - waddle - and it has caused a series of unfortunate events!
Yep, sounds like life to me!
Patti
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2014
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Oh dear!! I'm trying to connect this tanka to human nature - isn't that what tanka are supposed to depict? I could be wrong about that.
So here we have a tiny little creature only doing what it's supposed to do - waddle - and it has caused a series of unfortunate events!
Yep, sounds like life to me!
Patti
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2014
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Thank you, Patti, for the excellent review. Bill
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Dear Bill - I can so relate to this post. Not with a duckling, but with a rabbit that darted out. My three kids screaming just about gave me a heart attack. LOL
It was decades ago now and they still remind me of that moment. The rabbit somehow survived going under my car....unscathed.
This is well penned, loved the emotion and hit of reality.
Thanks for sharing.
Maureen
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2014
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Dear Bill - I can so relate to this post. Not with a duckling, but with a rabbit that darted out. My three kids screaming just about gave me a heart attack. LOL
It was decades ago now and they still remind me of that moment. The rabbit somehow survived going under my car....unscathed.
This is well penned, loved the emotion and hit of reality.
Thanks for sharing.
Maureen
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2014
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Thank you, Maureen, for the sharing and the interesting review.
Comment from krys123
Bill, I had two other picture very much in the one you've chosen and it goes really well with your poem. I enjoyed reading this excellent piece of poetry is very descriptive and expressive and shows your creativeness and inventiveness.
One suggestion for your last line would be: Duckling waddles unaware. Instead of wanders you can use waddles. Thank you for sharing and posting and may you have a good one and all your endeavors.
Alex
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2014
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Bill, I had two other picture very much in the one you've chosen and it goes really well with your poem. I enjoyed reading this excellent piece of poetry is very descriptive and expressive and shows your creativeness and inventiveness.
One suggestion for your last line would be: Duckling waddles unaware. Instead of wanders you can use waddles. Thank you for sharing and posting and may you have a good one and all your endeavors.
Alex
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2014
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Thank you, Alex, for the excellent review.
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You are so sincerely welcome Bill
Comment from Raphael Montonaro
Great...great...great!! I really like this. It had a good moral lesson also. Good content and good form. See, these short poems work!
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2014
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Great...great...great!! I really like this. It had a good moral lesson also. Good content and good form. See, these short poems work!
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2014
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Thank you, Raphael, for the excellent review.
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Hi Bill. I simply had to laugh and shudder too, as we have all been faced with the waddling something or another crossing the road in front of our cars careening down the road at 60 mph! Great write because it created a full story and picture for your reader in just a few words. Hope all is well with you and yours xoxo Kiwi
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2014
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Hi Bill. I simply had to laugh and shudder too, as we have all been faced with the waddling something or another crossing the road in front of our cars careening down the road at 60 mph! Great write because it created a full story and picture for your reader in just a few words. Hope all is well with you and yours xoxo Kiwi
Comment Written 17-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2014
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Thank you, Kiwi, for the excellent review.
Comment from adewpearl
Great pairing of photo and poem, which is in excellent syllable count for the tanka
great humor as this little duck causes so much panic and bother whilst it just keeps waddling across the street, unaware of any chaos it has caused LOL
love the humor and alliteration in poops his pants :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2014
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Great pairing of photo and poem, which is in excellent syllable count for the tanka
great humor as this little duck causes so much panic and bother whilst it just keeps waddling across the street, unaware of any chaos it has caused LOL
love the humor and alliteration in poops his pants :-) Brooke
Comment Written 17-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2014
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Thank you, Brooke, for the excellent review.
Comment from Bina1
Such vivid imagery in your sweet little poem! How many parents have lived through this.......thanks for sharing. Great art work as well!
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2014
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Such vivid imagery in your sweet little poem! How many parents have lived through this.......thanks for sharing. Great art work as well!
Comment Written 17-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2014
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Thank you for the excellent review.
Comment from Dean Kuch
I'm not sure about the intricate structural aspects of a tanka, Bill. I'm still learning all of the technical aspects of poetry. However, I do know what I like-- what's reads smoothly and gets me laughing -- and this one did exactly that!
Funny stuff, my friend, but it wouldn't have been had the poor ducky met it's untimely demise on the business end of an all weather radial!
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2014
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I'm not sure about the intricate structural aspects of a tanka, Bill. I'm still learning all of the technical aspects of poetry. However, I do know what I like-- what's reads smoothly and gets me laughing -- and this one did exactly that!
Funny stuff, my friend, but it wouldn't have been had the poor ducky met it's untimely demise on the business end of an all weather radial!
Comment Written 17-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2014
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Thank you, Dean, for reviewing this. My first draft had him imbedded in the tread, but I figured I lighten up.
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Egad! Yeah, I think you chose wisely, Bill (LOL).
Comment from NurseBarb
That's one lucky duckling. Cute little poem and love the image too. Good thing kids were in the car or that duckling may not have survived. "Driver goes home immediately and changes drawers". I finished this for you. LOL
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reply by the author on 17-Jun-2014
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That's one lucky duckling. Cute little poem and love the image too. Good thing kids were in the car or that duckling may not have survived. "Driver goes home immediately and changes drawers". I finished this for you. LOL
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2014
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Thank you, Barb, for the excellent review.