senryu (ungrateful heirs miss)
senyru 5/7/5 contest14 total reviews
Comment from rouskin
ungrateful heirs miss old cupboard full of silver butler turns his eyes Strong contender Best of luck in the contest
Blessings, Rouskin
reply by the author on 16-May-2014
  |
ungrateful heirs miss old cupboard full of silver butler turns his eyes Strong contender Best of luck in the contest
Blessings, Rouskin
Comment Written 16-May-2014
reply by the author on 16-May-2014
-
Thank you for the positive review.
Comment from mfowler
Now there's a good thought. Noone likes to sees the heirs picking over the bones of a dead realtive's belongings. Maybe, we'd like to imagine the loyal butler getting his hands on the silver. Yeah! Fun poem. Good senryu, good luck!
reply by the author on 16-May-2014
|
Now there's a good thought. Noone likes to sees the heirs picking over the bones of a dead realtive's belongings. Maybe, we'd like to imagine the loyal butler getting his hands on the silver. Yeah! Fun poem. Good senryu, good luck!
Comment Written 16-May-2014
reply by the author on 16-May-2014
-
Thank you for the wonderful review.
Comment from stanishmichelle
Good for the butler, serves the greedy heirs right for not seeing/overlooking the value of the family silver. Nice response to this contest. Good luck.
reply by the author on 15-May-2014
|
Good for the butler, serves the greedy heirs right for not seeing/overlooking the value of the family silver. Nice response to this contest. Good luck.
Comment Written 15-May-2014
reply by the author on 15-May-2014
-
Exactly, thank for the review and the comments.
Comment from LoannaLois
What a wonderfully presented senryu...illustration and all. The butler might just rise to the occasion...but which way will his conscience allow?
reply by the author on 15-May-2014
|
What a wonderfully presented senryu...illustration and all. The butler might just rise to the occasion...but which way will his conscience allow?
Comment Written 15-May-2014
reply by the author on 15-May-2014
-
Thank you for really "getting" this senyru. Truly does he or doesn't he????
Comment from A Matter Of Words
Treasures overlooked and undervalued because of greed for instant money. You did an excellent job of portraying the human emotion of greed. Well done.
reply by the author on 15-May-2014
|
Treasures overlooked and undervalued because of greed for instant money. You did an excellent job of portraying the human emotion of greed. Well done.
Comment Written 15-May-2014
reply by the author on 15-May-2014
-
Thank you for the review!
-
You are most welcome. I wish you the best.
Comment from Smoothiecool
good luck in the contest
your few words allow the reader to see and feel as the ungrateful heirs to an inheritance misses the cupboard of silver the butler does not inform them
flows well
cheers Smoothiecool
reply by the author on 15-May-2014
|
good luck in the contest
your few words allow the reader to see and feel as the ungrateful heirs to an inheritance misses the cupboard of silver the butler does not inform them
flows well
cheers Smoothiecool
Comment Written 15-May-2014
reply by the author on 15-May-2014
-
Thank you!
-
welcome..SC
Comment from Domino 2
I see what you mean, in that these money-grabbing parasites are so hasty to grab the obvious loot, they miss the beauty in the cupboard. Could be an excellent metaphor for memories erased from a greedy mind.
With respect, maybe last line something like:
'butler reaps reward' - to infer the butler gets his just 'reward' for faithful and unselfish service.
Best wishes, Ted
reply by the author on 15-May-2014
|
I see what you mean, in that these money-grabbing parasites are so hasty to grab the obvious loot, they miss the beauty in the cupboard. Could be an excellent metaphor for memories erased from a greedy mind.
With respect, maybe last line something like:
'butler reaps reward' - to infer the butler gets his just 'reward' for faithful and unselfish service.
Best wishes, Ted
Comment Written 15-May-2014
reply by the author on 15-May-2014
-
Thank you, Ted, but what makes you think the butler takes the silver??? LOL I wanted the reader to make their own decision, but it is a cute suggestion
-
as the saying goes in 'whodunnits' - 'the butler did it'. :-)
Comment from adewpearl
great pairing of photo and poem, which is in excellent 5/7/5 syllable count for the senryu
contest
good consonance of L sounds in all three lines
vivid descriptive detail and a great satori line :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 14-May-2014
|
great pairing of photo and poem, which is in excellent 5/7/5 syllable count for the senryu
contest
good consonance of L sounds in all three lines
vivid descriptive detail and a great satori line :-) Brooke
Comment Written 14-May-2014
reply by the author on 14-May-2014
-
Thank you!
Comment from Jay Squires
The butler doesn't always do it ... but by conveniently not seeing, he is allowing, perhaps, the balancing of the scales.
I'm probably way off on this one, but it is A meaning, if not the meaning.
reply by the author on 14-May-2014
|
The butler doesn't always do it ... but by conveniently not seeing, he is allowing, perhaps, the balancing of the scales.
I'm probably way off on this one, but it is A meaning, if not the meaning.
Comment Written 14-May-2014
reply by the author on 14-May-2014
-
Exactly, does he take it or is he just upset with the heirs???? This is the beauty of senyru. You must decide,
Comment from donette1914
ungrateful heirs miss old cupboard full of silver butler turns his eyes and maybe wants to steal them, i hope he doesn't well written and so creative
reply by the author on 14-May-2014
|
ungrateful heirs miss old cupboard full of silver butler turns his eyes and maybe wants to steal them, i hope he doesn't well written and so creative
Comment Written 14-May-2014
reply by the author on 14-May-2014
-
Thank you for the review - the question will remain unanswered.