Aiona's Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "They Said"Because my portfolio is too messy and I have OCD.
10 total reviews
Comment from Chuck23
Haha, I haven't been scolded on passive verbs yet. I'm a firm believer in too many adverbs though. I enjoyed your poem! Thought it was perfect for this contest!
Good Luck!
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Haha, I haven't been scolded on passive verbs yet. I'm a firm believer in too many adverbs though. I enjoyed your poem! Thought it was perfect for this contest!
Good Luck!
Comment Written 18-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Thanks, Chuck! :)
Comment from harmony13
Excellent Contest Entry! The poem is descriptive, creative and strong. The artwork and color scheme is perfect and compliments this poem.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Excellent Contest Entry! The poem is descriptive, creative and strong. The artwork and color scheme is perfect and compliments this poem.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Thank you. :) I appreciate it!
Comment from ElegantButler
Very well written. A lot of fun to read. So often is all of what you said the bane of the writer. But it is often a necessity. If every author wrote in a just-so style, oh how boring the world of fiction would become. :)
I am also a part of a Saturday writing group.
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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Very well written. A lot of fun to read. So often is all of what you said the bane of the writer. But it is often a necessity. If every author wrote in a just-so style, oh how boring the world of fiction would become. :)
I am also a part of a Saturday writing group.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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Thank you. Yeah, there is a point at which one starts going, "Waitaminnit!" But, for the most part, they are usually correct. I do use adverbs overly much. How did you find *your* Saturday group?
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On the library's website. My sister sent me to the site to look up a different event and I saw it on their calendar.
Comment from Tomes Johnston
This is an interesting poem that you have created here. I have entered a poetry contest myself with no luck and I wish you all the best of luck with this one.
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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This is an interesting poem that you have created here. I have entered a poetry contest myself with no luck and I wish you all the best of luck with this one.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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Thanks. :)
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My pleasure
Comment from Misrael
Well I do believe you were listening but it just went in one ear and out the other. But I have had that happen to mw as well. Keep up the good work and keep on writing.
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2014
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Well I do believe you were listening but it just went in one ear and out the other. But I have had that happen to mw as well. Keep up the good work and keep on writing.
Comment Written 01-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2014
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Heh! Thank you!
Comment from HL Pepper
Oh my goodness, this is so cute!
And you and I are back to the adverb thing, aren't we??!!!
I struggle to think your any of your words are "oh, so bad" because from what I have read they all work together and become "oh, so good"
Nice job! I'm sure your writing group is proud that you listened!! lol
Pepper
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2014
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Oh my goodness, this is so cute!
And you and I are back to the adverb thing, aren't we??!!!
I struggle to think your any of your words are "oh, so bad" because from what I have read they all work together and become "oh, so good"
Nice job! I'm sure your writing group is proud that you listened!! lol
Pepper
Comment Written 01-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2014
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LOL! Thanks. We meet today at 9:30. I have an hour to get ready.
Comment from TOMORAL
I have so much trouble with "was" and "were" When to use it, when to not? Hate that passive thing. But I just keep writing. This is great poetry and with a sound message.
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2014
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I have so much trouble with "was" and "were" When to use it, when to not? Hate that passive thing. But I just keep writing. This is great poetry and with a sound message.
Comment Written 01-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2014
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Thanks, TOMORAL. Yeah... I'm trying to remove them.
Comment from Marillion
What type of advice was this, Aiona?
Anyway, I like the pithy nature of this, delivered with a wink and a smile. My only thought would be to change the last line of the second stanza to "I've got to stop with all of those" for metrical sake.
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2014
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What type of advice was this, Aiona?
Anyway, I like the pithy nature of this, delivered with a wink and a smile. My only thought would be to change the last line of the second stanza to "I've got to stop with all of those" for metrical sake.
Comment Written 01-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2014
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Good point. With your permission? may I use that?
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Of course, my friend!
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Dear Aiona - this is creative and fun post to read. I was smiling all the way through it. A great submission for this contest and good luck.
Thanks for sharing it.
Maureen
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2014
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Dear Aiona - this is creative and fun post to read. I was smiling all the way through it. A great submission for this contest and good luck.
Thanks for sharing it.
Maureen
Comment Written 01-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2014
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Thank you, Maureen.
Comment from ProjectBluebook
I'm listening to Duran-Duran right now. Song sings, 'shout shout! let it all out! these are the things we can do without, come on, I'm talking to you.' What timing. I been keelhauled, and a grapevine shot run across me bow for using ing too much and repeating words too often. And for using phrases over used, like sounds like thunder and what not? Hark, i hear the SPAG police at me front door? I'm innocent of all charges, me quill did it! a fletching from a game gobbler I took. Does anyone have a sense of humor? Don't take me slang and whip me sense less with Cat O'nine tails. However, this is not bilge-sucking like mine. Later Lassie' I got to flee into darkness with quill in me teeth.
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2014
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I'm listening to Duran-Duran right now. Song sings, 'shout shout! let it all out! these are the things we can do without, come on, I'm talking to you.' What timing. I been keelhauled, and a grapevine shot run across me bow for using ing too much and repeating words too often. And for using phrases over used, like sounds like thunder and what not? Hark, i hear the SPAG police at me front door? I'm innocent of all charges, me quill did it! a fletching from a game gobbler I took. Does anyone have a sense of humor? Don't take me slang and whip me sense less with Cat O'nine tails. However, this is not bilge-sucking like mine. Later Lassie' I got to flee into darkness with quill in me teeth.
Comment Written 01-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2014
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Are you sure it's Duran Duran? Not Tears for Fears? :) Totally appropo. "You shouldn't have to sell your soul!"
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My bad! you got me in checkmate, you know your music well.
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Ah, heck. I just Googled. I thought it might be Duran Duran too.
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Forgiven matey, ships ahoy!
