Fortress Walls
ABC Poetry Contest I made into a song.40 total reviews
Comment from michaelcahill
Wow. The poem by itself is amazing. Endless awesome imagery, line after beautiful line. The rhythm of this piece is awesome and the rhyme is perfection. I won't mind a bit losing to this excellent piece. Took a pause to listen to this amazing song. The music and melody suit the lyrics tastefully. A great song and an excellent singing voice as well that would be recognizable easily as it is not generic or effected in any way. The presentation rocks,
looks 3D it is so clear. Well, late at night and running out of ways to tell you how excellent this piece is, mikey
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2013
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Wow. The poem by itself is amazing. Endless awesome imagery, line after beautiful line. The rhythm of this piece is awesome and the rhyme is perfection. I won't mind a bit losing to this excellent piece. Took a pause to listen to this amazing song. The music and melody suit the lyrics tastefully. A great song and an excellent singing voice as well that would be recognizable easily as it is not generic or effected in any way. The presentation rocks,
looks 3D it is so clear. Well, late at night and running out of ways to tell you how excellent this piece is, mikey
Comment Written 04-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2013
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Thank you so much for the excellent review and the huge sixer, Mikey. I'm glad you noticed the work that went into it. Not too many people commented on the music of it. That was really the hardest part. Lol. The site wasn't excepting it straight from my computer so I had to go through a whole learning experience of putting a vid on youtube then trying to figure out the magic of getting it on here. It was a struggle but I finally got it on here, lol. I really appreciate the generous stars, friend. I'm humbled. I'm glad you liked the piece. Have a good one.
Ron
Comment from poesyapprentice
You know I love when you write these types of poems, those of love and mush, lol, and this beautiful piece is no exception. You have such a way with them (can't beat the phrasing) and I envy your talent here. Wish I could do it. Love the tone! Your repeating line is perfect. It's all a bit sad. Love the pic you chose (but I might do a warm brown with a soft yellow to accompany, or something to encourage a cohesive invitation. The lavender is cold to me after the warmth of the pic but then fortress walls do still guard ; ) 4 stanzas from a-p, I'm impressed! J line threw off your count and awesome flow. Perhaps a one syllable adj before veil? I do actually like the line though. Great imagery and rhyme.
Now the vid/song! Love the pic! It's a funky little number and I like it : ) Honestly, the intro and your voice in the first verse are Beautiful! It made me want to watch you play. And you sound sexy in the third verse, lol! (sorry, just saying!) The extra beat you give to fall in the J line works in the song. Thanks, truly, for sharing! Best of luck in contest!!!
Ps. And your other post WAS silly! ; )
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2013
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You know I love when you write these types of poems, those of love and mush, lol, and this beautiful piece is no exception. You have such a way with them (can't beat the phrasing) and I envy your talent here. Wish I could do it. Love the tone! Your repeating line is perfect. It's all a bit sad. Love the pic you chose (but I might do a warm brown with a soft yellow to accompany, or something to encourage a cohesive invitation. The lavender is cold to me after the warmth of the pic but then fortress walls do still guard ; ) 4 stanzas from a-p, I'm impressed! J line threw off your count and awesome flow. Perhaps a one syllable adj before veil? I do actually like the line though. Great imagery and rhyme.
Now the vid/song! Love the pic! It's a funky little number and I like it : ) Honestly, the intro and your voice in the first verse are Beautiful! It made me want to watch you play. And you sound sexy in the third verse, lol! (sorry, just saying!) The extra beat you give to fall in the J line works in the song. Thanks, truly, for sharing! Best of luck in contest!!!
Ps. And your other post WAS silly! ; )
Comment Written 03-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2013
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Thank you so much for the excellent review and the big sixer, Marsha. It took me a good long learning experience to figure out how to put a vid on youtube then figure out how to get it on here. The site wasn't just taking the song straight from my computer and it was driving me nuts, so I had to go this route. In the J line I actually was using veil as 2 syllables. That's why it seems short. Not real sure what I'm doing with the colors though. Soft brown just wasn't getting it for a background. You liked my sexy voice in the third stanza, huh? Lol. I dearly appreciate the gracious rating and kind review, M. I'm glad you liked the piece and music. Not many has mentioned the music so far but a couple. Thank you again, Marsha. Have a great day.
;)
Ron
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I missed this reply somehow! Yes, sexy-- so sue me, lol! ; ) I really did like the music a lot. The intro was so pretty, but I also liked the 'jam'!! I'm really glad you went thru all the trouble to post it, and I hope you do more!! I didn't see anything new in your profile tonight, and it is past my bedtime so it is lights out for me. Chat soon. xx
Comment from reconciled
yes sir surround the castle guard the king this vulnerability shit attracts vultures...O Hey Ron....-smile-
this was WOOOOOOoooooo WEEEEEeeee knock me dead dumb with a upside down frown no clowning around BRILLIANT...... dude even sings ..... probably got wings too....lol Look we need to get together announce a grand opening....call me....lol love you Dragon Michael
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2013
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yes sir surround the castle guard the king this vulnerability shit attracts vultures...O Hey Ron....-smile-
this was WOOOOOOoooooo WEEEEEeeee knock me dead dumb with a upside down frown no clowning around BRILLIANT...... dude even sings ..... probably got wings too....lol Look we need to get together announce a grand opening....call me....lol love you Dragon Michael
Comment Written 03-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2013
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Hey, Mike, hello friend. Thank you for the excellent review and the big sixer. Never heard anyone give something of mine such an outstanding compliment, (woo wee knock me dead dumb with an upside down frown no clowning around brilliant.) Lol. That was great. I really appreciate the gracious rating, Michael. I'm humbled. Yeah, I love my music too, lol. I'm glad you liked the piece. Thank you again, friend.
;)
Ron
Comment from Maria C.
Fantastic entry for the contest. Not only perfect in 'ABC' form but also done with ABAB rhyme scheme and with a repeating line. Nice simile in line one. Good metaphor using fortress walls guarding your heart.
Good luck to you. It worked well with the music too. Loved it.
Maria C.
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2013
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Fantastic entry for the contest. Not only perfect in 'ABC' form but also done with ABAB rhyme scheme and with a repeating line. Nice simile in line one. Good metaphor using fortress walls guarding your heart.
Good luck to you. It worked well with the music too. Loved it.
Maria C.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2013
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Thank you so much for the kind review and the huge sixer, Maria. I dearly appreciate the gracious rating and good luck wishes. I'm humbled. I'm glad you liked all the work that went into it. Thank you again, M. Have a great day.
;)
Ron
Comment from allborn66
This is a wonderful poem. The form enhances the piece. I loved the repeated line. The tone is consistent with the theme.
Barbara
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2013
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This is a wonderful poem. The form enhances the piece. I loved the repeated line. The tone is consistent with the theme.
Barbara
Comment Written 03-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2013
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Thank you for the kind review, Barbara. I dearly appreciate the gracious stars. I'm glad you liked the piece.
Ron
Comment from tfawcus
The lyrics of your song are rhythmic and strong. The refrain has been carefully thought out to give the maximum impact. These repeating lines are what make of break a song lie this, I think.
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2013
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The lyrics of your song are rhythmic and strong. The refrain has been carefully thought out to give the maximum impact. These repeating lines are what make of break a song lie this, I think.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2013
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Thank you for the excellent review, tfawcus. I really appreciate the generous stars.
Comment from Gungalo
Awesome Dragon. Your voice sounds perfect for this write and makes me want to sing along with you. Well done and a perfect presentation.
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2013
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Awesome Dragon. Your voice sounds perfect for this write and makes me want to sing along with you. Well done and a perfect presentation.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2013
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Hey, G, hello. Thank you so much for the kind review. I'm glad you liked the song. Not many people mentioned it in their review. I knew it wouldn't appeal to a whole lot of folks on here but I'm a rocker, lol. I dearly appreciate the gracious stars, G. I'm glad you liked the piece. Have a great day.
;)
Ron
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I'm a rocker too Ron.
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Excellent.
;)
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Smiling.
Comment from denhagan
This is a nice ABC poem for the contest, written with four stanzas of five lines each, with good rhythm and rhyming throughout the poem.
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2013
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This is a nice ABC poem for the contest, written with four stanzas of five lines each, with good rhythm and rhyming throughout the poem.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2013
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Thank you for the excellent review, denhagan. I'm glad you liked the piece.
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You're welcome,
Dennis
Comment from emrpoems
Beautifully written romance quatrains with abab rhyymes and the last line of each stanza repeated.
Alliterations: Compelling as her eyes compose, whispered word,
Neath nurtured
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2013
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Beautifully written romance quatrains with abab rhyymes and the last line of each stanza repeated.
Alliterations: Compelling as her eyes compose, whispered word,
Neath nurtured
Comment Written 03-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2013
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Thank you for the kind review, emrpoems. I really appreciate the gracious stars. I'm glad you liked the piece.
Comment from Lylise
Excellent!!! I cant's believe you pulled this off!! What a lovely ABAB poem and the music!!! Unbelievable!! This should win the contest hands down. Excellent presentation and this turning out to be an actual song just rocked. Very, very well done. Mr. Skulls. Lynda
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2013
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Excellent!!! I cant's believe you pulled this off!! What a lovely ABAB poem and the music!!! Unbelievable!! This should win the contest hands down. Excellent presentation and this turning out to be an actual song just rocked. Very, very well done. Mr. Skulls. Lynda
Comment Written 03-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2013
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Thank you so much for the kind review and big sixer, Lynda. Yeah, it took some doing but I finally got it all figured out so I could get the music to youtube then to here. It was definitely a learning experience, lol. I dearly appreciate the gracious stars. I'm humbled, L. I'm glad you liked the piece. Thank you again.
Ron
