The Little Dog That Wouldn't Let Go
Viewing comments for Chapter 32 "Bliss! Our Wonderful Wedding Day!"Subtitle: God Never Lets Go!
31 total reviews
Comment from healfromwithin
This was one fact after another. It felt like a chapter of complaining and misery at your jobs. There were no charming or funny parts, so it was a dull read. Because the linguistics are so different from the USA's, some parts were lost in translation.
That being said, I have some edits for you to consider:
until that moment(;remove) (end of 1984),
It was at this time of my life, when I least expected, great changes, and some new beginnings were to enter my life, so that some of the things I had hoped might be a reality for me, some day; begun to unfold. (run-on sentence; divide-up)
even on "*hd's" even (two)(remove 2) levels up. After (still didn't know what this means - make it clear without making the reader go to notes.
Audit area, I (remove unnecessary "myself") was upgraded
trouble maker(;) (t)he other one taught
wife! For this reason(,) I had to
into the City ((s)igh!) The couple
time at the hospital were(:) (use a colon when making a number list) AND double space to leave two lines open afterward.
"Grace Building(,)" formerly the first big department
matter(;)(then, in)(remove . THEN! I )n the Winter, Brrr
a psychiatrist, as I have also mentioned(list chapter or page number)
Incomplete sentence; edit: (remove Brevity here seeing) add(seeking brevity here, )I talked about all this in Chapter 2.
of clients I came across (remove (,) there. Might
Incomplete sentence: there. Might talk about this later.
2. There's (a) guy calls himself 'Hitler'
YOU SAY(,) "HEY WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT?"
BEEN THERE(,) I OUGHT TO KNOW (why are you shouting and using all caps? Put the song all in the same font and formatting.)
Just like a little (twit) - no need to put twit in parenthesis
nong? never heard of it, do not understand meaning
Note: generally speaking, if you have to re-direct your reader too many times to the author's notes, the writing isn't strong enough, and you'll loose the reader.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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This was one fact after another. It felt like a chapter of complaining and misery at your jobs. There were no charming or funny parts, so it was a dull read. Because the linguistics are so different from the USA's, some parts were lost in translation.
That being said, I have some edits for you to consider:
until that moment(;remove) (end of 1984),
It was at this time of my life, when I least expected, great changes, and some new beginnings were to enter my life, so that some of the things I had hoped might be a reality for me, some day; begun to unfold. (run-on sentence; divide-up)
even on "*hd's" even (two)(remove 2) levels up. After (still didn't know what this means - make it clear without making the reader go to notes.
Audit area, I (remove unnecessary "myself") was upgraded
trouble maker(;) (t)he other one taught
wife! For this reason(,) I had to
into the City ((s)igh!) The couple
time at the hospital were(:) (use a colon when making a number list) AND double space to leave two lines open afterward.
"Grace Building(,)" formerly the first big department
matter(;)(then, in)(remove . THEN! I )n the Winter, Brrr
a psychiatrist, as I have also mentioned(list chapter or page number)
Incomplete sentence; edit: (remove Brevity here seeing) add(seeking brevity here, )I talked about all this in Chapter 2.
of clients I came across (remove (,) there. Might
Incomplete sentence: there. Might talk about this later.
2. There's (a) guy calls himself 'Hitler'
YOU SAY(,) "HEY WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT?"
BEEN THERE(,) I OUGHT TO KNOW (why are you shouting and using all caps? Put the song all in the same font and formatting.)
Just like a little (twit) - no need to put twit in parenthesis
nong? never heard of it, do not understand meaning
Note: generally speaking, if you have to re-direct your reader too many times to the author's notes, the writing isn't strong enough, and you'll loose the reader.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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Thanks I was surprised this got through I had not been finished editing. maybe I put it up by mistake sorry thanks for the advice. See where we go with it.
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I hope you will come back as another chapter has been changed and will be up soon I am sorry I put this up for review by mistake and I am aware of editing needed. Thanks.
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Hi again, honestly I was a bit put out with all the errors you picked up but I was glad in the end you pointed all these out to me. It seems in our different experiences and understanding some reviewersa pick up a lot more than others do. But that said I am most graterful you took the time to go through in such detail as you did. I have now gone through and applied most of the changes you suggested, I hope you will come back and look again and I suggest starting at the beginning of my book would probably clear some things and explain some of my strange ways. Much appreciated and good to have a new reviewer. God Bless.
