Roswell's Bounty
sci-fi flash27 total reviews
Comment from Craigitar
Well written, engaging and easy read. Not an original theme but well delivered with enough of an original twist to get the job done nicely. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2013
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Well written, engaging and easy read. Not an original theme but well delivered with enough of an original twist to get the job done nicely. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 31-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2013
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Thanks, appreciate the read and review.
Comment from humpwhistle
Don't you just hate it, Ingrid, when we're not allowed to swear and grind? Personally, I think there's very little a preacher hasn't already heard.
You set us up really well in order to achieve Roswell--starting there would have been too easy. Love the Four-H angle. A lot of sci-fi writers would have called it Four-@#%&(. But they can't help themselves.
Just being the Devil's Advocate, could alien in vitro be considered sex? Just playing.
Good yarn.
Peace, Lee
"Maybe it has something to do with the aliens at Roswell?"
"Don't go all touristy on me. Aliens have nothing to do with this." -- I think at least one dialogue tag would be helpful here.
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2013
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Don't you just hate it, Ingrid, when we're not allowed to swear and grind? Personally, I think there's very little a preacher hasn't already heard.
You set us up really well in order to achieve Roswell--starting there would have been too easy. Love the Four-H angle. A lot of sci-fi writers would have called it Four-@#%&(. But they can't help themselves.
Just being the Devil's Advocate, could alien in vitro be considered sex? Just playing.
Good yarn.
Peace, Lee
"Maybe it has something to do with the aliens at Roswell?"
"Don't go all touristy on me. Aliens have nothing to do with this." -- I think at least one dialogue tag would be helpful here.
Comment Written 31-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2013
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A six star review is akin to receiving an academy award. Thank you.
As for the set-up. You're the master. I can still remember one you wrote, maybe two years ago, about the shipwrecked captain dying of thirst on a rock in the middle of the ocean.
Sex/alien/vitro? Well, truthfully, I wondered, considering this is a little hand-out for the host's preacher, whether he would view procreation as God's will and therefore holy. Our contest sponsor can very easily decide not to pass on this entry.
Added the dialogue tag--thanks.
Have a happy New Year. ingrid
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I remember that poor pirate, too.
I'm always turned off when prompts require 'keep it clean'. Ironically, I'm rarely graphic, and I don't think I've ever used a word that isn't uttered during primetime television. Censorship is bad enough. Pre-censorship is the same as washing my mouth out with Lifebuoy before I said shit.
Again. I liked your story.
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Fun. I really do admire your ability to create and write about so many different subjects. And they're all good!
I've made a couple of suggestions for your consideration:
Dana was frustrated by the run-down housing they were forced to rent. Not being able to sign a long term lease, the month-to-month houses were run-down. - 'run-down' echo here. You could simply say - Dana was frustrated at being forced to rent. Not being able to sign a long term lease, the month-to-month houses were run down.
Bill loved the guys that he worked with, - just a thought - I'm not sure 'loved the guys' works when talking about a straight guy. Maybe just 'liked the guys' ?
Bill needs to sleep in in a Speedo.
Oh, crap. I didn't see that ending coming! LOL! That's hilarious - I love it.
Gotta get some votes with this one, Ingrid.
Av
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2013
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Fun. I really do admire your ability to create and write about so many different subjects. And they're all good!
I've made a couple of suggestions for your consideration:
Dana was frustrated by the run-down housing they were forced to rent. Not being able to sign a long term lease, the month-to-month houses were run-down. - 'run-down' echo here. You could simply say - Dana was frustrated at being forced to rent. Not being able to sign a long term lease, the month-to-month houses were run down.
Bill loved the guys that he worked with, - just a thought - I'm not sure 'loved the guys' works when talking about a straight guy. Maybe just 'liked the guys' ?
Bill needs to sleep in in a Speedo.
Oh, crap. I didn't see that ending coming! LOL! That's hilarious - I love it.
Gotta get some votes with this one, Ingrid.
Av
Comment Written 31-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2013
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The twist in flash is my favourite part. If I can surprise readers, I continue to laugh when I read reviews. Thanks.
Comment from Narvik
Whoa! Never would've seen that twist coming in a million years. This was extremely creative. And the writing was clear and well-paced all the way through.
A couple minor suggestions:
You use "run-down" twice very close together. To avoid repetition, maybe change one. E.g., "dilapidated", "dingy", "shabby" "crumbling", etc.
everyday (I think you meant this as two words. As one word it means "commonplace")
You referred to the girl both as "Julie" and "Julia."
Anyway, this was a super story, Ingrid. Polish it up a bit and submit it.
~ Marv
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2013
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Whoa! Never would've seen that twist coming in a million years. This was extremely creative. And the writing was clear and well-paced all the way through.
A couple minor suggestions:
You use "run-down" twice very close together. To avoid repetition, maybe change one. E.g., "dilapidated", "dingy", "shabby" "crumbling", etc.
everyday (I think you meant this as two words. As one word it means "commonplace")
You referred to the girl both as "Julie" and "Julia."
Anyway, this was a super story, Ingrid. Polish it up a bit and submit it.
~ Marv
Comment Written 31-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2013
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All excellent suggestion, each of which I've implemented or corrected. Thanks so much for all the star power. Great way to end the year. Thanks and Happy New Year.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
LOL! Another slice of Fred, please! LOL! I had no idea where this was going till the ending.. you had me fooled completely. Very entertaining. :)
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2013
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LOL! Another slice of Fred, please! LOL! I had no idea where this was going till the ending.. you had me fooled completely. Very entertaining. :)
Comment Written 31-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2013
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My favourite part when I play with flash fiction is the twist at the end. It's always intriguing to see if I can catch readers off guard,
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And that's exactly what makes a flash fiction story good. My problem is THINKING UP situtations that could have such an ending. I wrote ONE in my entire life... ONE! It won the contest here, but just ONE? Never had another idea! LOL! I envy your imagination.
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Write a stand alone story using the magic camera as the premise
rough thoughts,
Two buddies like he same girl, one is a photography inventor. He has a real passion for the girl and gifts his buddy with a camera, saying that he'll develop the pictures if he'll just shoot a roll of the beauty. When he develops the pictures, they're all nude shots--new technology and discovers she has warts or falsies on or anything that would immediately dissipate his lust for the girl. But of course, don't tell the readers what the invention is.
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Wow! I never would have thought of that. You have a real talent for this. Hope you'll write more!
Comment from Sasha
This is really quite clever and I really got a kick out of it. You have a terrific imagination and know how to use it. This is a great entry for this contest and I wish you all the best. I found one minor spag:
"You've go to be kidding," ... I think you mean 'got'.
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reply by the author on 31-Dec-2013
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This is really quite clever and I really got a kick out of it. You have a terrific imagination and know how to use it. This is a great entry for this contest and I wish you all the best. I found one minor spag:
"You've go to be kidding," ... I think you mean 'got'.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2013
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Thanks for the alert. And, for reading.
Comment from Keturah Martin
This story is interesting and holds one's attention. It reminds me again Who is in charge of planning and creating a living soul. Every child conceived was planned and ordained by God for a specific purpose no one else can fill. Keep up your great writing skills.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2013
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This story is interesting and holds one's attention. It reminds me again Who is in charge of planning and creating a living soul. Every child conceived was planned and ordained by God for a specific purpose no one else can fill. Keep up your great writing skills.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2013
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thanks for reading and reviewing.
