<3 " thoughtscapes" by Noni <3
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "She"A book of poetry, quotes and short stories
11 total reviews
Comment from James Chaima Phiri
She didn't lock her door. I feel in this poem, there are more than one door. I have noticed that she didn't lock her door of faith in God. She did not close the door of love for friends and relatives. This is wonderful. I wish you the best in the contest.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2014
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She didn't lock her door. I feel in this poem, there are more than one door. I have noticed that she didn't lock her door of faith in God. She did not close the door of love for friends and relatives. This is wonderful. I wish you the best in the contest.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2014
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Thank you so much...I feel you don't really lose the love but we do have to keep it alive in our loved ones by just being there with a hand to hold, a hug, and I love you...Thank you for understanding..
Comment from Smoothiecool
good luck in the contest
your words allow the reader to see and feel the images portrayed in this poem of how life is affected when ones memory is affected by Alzheimer's and knowing there is no cure and drawing on strength from heaven to survive each day
cheers Smoothiecool
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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good luck in the contest
your words allow the reader to see and feel the images portrayed in this poem of how life is affected when ones memory is affected by Alzheimer's and knowing there is no cure and drawing on strength from heaven to survive each day
cheers Smoothiecool
Comment Written 16-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful understanding of this....and thanks for the luck for the contest
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most welcome..Smoothiecool
Comment from BeasPeas
I think this poem has some good elements, but would be more effective with a few changes. For instance, since the majority of it is written in the present tense, change everything to agree. First two lines change to: "She didn't (doesn't) lock her door, she got (gets) lost going to the store." Since the majority of the piece is in third person, keep it that way all the way through: "What is happening to her mind...please help me (her) to remember, please help me (her) to find (or re-work these lines). There are places where you can tighten up by eliminating words: "everyday feeling (omit feeling) unsure (,) and (omit and) wanting just (omit just) to stay in bed." I think you have a worthy poem on an important topic.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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I think this poem has some good elements, but would be more effective with a few changes. For instance, since the majority of it is written in the present tense, change everything to agree. First two lines change to: "She didn't (doesn't) lock her door, she got (gets) lost going to the store." Since the majority of the piece is in third person, keep it that way all the way through: "What is happening to her mind...please help me (her) to remember, please help me (her) to find (or re-work these lines). There are places where you can tighten up by eliminating words: "everyday feeling (omit feeling) unsure (,) and (omit and) wanting just (omit just) to stay in bed." I think you have a worthy poem on an important topic.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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Thank you very much, and thank you for your input..
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I always pay attention to my reviewers comments because it helps me to become a more effective writer for my cause--in my case--animal rights. Alzheimer's is a dreaded ailment for all of us as we age. Your piece is right on target and I hope you continue to talk about it.
Comment from nelliesellie
I love the poem. It tells of the heartache of Alzheimer's It kills the brain first. It causes horrific heartbreak for the patients and loved one. Great work. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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I love the poem. It tells of the heartache of Alzheimer's It kills the brain first. It causes horrific heartbreak for the patients and loved one. Great work. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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Thank you for your understanding comments!!
Comment from Cajungirl
Excellent job, a great take on the writing prompt 'she left her door unlock'. A sad story in a a poem, Alzheimer's has claimed so many victims. I can't imagine being trapped in my own mine. best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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Excellent job, a great take on the writing prompt 'she left her door unlock'. A sad story in a a poem, Alzheimer's has claimed so many victims. I can't imagine being trapped in my own mine. best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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Thank you so much!!
Comment from adewpearl
good use of rhyming couplets
good alliteration in forgetting a familiar face
everyday feeling - every day feeling
you express thoughtfully the terrible fear a person feels as she realizes her mind is slipping away
Brooke
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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good use of rhyming couplets
good alliteration in forgetting a familiar face
everyday feeling - every day feeling
you express thoughtfully the terrible fear a person feels as she realizes her mind is slipping away
Brooke
Comment Written 16-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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thank you so much
Comment from Nat Hobson
A very emotive piece that captures right from the start. It was an original, interesting use of the prompt and I wish you luck in the contest. Thanks for sharing with us.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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A very emotive piece that captures right from the start. It was an original, interesting use of the prompt and I wish you luck in the contest. Thanks for sharing with us.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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thank you for your kind review
Comment from CR Delport
I think living with any kind of permanent illness is a big burden, but it does make you appreciate life. This is well written. Good luck.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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I think living with any kind of permanent illness is a big burden, but it does make you appreciate life. This is well written. Good luck.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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thank you for your thoughtful review
Comment from tfawcus
What a savagely cruel disease Alzheimer's is both for the sufferer and for all of those who love her. Your poem is written with great sensitivity and brings out the feelings of confusion, desperation and fear associated with the slow downward spiral.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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What a savagely cruel disease Alzheimer's is both for the sufferer and for all of those who love her. Your poem is written with great sensitivity and brings out the feelings of confusion, desperation and fear associated with the slow downward spiral.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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thank you so much for your understanding and kind review
Comment from judester
I think the lack of punctuation helps this poem, Gives it a scattered and random feeling. I imagine people slowly getting worse from this disease must feel panic, which of course makes it worse, Bravo Judester
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reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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I think the lack of punctuation helps this poem, Gives it a scattered and random feeling. I imagine people slowly getting worse from this disease must feel panic, which of course makes it worse, Bravo Judester
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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thank you so much