Promise of the Mirage
a Nature Whitney26 total reviews
Comment from rouskin
Perfect artwork and perfect poem It really deserves to be a winner ! Congratulations ! Thank you for sharing and have a great week Perfect write!
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2014
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Perfect artwork and perfect poem It really deserves to be a winner ! Congratulations ! Thank you for sharing and have a great week Perfect write!
Comment Written 20-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2014
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Wow thank you so much. That's a fantastic compliment! Truly thank you.
Comment from mountainwriter49
Hi, Greg
Congratulations on taking the Blue with this well written Whitney. You've used superb words to convey strong sensory feelings of drought, dryness, thirst and despair. with that said, I admire how you've ended the poem on an up-beat note: promised mirage.
-ray
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2014
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Hi, Greg
Congratulations on taking the Blue with this well written Whitney. You've used superb words to convey strong sensory feelings of drought, dryness, thirst and despair. with that said, I admire how you've ended the poem on an up-beat note: promised mirage.
-ray
Comment Written 20-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2014
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Thank you Ray! I'm so glad you liked it. I'm sorry the cert expired. Thank you so much! You got it perfectly.
Comment from SteveY
Wow Greg! I'm always excited to read your stuff, and then when I scrolled down and saw that it was a first prize contest winner, whewy! Great job as always!
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2014
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Wow Greg! I'm always excited to read your stuff, and then when I scrolled down and saw that it was a first prize contest winner, whewy! Great job as always!
Comment Written 20-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2014
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Thank you Steve! This was my first try at a Whitney so I'm happy I won! :) I'm sorry the cert expired! Thank you so much.
Comment from Treischel
Excellent vivid imagery blending the photograph with this well executed Whitney verse that captures the desolate nature of the desert terrain. Nicely Done!
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2014
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Excellent vivid imagery blending the photograph with this well executed Whitney verse that captures the desolate nature of the desert terrain. Nicely Done!
Comment Written 19-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2014
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Thank you my friend. Yeah I thought I woud try a bleaker idea of nature as opposed to the pretty ones, etc. I'm glad you liked it!
Comment from Green Lake Girl
Very nicely done. I enjoyed your poem. It's very creative and unique. Great imagery. I see you're doing well in the contest. Welcome to FanStory!
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2014
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Very nicely done. I enjoyed your poem. It's very creative and unique. Great imagery. I see you're doing well in the contest. Welcome to FanStory!
Comment Written 19-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2014
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Thank you so much! I'm really glad you liked the imagery. :)
Comment from visionary1234
oh yes ... I like this one ... though not as traditionally 'rhyming' as most entries so you'll probably get some complaints - but your internal assonance is there cries/dried, drinking/splintered - and of course, fingers/lingers is a perfect rhyme and the contest does NOT specify how MUCH rhyming!
:)S
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2014
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oh yes ... I like this one ... though not as traditionally 'rhyming' as most entries so you'll probably get some complaints - but your internal assonance is there cries/dried, drinking/splintered - and of course, fingers/lingers is a perfect rhyme and the contest does NOT specify how MUCH rhyming!
:)S
Comment Written 19-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2014
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Thanks S! Yeah it said one or two rhymes, any scheme was fine. I don't like rhyming, especially in short forms like this. It comes off cheesy to me. That's why I only did one perfect and kept the rest flowing. Thank you!
Comment from JuneYvonne
I really like your whitney about the parched earth thirsty for rain. Your phrase "cried tears of dust" is very powerful, and "cracks umber plates" is perfectly illustrated in your choice of picture.
Your whitney meets all the requirements with good use of meter and rhyme.
Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest.
June
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2014
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I really like your whitney about the parched earth thirsty for rain. Your phrase "cried tears of dust" is very powerful, and "cracks umber plates" is perfectly illustrated in your choice of picture.
Your whitney meets all the requirements with good use of meter and rhyme.
Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest.
June
Comment Written 18-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2014
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Thank you June for a wonderful review. I'm so grateful that you picked your favorite parts. That means a lot. Thank you!
Comment from joann r romei
Sounds like my damn life right no, Great little poem and the picture truly was not needed, the words were able to create the image and emotion,
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2014
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Sounds like my damn life right no, Great little poem and the picture truly was not needed, the words were able to create the image and emotion,
Comment Written 18-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2014
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Thank you Joann. Should I remove the picture? Hmm
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I never use them, when we read novels and such, pictures arent there, the words must do all of the work, the readers mind forms an inner picture, just my feeling, but fan story is a unique site that favors them.
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I completely agree actually. Thank you, I appreciate it. When I submit my book I won't do pictures for sure! Thank you again Joann.
Comment from allborn66
This is a very powerful piece. I love the imagery and the mental picture that your words inspire. The form enhances your piece.
Barbara
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2014
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This is a very powerful piece. I love the imagery and the mental picture that your words inspire. The form enhances your piece.
Barbara
Comment Written 18-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2014
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Thank you so much Barbara. I'm really glad you liked it!
Comment from rama devi
Brilliant reflections on the imagery and a good pairing with photo and poetry. An effective personification of dirt and it's parched POV.
One suggestion:
splintered fingers
...a promised mirage lingers
splintered fingers...
a promised mirage lingers
I like the rhyme pair in the closing, adding a musical note at the end. Superb alliteration and consonance of S sounds too.
Bravo.
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2014
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Brilliant reflections on the imagery and a good pairing with photo and poetry. An effective personification of dirt and it's parched POV.
One suggestion:
splintered fingers
...a promised mirage lingers
splintered fingers...
a promised mirage lingers
I like the rhyme pair in the closing, adding a musical note at the end. Superb alliteration and consonance of S sounds too.
Bravo.
Love,
rd
Comment Written 18-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2014
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Thank you Rama. I changed it! I like that better now. This was my first try at this. I'm glad you liked it! I decided to go a little less "pretty" with the nature theme.
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:-))