Comment from rama devi

Excellent

This is sad and very expressive. So sorry about your grandfather's dementia. It's very painful, I know. Sending prayers for you and your family.

This makes a strong entry for the six word contest. It tells a story succinctly and I found it most effective how you opened with a two word line speaking of hope and then make a dramatic shift with the longer second line destroying the hope with confusion. Personification is subtly employed to great effect. Bravo.

Glad you still get some windows of connectedness. A blessing!

Love and Prayers,
rd

 Comment Written 23-May-2014

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reply by the author on 23-May-2014

Hi Rama, thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful review, I appreciate it :)
I went to visit Grandad on wednesday... He didn't know who I was, but he did mention 'Debra Joy with dark hair and blue eyes' as though he was telling me about a new baby (that happened to be me 39 years earlier!) he also said so clearly 'there's not much to do in here is there?!' For me this was a great visit because he doesn't often talk or even open his eyes any more :)
Thank you again for your lovely comments. Kindest regards as always, Debra :) x

reply by rama devi on 23-May-2014

It's sweet that he remembers you as a baby. I guess the older memories stick around longer--or so I've heard. Thanks for sharing and kindest regards! Love, rd

Comment from mfowler

Excellent

This is a good effort. Your image is perfect with the face supporting the emotional confusion sketched by your well selected six words. The use of 'flickers' is very pwoerful, as it suggests the mind in and out of reality. Then you hit home with another strong verb in 'snuffs' to image closure, almost death of a memory.

 Comment Written 22-May-2014

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reply by the author on 22-May-2014

Thank you for your great feedback. I appreciate it. Kindest regards as always ...:)

Comment from sweetwoodjax

Excellent

this is very well written, mystery writer, you did an excellent job writing this six word poem that contains acknowledgement beyong the limitations of the words. it was my last one to read before i go to vote and i'm voting for yours. good luck in the contest. i think you have this one won

 Comment Written 22-May-2014

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reply by the author on 22-May-2014

Hi sweetwoodjax :) thank you for your lovely feedback, good luck wishes and of course, your vote! I truly appreciate your encouragement. Kindest regards...:)

Comment from nelliesellie

Excellent

I love the picture. I love the poem. Dementia destroys the person you once knew. You know the body, but the person you loved is fading. It is a real act of love to continue to be around this person. You do it for the few times he can recognize you. You do it knowing that the person you love will show up few times. Great work.

 Comment Written 22-May-2014

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reply by the author on 22-May-2014

Thank you so much for your great feedback. I appreciate it. Kindest regards as always...:)

Comment from Smoothiecool

Excellent

good luck in the contest

your six words allows one to see and feel that one moment you are recognised then in the next second not
the flickering in and out of thought

cheers..Smoothiecool

 Comment Written 21-May-2014

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reply by the author on 22-May-2014

Thank you smoothiecool for your great feedback and good luck wishes. I appreciate both! Kindest regards as always...:)

reply by Smoothiecool on 22-May-2014

most welcome..SC

Comment from angel123

Excellent

I enjoyed reading your interesting well written poem. It flows well and tells a complete story. You followed the contest rules. Good luck in the contest.

angel123

 Comment Written 21-May-2014

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reply by the author on 21-May-2014

Thank you for your lovely feedback and good luck wishes. I appreciate both! Kindest regards...:)

Comment from Leineco

Excellent

very nice implicative poem.
The specter of Alzheimer's hoovers clearly in the background - making the poem have a subtle but powerful punch.

Nicely done - good luck in the voting :-)

 Comment Written 21-May-2014

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reply by the author on 21-May-2014

Thank you for your great feedback. I appreciate your good luck wishes also. Kindest regards...:)

Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin

Excellent

Hi,

Very cleverly thought out words. Great title, and the photo really adds to the poem.

Good luck in the contest.

Cheers,
Keep Smilin'... Jax

 Comment Written 21-May-2014

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reply by the author on 21-May-2014

Hi Jax, thank you for your lovely feedback and good luck wishes. I appreciate both. Kindest regards... :)

Comment from Bharanee

Excellent

excellent poem!

very realistic depiction through only six words.I love the imagery of flame wisely portrayed through the use of diction of the words 'flicker'and 'snuff out'.

well done!

 Comment Written 21-May-2014

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reply by the author on 21-May-2014

Thank you Bharanee for your lovely feedback. Kindest regards...:)

Comment from humpwhistle

Excellent

I've recognized that flicker of recognition, too.
As well as the confusion that evaporates it.
The use of 'snuffs here out' is good. It's strong
and reflects the pain of she who must endure it.

Best of luck.

Peace, Lee

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 21-May-2014

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reply by the author on 21-May-2014

Hi Lee :) Thank you for your lovely feedback and good luck wishes. I appreciate both! Kindest regards...:)