Walk With Me.
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Tell No-one."From victim to survivor of abuse.
19 total reviews
Comment from dreamin'
It's always sad to read these accounts. Children deserve a happy childhood, but so many were, and still are robbed of that. Your story sounds like you're working hard to make up for that.
I applaud you for defying the "tell no one" rule, and for finding a voice to shout it to the world. It doesn't matter how long it took. What matters is you did it.
Knowing something of what you speak, I always say "whatever doesn't kill you, can only make you stronger. My father wasn't a master manipulator, but his alcoholism (thanks to the Army during WWII) turned him into a very mean emotional and physical abuser.
Words hold power, and as long as you write about, you beat him down a little more each time with every letter, every comma, and every period.
Thank you so much for having the courage to post this.
Debbie
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2014
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It's always sad to read these accounts. Children deserve a happy childhood, but so many were, and still are robbed of that. Your story sounds like you're working hard to make up for that.
I applaud you for defying the "tell no one" rule, and for finding a voice to shout it to the world. It doesn't matter how long it took. What matters is you did it.
Knowing something of what you speak, I always say "whatever doesn't kill you, can only make you stronger. My father wasn't a master manipulator, but his alcoholism (thanks to the Army during WWII) turned him into a very mean emotional and physical abuser.
Words hold power, and as long as you write about, you beat him down a little more each time with every letter, every comma, and every period.
Thank you so much for having the courage to post this.
Debbie
Comment Written 28-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2014
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Thank you for such a thoughtful and compassionate review.
I am finally talking and sharing as well as gaining strength and emotional freedom.
Each step down this path has a purpose and I thank you for sharing part of this process with me.
I am a survivor and I am taking back emotional freedom.
He will no longer define me.
Comment from Selina Stambi
Hi Shirley,
I grew up with an emotionally abusive, tryanical father, who had no respect for women. My mother still stays - after more than 50 years. She suffers from dementia now, and he thinks she's just depressed and being difficult.
Your life seems to have been one of extreme abuse and my heart breaks for the little girl and her mother. It is evident that faith in God carried you through - as it did my mum.
Has it helped to write this piece? That wounded child in one never leaves, does she?
Much love,
Sonali xxx
my mother instilled in me the gift of faith ,and the power of prayer .. my mum did that for me too. What greater gift to impart to a child ..?
manipulation and robbed (of) her motherly
decisions gave him free (rein) to dictate our l
brunt of physical abuse when younger(,) but not as teenagers
still lived at home left at age sixteen to join the army(,) and my younger brother
been asked why I didn't leave(,) but my abuser had a
and my sister and I (paid) the price as
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2014
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Hi Shirley,
I grew up with an emotionally abusive, tryanical father, who had no respect for women. My mother still stays - after more than 50 years. She suffers from dementia now, and he thinks she's just depressed and being difficult.
Your life seems to have been one of extreme abuse and my heart breaks for the little girl and her mother. It is evident that faith in God carried you through - as it did my mum.
Has it helped to write this piece? That wounded child in one never leaves, does she?
Much love,
Sonali xxx
my mother instilled in me the gift of faith ,and the power of prayer .. my mum did that for me too. What greater gift to impart to a child ..?
manipulation and robbed (of) her motherly
decisions gave him free (rein) to dictate our l
brunt of physical abuse when younger(,) but not as teenagers
still lived at home left at age sixteen to join the army(,) and my younger brother
been asked why I didn't leave(,) but my abuser had a
and my sister and I (paid) the price as
Comment Written 28-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2014
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Thank you so much Sonali.
I appreciate your co passionate, caring and thoughtful review.
Writing this piece has helped because in the process I have acknowledged,
Accepted and shared that I was an abused child and the effects still linger deep within my subconcious.
I realised I am a survivor and to be truly free I have to start at the start and work through to the end. My story in memories and emotions is my most powerful tool.
Now I have the power to make a positive difference.
Your support is much appreciated.
Comment from Sam Mendonca
This really touched my heart with the courage it took to write about your childhood.
I'm just sorry you had to experience such an experience.
Ten stars for being brave enough to write about it.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2014
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This really touched my heart with the courage it took to write about your childhood.
I'm just sorry you had to experience such an experience.
Ten stars for being brave enough to write about it.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2014
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Thank you so much for your compassion and understanding.
Your generous review and kind comments are much appreciated.
I survived in spite of the abuse and have carried it deep within me for so long.
Now ...I want to live not just exist.
Thank you for sharing my early steps.
Comment from JavaJunkie
I want you to know that this is not a sympathy vote, but rather I think that this is expertly written. I did not see any glaring grammatical errors or typos. You are very brave to share your story.
This line is so poignant: He removed the CHILD from my childhood
You are a fantastic writer.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2014
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I want you to know that this is not a sympathy vote, but rather I think that this is expertly written. I did not see any glaring grammatical errors or typos. You are very brave to share your story.
This line is so poignant: He removed the CHILD from my childhood
You are a fantastic writer.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2014
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Thank you so much.
I truly appreciate your exceptional six star review and encouraging
comments.
My reason for writing this was to finally actively take positive steps to
release His imprint from the heart of me.
If my actions inspire others to confide, share, or seek help to also take this
step then my story has achieved a twofold purpose.
I have previously posted a snapshot of my life as an abused child in a story titled-Not so smart now, are you? It is in my portfolio if you are interested.
Comment from Cajungirl
What a very sad story. Emotional scars must cut deeper than any knife for they reach down to the soul. I admire your strength and courage in the ability to share your heart-wrenching story. For some, like you, help is no where to be found. God help those who turn away, refusing the see a child that needs help.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2014
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What a very sad story. Emotional scars must cut deeper than any knife for they reach down to the soul. I admire your strength and courage in the ability to share your heart-wrenching story. For some, like you, help is no where to be found. God help those who turn away, refusing the see a child that needs help.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2014
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Thank you so much for a generous review.
I appreciate your time and comments.
A snapshot of my story is availabe in my portfolio titled-Not So Smart Now, Are You?
Comment from Terrie DeGolier
Emotional abuse is sometimes more destructive than physical. Like they say words cut deeper than any knife. I'm so sorry you had to go through this ordeal. Writing and sharing is a great help, at least it has helped me in many ways. God Bless you and thank you for sharing, and I know what you mean, certain things will take me back in time and I don't know how to move forward. But know you can say I told... Terrie
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2014
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Emotional abuse is sometimes more destructive than physical. Like they say words cut deeper than any knife. I'm so sorry you had to go through this ordeal. Writing and sharing is a great help, at least it has helped me in many ways. God Bless you and thank you for sharing, and I know what you mean, certain things will take me back in time and I don't know how to move forward. But know you can say I told... Terrie
Comment Written 26-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2014
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Thank you so much for an understanding and thoughtful review.
I am sorry to hear that you have suffered too. God be with you.
I truly appreciate your time.
A snapshot of my story is available in my portfolio titled - Not So Smart Now, Are You? If you are interested.
Comment from Spiritual Echo
There are a fair number of people on this site who experienced childhood abuse who have a lifetime of scar tissue that still bleeds. Mine was sexual and physical and I was spared the more serious side of emotional abuse that you catalogue. My father simply didn't think that anything inside our home could come back to haunt him, and in many ways he was right. It was 50 years ago and there was no one to go to and no one to help.
Ironically, I blamed my mother the most, turning away and not saving me/us
Another who wrote a book about her childhood abuse is Smurphgirl, but there are many, many others.
I recently heard statistics about the number of girls--especially, but not exclusively--who had suffered abuse and the numbers were staggering. 25% for sexual and almost 50% for emotional and physical. Sure, that's Canada. Do you suppose the numbers are different where you live?
Being part of a statistic doesn't help or comfort. Writing it out can have a huge benefit. The more you talk about it, the less shame you carry. Yes, shame. Somehow, we, the sexually abused are no different than other forms. We believe that we had some measure of responsibility. If only we did..said..etc. etc. etc. But that really is BS. We were children
What writing about this will do is I slowly desensitize you, allow you to talk freely about the horrible circumstances that happened to you, but it won't erase the results, the coping methods, fears, anxiety or defence systems. But being able to separate yourself, the person you are today from the child who you once were, allows you to take a clinical look at the residual pain and perhaps deal with that.
You really can't change history, but don't let people tell you it was a brave write. Would you have trouble talking about a broken leg that you endured when you were a kid? No, and when you can talk about those times without the tears and the bile rising, you'll know you're getting stronger--at last.
Living with the long term affects is sometimes harder than the original abuse. Good luck in the journey.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2014
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There are a fair number of people on this site who experienced childhood abuse who have a lifetime of scar tissue that still bleeds. Mine was sexual and physical and I was spared the more serious side of emotional abuse that you catalogue. My father simply didn't think that anything inside our home could come back to haunt him, and in many ways he was right. It was 50 years ago and there was no one to go to and no one to help.
Ironically, I blamed my mother the most, turning away and not saving me/us
Another who wrote a book about her childhood abuse is Smurphgirl, but there are many, many others.
I recently heard statistics about the number of girls--especially, but not exclusively--who had suffered abuse and the numbers were staggering. 25% for sexual and almost 50% for emotional and physical. Sure, that's Canada. Do you suppose the numbers are different where you live?
Being part of a statistic doesn't help or comfort. Writing it out can have a huge benefit. The more you talk about it, the less shame you carry. Yes, shame. Somehow, we, the sexually abused are no different than other forms. We believe that we had some measure of responsibility. If only we did..said..etc. etc. etc. But that really is BS. We were children
What writing about this will do is I slowly desensitize you, allow you to talk freely about the horrible circumstances that happened to you, but it won't erase the results, the coping methods, fears, anxiety or defence systems. But being able to separate yourself, the person you are today from the child who you once were, allows you to take a clinical look at the residual pain and perhaps deal with that.
You really can't change history, but don't let people tell you it was a brave write. Would you have trouble talking about a broken leg that you endured when you were a kid? No, and when you can talk about those times without the tears and the bile rising, you'll know you're getting stronger--at last.
Living with the long term affects is sometimes harder than the original abuse. Good luck in the journey.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2014
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Thank you so much for your understanding and empathy.
I have hidden those memories deep in my innermost sub-conscious
and shared primarily with my older sister who suffered similarly to me. It was only when I began writing on this site and expressing these emotions that I fully acknowledged and realised I was an abused child. Now I am acknowledging, confronting and finally on the path to closure. He WILL NOT define me and I need my children to know that the effects of abuse can last a lifetime-if you let it. I will not.
I AM a survivor and now is my time.
I truly appreciate your support along my way.
:-) Shirley.
Comment from Sankey
This is a very sad story but my heart goes out to you dear friend, and I am pleased you have found the strength to share your story. Please understand, I can tell you were very emotional as you wrote this so I point out the errors with God's love in my heart for your suffering. I am glad you found comfort and solace in the loving arms of our Saviour. And now the errors hope you don't mind if I share these. Coming through again look like I missed the first chapter or Prologue last time through fixed that now.
and I am no(t) longer afraid
Now, all this(these) years later
decisions gave him free reign to dictate (line drop)
O(o)ur life experiences as he willed.
My two older brother(s) who still lived at home
and my sister and I(,) payed(paid) the price as well.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2014
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This is a very sad story but my heart goes out to you dear friend, and I am pleased you have found the strength to share your story. Please understand, I can tell you were very emotional as you wrote this so I point out the errors with God's love in my heart for your suffering. I am glad you found comfort and solace in the loving arms of our Saviour. And now the errors hope you don't mind if I share these. Coming through again look like I missed the first chapter or Prologue last time through fixed that now.
and I am no(t) longer afraid
Now, all this(these) years later
decisions gave him free reign to dictate (line drop)
O(o)ur life experiences as he willed.
My two older brother(s) who still lived at home
and my sister and I(,) payed(paid) the price as well.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2014
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Thank you for reviewing -I appreciate it .
The errors are mostly due to the creativity of the auto correct on the tablet I
am trying to master. Uunfortunately it creates errors and then auto corrects the corrections I make. I can't turn it off.
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Interesting and I am deciding whether to get one of those or not!! Hmmm! God Bless.
Comment from adewpearl
All this years later I finally feel - these years
World War II, receiving a commendation - add comma
my mum who he pretended to love - my mum, whom
What an adorable child you were - your essay is extremely insightful. I thank you for sharing your painful past for the benefit of others. Brooke
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2014
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All this years later I finally feel - these years
World War II, receiving a commendation - add comma
my mum who he pretended to love - my mum, whom
What an adorable child you were - your essay is extremely insightful. I thank you for sharing your painful past for the benefit of others. Brooke
Comment Written 25-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2014
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Thank you Brooke.
Your generous and thoughtful review is appreciated.
The credit for the mistakes is mainly due to the creativity of the auto correct on the tablet I am trying to master. So far the tablet is winning as it auto corrects my corrections.Lol. Thanks for pointing them out.
If you are interested, and have time, my previous post titled "Not So Smart Now,
Are You? Can be found in my portfolio. It is a snapshot of my story.
:-) Shirley
Comment from l.raven
Shirley, this is so sad...tears...I am so sorry you had to do through what you did...there is no reason anyone should abuse anyone...mental or physical...it's wrong...your story is very well written and very well told...and I love the picture of you...luff Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2014
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Shirley, this is so sad...tears...I am so sorry you had to do through what you did...there is no reason anyone should abuse anyone...mental or physical...it's wrong...your story is very well written and very well told...and I love the picture of you...luff Linda xxoo
Comment Written 25-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2014
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Thank you Linda.
Your thoughtful and compassionate review is appreciated.
You can find part of my story in my post titled-Not So Smart Now, Are You?
In my portfolio if you are interested.
:-) Shirley.
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I am and I will check it out...you are so welcome...luff