The Little Dog That Wouldn't Let Go
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Primary/ Middle School Days. "Subtitle: God Never Lets Go!
34 total reviews
Comment from pipersfancy
Had to laugh out loud upon seeing the lyrics to 'Quartermaster's Store', Geoff! I remember singing that with abandon as a kid... I even sang the harmonies to the melody (if, any of us singing could actually carry the melody!) We'd often improvise and add verses using our own names, such as:
there was Pete, Pete... juggling some beets...;
there was Gerr, (Gerald) Gerr, in his underwear...;
etc.
Nice stroll down Memory Lane,
Christina
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2014
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Had to laugh out loud upon seeing the lyrics to 'Quartermaster's Store', Geoff! I remember singing that with abandon as a kid... I even sang the harmonies to the melody (if, any of us singing could actually carry the melody!) We'd often improvise and add verses using our own names, such as:
there was Pete, Pete... juggling some beets...;
there was Gerr, (Gerald) Gerr, in his underwear...;
etc.
Nice stroll down Memory Lane,
Christina
Comment Written 22-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2014
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Thanks Christina so appreciate you coming by for a look. Always appreciate friends reviews and suggestions.
Comment from James Dooney
Oh this is a nice little work here indeed. Its great that we can sit back and memorise the best days of our lives huh ! great job here !
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014
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Oh this is a nice little work here indeed. Its great that we can sit back and memorise the best days of our lives huh ! great job here !
Comment Written 19-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014
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Thanks James really pleased with the response I am getting and the help always welcome all the best. Have not met you before I don't think; will check your stuff.
Comment from scd41
Sankey, I liked this chapter more than the previous ones. Firstly, the sub-headings were not there to distract or partially pre-empt the curiousity in reading and finding out. Secondly, I find an uncanny similarity between your school days and mine - the old school building subsequently getting demolished, the free milk, getting the cane etc. My score of getting the cane was slightly better with just one during the 'never ending' wonderful school days. Please carry on with your story.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014
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Sankey, I liked this chapter more than the previous ones. Firstly, the sub-headings were not there to distract or partially pre-empt the curiousity in reading and finding out. Secondly, I find an uncanny similarity between your school days and mine - the old school building subsequently getting demolished, the free milk, getting the cane etc. My score of getting the cane was slightly better with just one during the 'never ending' wonderful school days. Please carry on with your story.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014
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Hi mate. Thanks for following on. You may see some more headings yet sorry. Got a pretty detailed rfeview of another chapter that will need some work as well. I am now up to part two of my working like trying to be better at applying the spell check er mo9re too hehe. God Bless.
Comment from jaeladarling
Very cool! I love reading people's life stories. This one is really interesting.
I don't know what kind of readability you're going for, but I plucked out some places that could do with some change. Up to you what you do with them. ;) :)
Thanks for sharing!
****
"really ancient, as I" (No comma)
"enrolled there); has now" (No semicolon)
"it with, yet." (No comma)
"kindergarten, or maybe" (Change the comma to a semicolon)
"a primary School" (lowercase "school")
"For example each day" (Comma after "example")
"It transpired, by the time we were to have our compulsory portion of milk, it had begun to sour or become quite warm." (This sentence is awkward. Remove "It transpired" for better readability.)
"commanded milk. Even sometimes in it's very unhealthy condition." (Change to: "commanded milk, even sometimes in its very unhealthy condition.")
"Every day there was marching. Led by Mr Dureen, or "Derringer", as he became known. the music man I am guessing." Change to: "Every day there was marching, led by Mr. Dureen, or "Derringer", as he became known; the music man, I am guessing.")
"for the Marching at" (Lowercase "marching")
"our maternal Grandmoher" (I think you meant "Grandmother")
("Nanna" as we called her), (No comma)
"The trip out to Warren, was, firstly" (Change to: "The trip out to Warren was, firstly,")
down the track. ) (Put the period on the outside of the end parenthesis, and delete the extra space there.)
"the fuel stove. Followed by" (Change to: "the fuel stove, followed by")
"the Dubbo mail Night train" (Looks like randomly capitalized words. Is it Dubbo Mail Night Train? Or just Dubbo mail night train? Or maybe Dubbo Mail night train?)
"My brother being an adventurous type," (Comma after "brother")
"came through and put on the light, and said" (Change to: "came through, put on the light, and said,")
"..Then turned out the light." (Remove the extra periods at the beginning.)
"So off, back to sleep, we went." (Remove the commas.)
"Some time, later. the light came on, again." (Change to: "Some time later, the light came on again.")
"there were, of course - Smoking Cabins" (Change to: "there were, of course, smoking cabins")
"night's journey, sitting up" (No comma)
"several smokers, in Second Class." (No comma)
"11 times to be precise." (Comma after "times")
"in class entitled" (Add "a" after "in")
"He was a clever, very artistic fellow. But strange, and probably one of the reasons the cane got banned in most, or all" (Change to: "He was a clever, very artistic fellow, but strange, and probably one of the reasons the cane got banned in most or all")
"He also knew at the time," (No comma)
"of Pianoforte and by" (Comma after "Pianoforte")
"as well seeing we" (Comma after "well")
"my Maternal Grandmother" (Lowercase "maternal grandmother")
"(Nanna) who was" (Comma after "(Nanna)")
"performed in, under" (No comma)
"for some times" (Change "some times" to "sometimes")
"*Derringer" as we nicknamed him was (Not sure why you have a star here, as well as on the previous mention of Derringer. It doesn't seem necessary, as I don't see a referenced footnote. Might want to remove that. Then change this to: "Derringer", as we nicknamed him, was)
"speaking of, told me" (No comma)
"at one time when she committed some misdemeanor in his estimation, anyhow - she or someone else" (Change to: "at one time she committed some misdemeanor (in his estimation, anyhow). She or someone else")
"One wonders if *Derringer" (The star again?)
"on the Camp grounds, that had" (Change to: "on the campgrounds that had")
"have posted some" (I think you missed "I" at the beginning of this)
"sweetheart I guess," (Comma after "sweetheart")
"visitor's day, to see" (No comma)
"now Fathers and Grandfathers even -" (Lowercase "fathers" and "grandfathers", and change the dash to a comma)
"to have as my teacher, Mr L C." (Change to: "to have as my teacher Mr. L.C.)
"in his 90's, recently." (No comma)
"one of the 2 ops" (Change "2" to "two")
"also the Headmaster." (Lowercase "headmaster")
"in 1963 then the latter," (Move the comma to after "1963")
""Praiste" complete with my not really authentic Irish" (Change to: ""Praiste", complete with my not-really-authentic Irish")
"in primary school. Even though" (Change to: "in primary school, even though")
"to the North West" (change "North West" to "northwest". It would sound even better to just change the whole thing to "northwest", without "to the")
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2014
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Very cool! I love reading people's life stories. This one is really interesting.
I don't know what kind of readability you're going for, but I plucked out some places that could do with some change. Up to you what you do with them. ;) :)
Thanks for sharing!
****
"really ancient, as I" (No comma)
"enrolled there); has now" (No semicolon)
"it with, yet." (No comma)
"kindergarten, or maybe" (Change the comma to a semicolon)
"a primary School" (lowercase "school")
"For example each day" (Comma after "example")
"It transpired, by the time we were to have our compulsory portion of milk, it had begun to sour or become quite warm." (This sentence is awkward. Remove "It transpired" for better readability.)
"commanded milk. Even sometimes in it's very unhealthy condition." (Change to: "commanded milk, even sometimes in its very unhealthy condition.")
"Every day there was marching. Led by Mr Dureen, or "Derringer", as he became known. the music man I am guessing." Change to: "Every day there was marching, led by Mr. Dureen, or "Derringer", as he became known; the music man, I am guessing.")
"for the Marching at" (Lowercase "marching")
"our maternal Grandmoher" (I think you meant "Grandmother")
("Nanna" as we called her), (No comma)
"The trip out to Warren, was, firstly" (Change to: "The trip out to Warren was, firstly,")
down the track. ) (Put the period on the outside of the end parenthesis, and delete the extra space there.)
"the fuel stove. Followed by" (Change to: "the fuel stove, followed by")
"the Dubbo mail Night train" (Looks like randomly capitalized words. Is it Dubbo Mail Night Train? Or just Dubbo mail night train? Or maybe Dubbo Mail night train?)
"My brother being an adventurous type," (Comma after "brother")
"came through and put on the light, and said" (Change to: "came through, put on the light, and said,")
"..Then turned out the light." (Remove the extra periods at the beginning.)
"So off, back to sleep, we went." (Remove the commas.)
"Some time, later. the light came on, again." (Change to: "Some time later, the light came on again.")
"there were, of course - Smoking Cabins" (Change to: "there were, of course, smoking cabins")
"night's journey, sitting up" (No comma)
"several smokers, in Second Class." (No comma)
"11 times to be precise." (Comma after "times")
"in class entitled" (Add "a" after "in")
"He was a clever, very artistic fellow. But strange, and probably one of the reasons the cane got banned in most, or all" (Change to: "He was a clever, very artistic fellow, but strange, and probably one of the reasons the cane got banned in most or all")
"He also knew at the time," (No comma)
"of Pianoforte and by" (Comma after "Pianoforte")
"as well seeing we" (Comma after "well")
"my Maternal Grandmother" (Lowercase "maternal grandmother")
"(Nanna) who was" (Comma after "(Nanna)")
"performed in, under" (No comma)
"for some times" (Change "some times" to "sometimes")
"*Derringer" as we nicknamed him was (Not sure why you have a star here, as well as on the previous mention of Derringer. It doesn't seem necessary, as I don't see a referenced footnote. Might want to remove that. Then change this to: "Derringer", as we nicknamed him, was)
"speaking of, told me" (No comma)
"at one time when she committed some misdemeanor in his estimation, anyhow - she or someone else" (Change to: "at one time she committed some misdemeanor (in his estimation, anyhow). She or someone else")
"One wonders if *Derringer" (The star again?)
"on the Camp grounds, that had" (Change to: "on the campgrounds that had")
"have posted some" (I think you missed "I" at the beginning of this)
"sweetheart I guess," (Comma after "sweetheart")
"visitor's day, to see" (No comma)
"now Fathers and Grandfathers even -" (Lowercase "fathers" and "grandfathers", and change the dash to a comma)
"to have as my teacher, Mr L C." (Change to: "to have as my teacher Mr. L.C.)
"in his 90's, recently." (No comma)
"one of the 2 ops" (Change "2" to "two")
"also the Headmaster." (Lowercase "headmaster")
"in 1963 then the latter," (Move the comma to after "1963")
""Praiste" complete with my not really authentic Irish" (Change to: ""Praiste", complete with my not-really-authentic Irish")
"in primary school. Even though" (Change to: "in primary school, even though")
"to the North West" (change "North West" to "northwest". It would sound even better to just change the whole thing to "northwest", without "to the")
Comment Written 18-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2014
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Wow! Love you conscientious reviewers thanks heaps. This was an initial run of a new edit. Funny how weven when we go back to correct suggested goofs we find more hehe! Welcome new friend hope we can help each other. This is a major reogranization of my autobiography. you look at the other chapter and stick with me as I move forward with more edits. Where are you by the way I am in Australia if you haven't figured that already Name is Geoff. Thanks again.
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I had a feeling you were in Oz. LOL I've got a friend that lives in Adelaide. So far I love all the awesome people from Australia! :) I make my share of mistakes too. It always takes a second pair of eyes to help catch everything. I don't mind helping with the nits. I always appreciate when others do the same, and what's the point of a review if it's no help? Even if someone just says, "Hey, the dialogue is boring." That at least gets me to look it over again. :) And oh yeah, I'm in the midwest of the U.S. :)
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Well I printed up the LIST! Arrgghh 2 pages of em! Will get to it in a sec. Cleaning lady coming today so might try and make a start before I get interrupted. Poor Adelaide they get the Murray River Water after 2 other states have had their way with it hehe. In Adelaide after you have a shower you have to shower in something else to get Adelaide water off of you ha! Thanks and nice to have yet another friend. By the way I think the Murray comes off the Darling River (in Queensland North of our state.)if I am not mistaken thought you might like that seeing you have darling in your nick.
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Hi again I have now completed all the suggestions for change. I really think had I been more careful and applied the Spell Checker on this round a lot of thies may have been averted. Thanks anyway. I think I was a bit tired when I did this last as well.
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That's cool. LOL We're along the Missouri River, and it goes through a lot before we get it. You can smell the river early in the morning and just after sunset. Yuck.
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Definitely MISERY ha! Sorry couldn't help it! Check the Primary Middle School Chapter comments I just wrote to you. As I said I really feel if I had applied the Spell Checker a lot of all your hard work would have been averted or avoided ha! What time therre now it is 9:45am Friday here I know you guys go OFF daylight Saving First Sunday in November we go ON First Sunday in October ha! (Hate Daylight saving! Grrrr
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Yeah, and what kind of daylight do we really save? We take it off one end of the day and put it on the other. But what do I know? It's a little after 7:00 p.m. here.
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Still remember the story back when it all started of the lady going crook about the extra sunlight fading her curtains ha!
Comment from Jay Squires
Another suggestion for the confusion [This is a very long and convoluted sentence that I think could be improved by breaking it into two or three sentences.]
Could not get any agreement from anyone? [Did you intend a questionmark at the end of this sentence?]
As a general suggestion, consider taking one of the central scenes in this chapter and spend more time on it. Describe the smells, sounds, sights, etc. of the place. Even using a little poetic license, include some dialogue. Nothing brings in the interest of the reader like relationships. And dialogue is a relationship builder.
This is a good addition to your memoir, Geoff.
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2014
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Another suggestion for the confusion [This is a very long and convoluted sentence that I think could be improved by breaking it into two or three sentences.]
Could not get any agreement from anyone? [Did you intend a questionmark at the end of this sentence?]
As a general suggestion, consider taking one of the central scenes in this chapter and spend more time on it. Describe the smells, sounds, sights, etc. of the place. Even using a little poetic license, include some dialogue. Nothing brings in the interest of the reader like relationships. And dialogue is a relationship builder.
This is a good addition to your memoir, Geoff.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2014
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Hi mate I know you are right about Dialogue have tried to apply that where I can. Thanks for the suggestion may get back to this and do some more thinking on it. We have come a long way since I started this over a year ago now. I did a lot of pre preparation before I even joined FS but it has certainly had some great makeovers since July last year. Thanks again Will look at the suggestions here again soon. I spoke to Tom today seems there is no restriction on the number of revisions so looks like I have plenty of room to put stuff up as many times asd I need to. Just won't have all the carrots on them hehe.Thanks again. Maybe Middle School might end up with another chapter ha.
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I'm glad to see you're experimenting with your chapters. FS is a good place to do that.
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Hi mate if you have time have a look at this chapter. I have fixed some of the blurbs and added some content you might like to read.
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
Sankey:
The tough thing about some of our memories is trying
to get others to confirm them; however, there are
some who find them too embarrassing to confront. I
hope you are finding the writing of these memoirs
cathartic. While I did not get the cane while in
elementary school, I did find myself on the wrong
side of the paddle now and then.
thanks for sharing
love,
jan
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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Sankey:
The tough thing about some of our memories is trying
to get others to confirm them; however, there are
some who find them too embarrassing to confront. I
hope you are finding the writing of these memoirs
cathartic. While I did not get the cane while in
elementary school, I did find myself on the wrong
side of the paddle now and then.
thanks for sharing
love,
jan
Comment Written 17-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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Yay thanks again Jan pleased you are going through the chapters appreciate your interest. God Bless, Geoff.
Comment from kiwijenny
It seems like your schooling had a lot of cruel elements...namely teachers and canes
I went to primary school in New Zealand It was a lot of fun.
This was an intriguing read. Kids today have no clue
God bless
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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It seems like your schooling had a lot of cruel elements...namely teachers and canes
I went to primary school in New Zealand It was a lot of fun.
This was an intriguing read. Kids today have no clue
God bless
Comment Written 17-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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Thanks Jenn y I presume. Seen your stuff around before. Appreciate the review. Had a lot of undiagnosed problems in my school days too that probably did not help. See that later I think.
Comment from onebrit
Im liking this story more and more. Thank goodness there is no longer caning in schools, how barbaric and for something so innocent. Rules were certainly ridiculous back then. Nice bow tie!
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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Im liking this story more and more. Thank goodness there is no longer caning in schools, how barbaric and for something so innocent. Rules were certainly ridiculous back then. Nice bow tie!
Comment Written 17-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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Hi new friend thanks for the lovely review. Derringer certainly enjoyed applying the cane and as for the thirds class thing well I dunno hehe!
Comment from sweetwoodjax
you did an excellent job writing this chapter, sankey, sharing your experiences with us. I enjoyed reading it. I got paddled in school twice I think it was. one was for cheating.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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you did an excellent job writing this chapter, sankey, sharing your experiences with us. I enjoyed reading it. I got paddled in school twice I think it was. one was for cheating.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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Thanks Sis appreciate your review.
Comment from chasennov
Chapter 4 of the book The Little Dog That Wouldn't Let Go
More of my never ending story "Primary or Middle School Days" I think most of us didn't know where we belonged at one stage or another. This revised work is good. Well done.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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Chapter 4 of the book The Little Dog That Wouldn't Let Go
More of my never ending story "Primary or Middle School Days" I think most of us didn't know where we belonged at one stage or another. This revised work is good. Well done.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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Thanks old friend obviously picking up all the revisions good to see you again.
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You are most welcome.
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Hi friend just to let you know in case you missed it I have been splitting up old big chapters of my book into smaller easier to read chapters and there is more being added as we go through. I remember you said to keep you informed as you were interested in following along. Thought I should let you know big changes have been made some you will recognise from before but more added even in the plit of chapters and more pictures also..
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Thank you for letting me know. Will do.
