A Copper Coin
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Cats always land on their feet"The beginnings of the Thief Hunter.
2 total reviews
Comment from Selina Stambi
Hi Silence,
This was an interesting read - full of action and intrigue.
Good luck with the rest of the novel!
Sonali :)
agenda?" (s)he asked pensively
me(,)" Skye answered and
wear a mask, as is (the)custom for all gang members
She let out a slightly triumphant (sound) as she pulled
It may be old(,) but you can use this for meetings if
necessary
Is there anything else that you need(,) Alley Cat
the night?" (t)he Butterfly asked
door chattered closed behind the .. chattered refers to speech - how about .. banged shut .. ?
The Jackal spoke first(,) in low and husky tones
landed on her for a moment(,) and Skye could almost feel
think that we want the Dragna gone...Alley Cat(?)"
strap like it was a (lifeline) as her old boots
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2014
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Hi Silence,
This was an interesting read - full of action and intrigue.
Good luck with the rest of the novel!
Sonali :)
agenda?" (s)he asked pensively
me(,)" Skye answered and
wear a mask, as is (the)custom for all gang members
She let out a slightly triumphant (sound) as she pulled
It may be old(,) but you can use this for meetings if
necessary
Is there anything else that you need(,) Alley Cat
the night?" (t)he Butterfly asked
door chattered closed behind the .. chattered refers to speech - how about .. banged shut .. ?
The Jackal spoke first(,) in low and husky tones
landed on her for a moment(,) and Skye could almost feel
think that we want the Dragna gone...Alley Cat(?)"
strap like it was a (lifeline) as her old boots
Comment Written 09-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2014
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Thank you very much, though I'm a little confused as to why you put brackets around things that didn't need to have them? Were you trying to point something out? Also, sorry that I hadn't replied until now.
- S
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Yes, the brackets are where corrections are required - spelling/punctuation/grammar, etc. :)
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I made some changes, however I would like to keep the door chattering as it squeaks and groans when it's opened and closed...if it just banged shut you would lose the sense that the house is older than the interior decorations. I made the corrections where they were necessary but I had already had all the letters capitalised that you put in brackets. the line where Rheys mentions the mask and how it is custom for Skye to wear it at meetings, Rheys is just barely middle class because she comes from a merchant family and therefore her speech will not be perfect. In Chapter 1 Skye has to deliver a message to her and Rheys lives just outside of the poorer part of the city. Sorry if I hadn't explained that as well as I should have in Chapter 1. I should probably go back and explain it more, though their knowledge of each other before this point was incredibly limited so I couldn't do much then.
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Oh, I forgot to say thank you for critiquing my work again so, thank you! :)
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My pleasure! :)
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Use the author notes for explanations of word choices, historical references, etc.
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I'll do that in the future and many thanks.
Comment from rwilliam
The lanterns snapped softly at each other as the Ragtag Queen stared at her subject and his guest.-- I like this description.
The men looked each other in the eye for a good few seconds before the Jackal let out a slight huff and sat down.- The word 'good' throws me off in this sentence. Maybe take a look at it. Just a thought. :-)
Very interesting story! Good job.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2014
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The lanterns snapped softly at each other as the Ragtag Queen stared at her subject and his guest.-- I like this description.
The men looked each other in the eye for a good few seconds before the Jackal let out a slight huff and sat down.- The word 'good' throws me off in this sentence. Maybe take a look at it. Just a thought. :-)
Very interesting story! Good job.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2014
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Thank you very much and I made the change that you suggested, it should read better now?