Commentary and Philosophy
Viewing comments for Chapter 96 "Their Spirits Dance"My thoughts about t
16 total reviews
Comment from GracieAnn
Treischel, this Pantoum Sonnet is executed with beauty and excellence incorporating local lore and giving a possible answer for the belief. Nice work. :0 GracieAnn
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2013
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Treischel, this Pantoum Sonnet is executed with beauty and excellence incorporating local lore and giving a possible answer for the belief. Nice work. :0 GracieAnn
Comment Written 22-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2013
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Thank you GracieAnm.
Comment from maggieadams
Good use of repetition. I liked the rhythm scheme of 8 syllables but "On sacred pond..." the rhythm broke down. I like the sound and imagery of "They flop atop the lily pads." Great job.
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2013
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Good use of repetition. I liked the rhythm scheme of 8 syllables but "On sacred pond..." the rhythm broke down. I like the sound and imagery of "They flop atop the lily pads." Great job.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2013
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Thank you Maggieadams. I appreciate you comments. You must be counting Bronzed as two syllables. It is spoken with one?
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Actually, it was more that warriors rolled off with 3 syllables and made the rhythm have 9...Saw on your profile you like gambling...check out my "She Came Casually" story...thanks.
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Ah, I missed that. You are right!
I will check it out,
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Thanks.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
I enjoyed this sonnet very much Treischel. It was very smooth when I read it out loud. Your repeating lines were almost hidden and fit in very well. It is a Shame the way the good indians were betrayed by the government. That is a very nice picture. Nancy
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2013
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I enjoyed this sonnet very much Treischel. It was very smooth when I read it out loud. Your repeating lines were almost hidden and fit in very well. It is a Shame the way the good indians were betrayed by the government. That is a very nice picture. Nancy
Comment Written 20-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2013
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Thank you very much Nancy.
Comment from Selina Stambi
They flop atop the lily pads,.. these words tripped delightfully bouncily off my tongue!
I have a six for you today, my dear friend - hurrah!
The author notes are splendid - they reinforce the reminder of the grave wrongs that have been inflicted on these ancient, majestic peoples.
Have a lovely day, Tom. Bless you!
Sonali
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2013
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They flop atop the lily pads,.. these words tripped delightfully bouncily off my tongue!
I have a six for you today, my dear friend - hurrah!
The author notes are splendid - they reinforce the reminder of the grave wrongs that have been inflicted on these ancient, majestic peoples.
Have a lovely day, Tom. Bless you!
Sonali
Comment Written 20-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2013
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Thank you Sonali. I'm glad you enjoyed it and saw the information on the Native Americans. The stars are icing on the cake.
Comment from Just Alyx
This is a beautiful poem that could be applied to the indigenous anywhere in the world. I immediately applied it to Australian Aboriginals. Loved the vibrancy of the words that made me visualise the spirit boys - "As droplets pelt these prancing braves,/On sacred pond bronzed warriors play" - the beautifully smooth skin, the bright white, wide smiles, laughter in Motherland. Really liked the subtle inference toward Scared Lands and warriors still "fighting" for their rights, post haste. In Australia, success is slowly rising through programs and elders teaching traditional ways/diet/language to the young, and most of all, reclaiming the joy in their heritage. It's wonderful, so those faithful spirit boys, worldwide, have my vote of confidence. This is wonderful poetry.
They hang around
and dance and play;
spirit faith in rise,
they stay.
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2013
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This is a beautiful poem that could be applied to the indigenous anywhere in the world. I immediately applied it to Australian Aboriginals. Loved the vibrancy of the words that made me visualise the spirit boys - "As droplets pelt these prancing braves,/On sacred pond bronzed warriors play" - the beautifully smooth skin, the bright white, wide smiles, laughter in Motherland. Really liked the subtle inference toward Scared Lands and warriors still "fighting" for their rights, post haste. In Australia, success is slowly rising through programs and elders teaching traditional ways/diet/language to the young, and most of all, reclaiming the joy in their heritage. It's wonderful, so those faithful spirit boys, worldwide, have my vote of confidence. This is wonderful poetry.
They hang around
and dance and play;
spirit faith in rise,
they stay.
Comment Written 19-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2013
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Thank you Juxt Alyx, yes, so true, it happened in many place around the world,
Comment from 9999pool
A great Pantoum Sonnet about a lake with a fountain. It seems to have jistoproical significance but there was no descriptiuon to explain its existence. It oculd have been the American native's home spot and one might just find the spirits dancing and playing among the fountain that was there in the lake.
great wrtie and well penned a lake of possibly historical significance int he past.
Cheerio, Ritchie. :))
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2013
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A great Pantoum Sonnet about a lake with a fountain. It seems to have jistoproical significance but there was no descriptiuon to explain its existence. It oculd have been the American native's home spot and one might just find the spirits dancing and playing among the fountain that was there in the lake.
great wrtie and well penned a lake of possibly historical significance int he past.
Cheerio, Ritchie. :))
Comment Written 18-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2013
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Thank you Ritchie. Boy, that's quite a word - jistoproical. What does tat mean?
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Hi Tom,
Sorry, my keys are jumping. Should read 'historical', smiles.
Thanks for sharing.
Cheerio, Ritchie. :))
Comment from rod007
This was a wonderful read. The repetition of the lines
"On sacred pond bronzed warriors play.
Delighting in refreshing spray," created a powerful echo in my mind as I imagined these native lads playing on this scared pool. Well done.
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2013
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This was a wonderful read. The repetition of the lines
"On sacred pond bronzed warriors play.
Delighting in refreshing spray," created a powerful echo in my mind as I imagined these native lads playing on this scared pool. Well done.
Comment Written 18-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2013
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Thank you Rod. Glad you liked it.
Comment from robina1978
Excellent photo again by you yourself. A Pantoum Sonnet is very nice for a change. About dancing spirits, very original. Thanks for sharing this beauty,
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2013
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Excellent photo again by you yourself. A Pantoum Sonnet is very nice for a change. About dancing spirits, very original. Thanks for sharing this beauty,
Comment Written 18-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2013
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Thank you Ine.
Comment from Sueellen11
Excellent poetry form as always,, and a great write,, their spirits dance on watery waves,, great wording,,, and your comments again very informative,, enjoyed the read,,blessings sueellen
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2013
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Excellent poetry form as always,, and a great write,, their spirits dance on watery waves,, great wording,,, and your comments again very informative,, enjoyed the read,,blessings sueellen
Comment Written 18-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2013
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Thank you Sueellen, glad you enjoyed them. It was a bit wordy.
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
A visually enticing and literary feast for all poetry lovers.
Rich with visuals and language a vivid picture of these bronzed warriors is painted and re-affirmed throughout.
Whilst a great stand alone piece of poetry the history in the author's notes is such a complement to the understanding of the poem.
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2013
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A visually enticing and literary feast for all poetry lovers.
Rich with visuals and language a vivid picture of these bronzed warriors is painted and re-affirmed throughout.
Whilst a great stand alone piece of poetry the history in the author's notes is such a complement to the understanding of the poem.
Comment Written 18-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2013
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Thank you Shirley, yes, I think the history is an essential element here. At least to understand my thoughts.
