Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 55 "Sunka Moon, Part 1"Murder Mystery
56 total reviews
Comment from Liandra
I was drawn into the story straight away. Your description is brilliant. I felt emotional when Wasu managed a weak lick of his hand. Just before my Beardie passed, he licked my hand, so the image you created was real for me. I wait for part 2 now.
Liandra :)
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2014
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I was drawn into the story straight away. Your description is brilliant. I felt emotional when Wasu managed a weak lick of his hand. Just before my Beardie passed, he licked my hand, so the image you created was real for me. I wait for part 2 now.
Liandra :)
Comment Written 25-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2014
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I had the hardest time writing that death scene for Wasu. I've really grown to love his character, though he hasn't played a huge part. Thanks so much for the very generous and gracious review, Liandra. I appreciate the support very much.
:0) Bev
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You're welcome, Bev.
Liandra :)
Comment from amahra
Haven't read every chapter, but this one did it for me. Great writing, my friend.
Sweet Christ, will you look at that? [very realistic dialogue, here]
Ty reached for the gun at his hip. Staring back at him was a creature whose face was split down the middle by red and white paint. To the extent it had a muzzle and wicked sharp teeth, it resembled a wolf. But its lips were pulled back into a cannibal grin, and the way its eyes bore into his was as unnatural as anything he'd ever seen.[Wow, this is an amazing description of this animal.]
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2014
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Haven't read every chapter, but this one did it for me. Great writing, my friend.
Sweet Christ, will you look at that? [very realistic dialogue, here]
Ty reached for the gun at his hip. Staring back at him was a creature whose face was split down the middle by red and white paint. To the extent it had a muzzle and wicked sharp teeth, it resembled a wolf. But its lips were pulled back into a cannibal grin, and the way its eyes bore into his was as unnatural as anything he'd ever seen.[Wow, this is an amazing description of this animal.]
Comment Written 25-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2014
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Thank you so very much, Amahra. I really appreciate this very generous and supportive review. It's always so great to know what parts the reader likes, and you've very graciously provided that for me.
:0) Bev
Comment from mumsyone
A well-written chapter, Bev, but that doesn't surprise me. You don't waste words or space, and that's what makes you an exceptional writer.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2014
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A well-written chapter, Bev, but that doesn't surprise me. You don't waste words or space, and that's what makes you an exceptional writer.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2014
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Lois, how very kind of you. Thank you for your encouragement and support! Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Antoine Charlemaine
This gripped me from beginning to end. I was so enthralled, I was disappointed when the chapter ended. Your descriptive process leaves nothing to the imagination. I loved the bridge episode. Clearly the devil-dog has a role to play yet. Very well done.
Just a couple of things:
(wolf) I don't think you really need to put the meaning of the Sioux word into parentheses. This detracts from the intensity of the story. Put it as an Author Note if you have to. It is probably not even necessary.
'our' For much the same reasons you can omit the inverted commas. It affects the readability of the sentence just enough to be distracting.
Thanks for another great read. Antoine.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2014
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This gripped me from beginning to end. I was so enthralled, I was disappointed when the chapter ended. Your descriptive process leaves nothing to the imagination. I loved the bridge episode. Clearly the devil-dog has a role to play yet. Very well done.
Just a couple of things:
(wolf) I don't think you really need to put the meaning of the Sioux word into parentheses. This detracts from the intensity of the story. Put it as an Author Note if you have to. It is probably not even necessary.
'our' For much the same reasons you can omit the inverted commas. It affects the readability of the sentence just enough to be distracting.
Thanks for another great read. Antoine.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2014
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Hi, Antoine. Thank you so much for this very generous and encouraging review! It's been interesting with this novel that some folks are put off by the inclusion of the interpretation within the text and others when it is within the AN's. Personally, I like it in the AN's. I think I'll change it back to my first preference.
I really appreciate your taking to read and review.
Warmest regards, Bev
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You are welcome, Bev.
Comment from Narvik
Good opening paragraph that set the ensuing tone well.
Then the devil dog encounter in the middle really jolted the scene nicely.
I like the relationship between Ty and Jana. From Ty's internal dialogue, it seems they genuinely care about each other. Then the phone conversation deepened that as well.
And great chapter ending to hook readers to keep turning the pages.
two lane (Not sure, but maybe needs a hyphen?)
Anyway, intriguing chapter moves the story along well, Bev. I'm genuinely impressed.
~ Erik
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2014
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Good opening paragraph that set the ensuing tone well.
Then the devil dog encounter in the middle really jolted the scene nicely.
I like the relationship between Ty and Jana. From Ty's internal dialogue, it seems they genuinely care about each other. Then the phone conversation deepened that as well.
And great chapter ending to hook readers to keep turning the pages.
two lane (Not sure, but maybe needs a hyphen?)
Anyway, intriguing chapter moves the story along well, Bev. I'm genuinely impressed.
~ Erik
Comment Written 25-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2014
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Erik, thank you very much for this totally awesome review. I sure appreciate your generosity and encouragement. Coming from someone whose writing I so admire, this is as good as it gets! :0) Bev
Comment from judiverse
This is really spine-tingling, especially the creature that Ty sees, and then it vanishes before Ty can shoot it. Unfortunately, Tony's dog Wasu has been killed by the fiend. He boasts of it when Ty picks up the phone. Apparently he has Tony, but his real interest is in the priest. Great characterizations in this. Ty's actions have been right under the trying circumstances. He is willing to stand up to this fiendish character, especially as family is involved. judi
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2014
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This is really spine-tingling, especially the creature that Ty sees, and then it vanishes before Ty can shoot it. Unfortunately, Tony's dog Wasu has been killed by the fiend. He boasts of it when Ty picks up the phone. Apparently he has Tony, but his real interest is in the priest. Great characterizations in this. Ty's actions have been right under the trying circumstances. He is willing to stand up to this fiendish character, especially as family is involved. judi
Comment Written 25-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2014
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Judi, thank you so much, my friend, both for you support and generosity. You've been an unflagging source of encouragement, and I cannot thank you enough. XX Bev
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You're so welcome. Can't wait to see how it all comes together in the end. judi
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Thanks, Judi. I can't either LOL. xx
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You're welcome. I always look forward to reading. With Jana's family being involved, that really makes the case personal. judi
Comment from boxergirl
Wow! That was an intense continuation of your story line. I was holding my breath the whole time on the bridge. Then when he gets to the house and finds Wasu. (sad)
Tons of eeriness with the phone call and the kidnapping of Tony. Great job! 8-)
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2014
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Wow! That was an intense continuation of your story line. I was holding my breath the whole time on the bridge. Then when he gets to the house and finds Wasu. (sad)
Tons of eeriness with the phone call and the kidnapping of Tony. Great job! 8-)
Comment Written 25-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2014
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Hi, boxergirl. I am deeply honored by your generosity and encouragement. Your reaction to the chapter is one of the reasons this writing 'thing' is so fun. Awesome review, my friend. XX Bev
Comment from Selina Stambi
My dear Bev,
What a storyteller you are! This is not the easiest type of tale to tell - there is a danger of it becoming cheesy. You do it masterfully.
You had me at the edge of my seat again, my friend. :)
Redboy .. made me smile!
Another fabulous read.
Hugs and love,
xxx
Sonali :)
even the bullfrogs cowered in the creek ... this line really sets the spooky stage
Inertia was a foreign invader, and Ty wasn't willing to bow to its dominion. .. fabulous line
, though, an animal broke through the fog(,) rolling up
He could see no lights coming towards him for which he was relieved .. what do you think of ... towards him, and he was relieved ..?
cannibal grin, and the way its eyes bore(d) into his was .. past tense of bore:bored
coffee in the pot(,) which was disturbing as Tony Buday was known to drink (voluminous) amounts .. copious amounts ...?
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2014
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My dear Bev,
What a storyteller you are! This is not the easiest type of tale to tell - there is a danger of it becoming cheesy. You do it masterfully.
You had me at the edge of my seat again, my friend. :)
Redboy .. made me smile!
Another fabulous read.
Hugs and love,
xxx
Sonali :)
even the bullfrogs cowered in the creek ... this line really sets the spooky stage
Inertia was a foreign invader, and Ty wasn't willing to bow to its dominion. .. fabulous line
, though, an animal broke through the fog(,) rolling up
He could see no lights coming towards him for which he was relieved .. what do you think of ... towards him, and he was relieved ..?
cannibal grin, and the way its eyes bore(d) into his was .. past tense of bore:bored
coffee in the pot(,) which was disturbing as Tony Buday was known to drink (voluminous) amounts .. copious amounts ...?
Comment Written 25-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2014
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Dear Sonali. Thank you so much for this absolutely terrific review. And I always appreciate your sharp editorial eye! Your suggestions are great, and I've made the changes suggested. So glad you found the chapter effective -- means a lot to me. Love ya, Bev
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Luvya back! xxx
Comment from buzclick
I am cursed as so many with a short attention span but if I had the book in my hands. I'd still be reading.
Creating story, setting and it built and maintained a strong sense of suspense.
Very nice work here.
Love the spirit dog idea.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2014
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I am cursed as so many with a short attention span but if I had the book in my hands. I'd still be reading.
Creating story, setting and it built and maintained a strong sense of suspense.
Very nice work here.
Love the spirit dog idea.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2014
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Hi, Buzclick. It's fantastic reviews like this that keep me in my seat and working hard to put out a worthy product. Thanks for the very generous and encouraging review!
Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from jadapenn
I have been waiting for this little excursion back to the reservation. Heck, I had a nice scare when that dog/wolf thing stood on the bridge. You're really working with the devil's here friend. lol. Hope they don't tell you what to write. Poor Wasu. Was it the wolf that did that to him. This devilish serial killer better be cornered before he commits more crime. Well written, friend. I enjoyed. luv jada
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2014
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I have been waiting for this little excursion back to the reservation. Heck, I had a nice scare when that dog/wolf thing stood on the bridge. You're really working with the devil's here friend. lol. Hope they don't tell you what to write. Poor Wasu. Was it the wolf that did that to him. This devilish serial killer better be cornered before he commits more crime. Well written, friend. I enjoyed. luv jada
Comment Written 25-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2014
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Jada, thank you so much, my friend. I am working the devil, here, and no I don't think they're behind the writing. More like inspiration from great horror writers LOL. It was hard to 'kill off' Wasu. I've really grown to love that hound as did Tony. And knowing how he died is going to piss off the peace-loving Shaman! I really appreciate your very generous review, my friend.
Hugs, Bev
