Vanishing Act
Restaurant bombing and disappearance.52 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
Oh man! What have you been watching back then? Some spy movie? Scary stuff. I liked how you drew all our attention at the pretty lady. Interesting how you switched the POV from Trevor Lowry in first person and then to third person as that "nurse" finished him off. And the moral is - beware of mysterious couples who leave behind briefcases!
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2024
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Oh man! What have you been watching back then? Some spy movie? Scary stuff. I liked how you drew all our attention at the pretty lady. Interesting how you switched the POV from Trevor Lowry in first person and then to third person as that "nurse" finished him off. And the moral is - beware of mysterious couples who leave behind briefcases!
Comment Written 08-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2024
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It's such a pleasure to see the review light lit up and when I haven't posted in a while, because I always know you've gone back to read my old stuff. :-) Thank you so much, Helene, for yet again going back to read my foolishness that offers nothing in return. You're the sweetest woman ever! And I couldn't appreciate YOU more!
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I appreciate YOU! 💞🎵🙏
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
It feels a bit disjointed in places. I am almost out of stuff to read! I feel panic setting in. I am moving soon so I will be busy for a while. Love you sweetie pie.
Karen :-)
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2024
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It feels a bit disjointed in places. I am almost out of stuff to read! I feel panic setting in. I am moving soon so I will be busy for a while. Love you sweetie pie.
Karen :-)
Comment Written 27-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2024
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Well, sorry you didn't like it much. Honestly, I can't say that I even remember it, but at some point I'll go back and read it. LOL. Hope you're happy about your coming move. And thanks for taking time to read more of my foolishness. I always appreciate YOU!
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I said I liked it. I just thought it needed a second look. I need new stuff, or new old stuff to review. I will be rather bust for a while. Love you, Handsome Karen
Comment from billscott
Whoa, that was a taut little thriller of creepy sorts.
Loved the setup and subsequent finish. Awesome build up and blow up.
I wanted more...it stopped too soon!
Terrific!
reply by the author on 11-May-2014
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Whoa, that was a taut little thriller of creepy sorts.
Loved the setup and subsequent finish. Awesome build up and blow up.
I wanted more...it stopped too soon!
Terrific!
Comment Written 10-May-2014
reply by the author on 11-May-2014
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I appreciate everyone who takes the time to read my stories, but nothing makes me happier than those of you who read them without the bonus offer of fan money. I can't thank you enough, Bill, for your kind words and generous review. :-)
Comment from Michaelk
Great story! More please!
You hooked me with your fantastic descriptions, and reeled me in with the woman in red. There are a few minor issues that distracted me though. First, there are spots where you seem to switch from present tense to past tense. Second, in the hospital, when he starts saying, "Well, I guess..." That whole statement would be better broken into two or three smaller statements. Third, in the police file notes, the first two sentences (while well written) don't really fit the tone of an official police report.
That's it. I'm done nitpicking this fantastic story, will now begin asking for the next chapter.
Great job! Hope you continue on with it.
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2014
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Great story! More please!
You hooked me with your fantastic descriptions, and reeled me in with the woman in red. There are a few minor issues that distracted me though. First, there are spots where you seem to switch from present tense to past tense. Second, in the hospital, when he starts saying, "Well, I guess..." That whole statement would be better broken into two or three smaller statements. Third, in the police file notes, the first two sentences (while well written) don't really fit the tone of an official police report.
That's it. I'm done nitpicking this fantastic story, will now begin asking for the next chapter.
Great job! Hope you continue on with it.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2014
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Thanks for the nitpicking. I need all the help I can get. As for first two lines of the police report, if you read carefully, you will see that those are descriptions of the accompanying video surveillance. I'll see what I can do to pick up that dialog a bit. Thanks for taking time to read my story. Your kind words, generous review, and suggestions are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
A great descriptive write, Ric. An intriguing read.
You certainly know how to draw a person
in and hold their interest - I felt I was there on
the scene.
And well presented too.
overdressed - one word
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2014
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A great descriptive write, Ric. An intriguing read.
You certainly know how to draw a person
in and hold their interest - I felt I was there on
the scene.
And well presented too.
overdressed - one word
Comment Written 28-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2014
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Thank you so much for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. I'm still in the infant stages of learning to write, but encouragement from such great writers like you keeps me plugging at it. :-)
Comment from 24chas
I really enjoyed this read, Ric Myworld. It had really good narration and dialogue which made it flow nicely. Good job and keep up the good work.
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2014
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I really enjoyed this read, Ric Myworld. It had really good narration and dialogue which made it flow nicely. Good job and keep up the good work.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2014
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Thanks so much for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated.
Comment from egomega
Great read and a good job creating "word pictures." One grammar question. I'm wondering if "the atmosphere and clientele is more grungy and impatient" should be "the atmosphere and clientele are more grungy and impatient."
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2014
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Great read and a good job creating "word pictures." One grammar question. I'm wondering if "the atmosphere and clientele is more grungy and impatient" should be "the atmosphere and clientele are more grungy and impatient."
Comment Written 28-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2014
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OOPS, you are exactly right and thanks for pointing out my blunder. Thanks so much for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from Riss Ryker518
Now THAT was a great read! Wow! It was like I was right there in that restaurant! Your descriptive writing is superb, and you really know how to draw a person in. I could picture just how that sexy woman looked, and the arab guy, when he didn't notice her, I had a feeling something was up. But I did NOT expect the nurse to kill him! Was the officer in cahoots with the nurse? Oh man, that was so good..I was kind of sad that the story ended though.
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2014
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Now THAT was a great read! Wow! It was like I was right there in that restaurant! Your descriptive writing is superb, and you really know how to draw a person in. I could picture just how that sexy woman looked, and the arab guy, when he didn't notice her, I had a feeling something was up. But I did NOT expect the nurse to kill him! Was the officer in cahoots with the nurse? Oh man, that was so good..I was kind of sad that the story ended though.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2014
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Thank you so much for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. Yes, the officer is really the guy that ran out of the restaurant with the woman. :-)
Comment from Millibrad
I can see a lot of potential here. But, there are a lot of little things that need fixing, most of which have already been pointed out. Because of the mystery involved in the crime genre, readers looking for clues to solve the mystery pay a lot more attention to detail.
What appears to me as a major discrepancy is the impostor detective attempting to learn what Lowry knew about the bombing. They would know by his actions that he knew. "I yell at the top of my lungs, "RUN, RUN . . . GET OUT, NOW," as I beat on the glass and sprinted in desperation to get across the road to safety."
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2014
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I can see a lot of potential here. But, there are a lot of little things that need fixing, most of which have already been pointed out. Because of the mystery involved in the crime genre, readers looking for clues to solve the mystery pay a lot more attention to detail.
What appears to me as a major discrepancy is the impostor detective attempting to learn what Lowry knew about the bombing. They would know by his actions that he knew. "I yell at the top of my lungs, "RUN, RUN . . . GET OUT, NOW," as I beat on the glass and sprinted in desperation to get across the road to safety."
Comment Written 27-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2014
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Thanks for taking time to read my story. Your generous review and suggestions are greatly appreciated.
Comment from JBCaine
Ric-
It's a good story that could be great. I won't bother to comment on the actual errors, as others have pointed those I saw out.
Little incongruities here and there, which also have been indicated in reviews (the Asian-to-Arab transition, for example), just knock this one off-kilter for me.
You mentioned the lady had a fine buttock, I am still wondering what was wrong with the other one. I'd have used any word other than buttock, but that's just me.
It has the story, but lacks a bit in the telling. It is good enough that I hope you take this review as encouragement, rather than as an insult.
JBCaine-
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2014
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Ric-
It's a good story that could be great. I won't bother to comment on the actual errors, as others have pointed those I saw out.
Little incongruities here and there, which also have been indicated in reviews (the Asian-to-Arab transition, for example), just knock this one off-kilter for me.
You mentioned the lady had a fine buttock, I am still wondering what was wrong with the other one. I'd have used any word other than buttock, but that's just me.
It has the story, but lacks a bit in the telling. It is good enough that I hope you take this review as encouragement, rather than as an insult.
JBCaine-
Comment Written 26-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2014
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Thanks so much for taking time to read my story. Your kind words, review, and suggestions are greatly appreciated. I just started trying to write a few months ago, and before that, I barely new a noun from a verb. So don't worry about insulting me. I learn quick, and I started at square one, so there is no where to go but up. :-)