The Bounty Hunter
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Dust to Dust"Supernatural Bounty Hunter
7 total reviews
Comment from Twilightspire
Well done! The action in this chapter was intense and seriously well written. I love his you spool out more and more if the mythology of your urban fantasy world with every encounter. The only advice I may offer is to make the POV switches more easily recognizable by using a barrier, such as: ***** or a line. That way it stood some of the confusion over who is the POV character. Wonderful work. I look forward to the next installment.
-T.J.
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Well done! The action in this chapter was intense and seriously well written. I love his you spool out more and more if the mythology of your urban fantasy world with every encounter. The only advice I may offer is to make the POV switches more easily recognizable by using a barrier, such as: ***** or a line. That way it stood some of the confusion over who is the POV character. Wonderful work. I look forward to the next installment.
-T.J.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2013
Comment from pbroussard209
Okay I take back what said in my last review. Lol now I understand Jessie is after the hostage. The cowboy is more than the soldiers expected. They think hes a mere human that's one advantage he has over them. I like the girlfriend humor you added.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2013
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Okay I take back what said in my last review. Lol now I understand Jessie is after the hostage. The cowboy is more than the soldiers expected. They think hes a mere human that's one advantage he has over them. I like the girlfriend humor you added.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2013
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Thank you very much. It is almost the end, I have one chapter and an epilogue remaining.
Comment from judiverse
You're doing a great job of bringing in the supernatural elements with the disappearing Jessie and the Lycan (powerfully described). You make the action very intense. The Senator has really called out the heavy guns, using the Squad to prevent their "guest" from being taken. Although it just the Hunter against them, he does have the Colt to give him the edge. judi
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2013
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You're doing a great job of bringing in the supernatural elements with the disappearing Jessie and the Lycan (powerfully described). You make the action very intense. The Senator has really called out the heavy guns, using the Squad to prevent their "guest" from being taken. Although it just the Hunter against them, he does have the Colt to give him the edge. judi
Comment Written 03-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2013
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Thank you, Judi. I hesitated on the Lycan, but I figured I've got angels and demons, why not.
Comment from CrystieCookie999
I hesitated between 5 and 6 stars on this, because the use of language is very powerful in portraying the action. I think the last line is unusual.
"Good because here they come."
I would put a comma after Good in this line. There are several other places where the punctuation could be fixed:
"Sergeant, move all remaining forces inside and take up defensive positions.
A comma should go after inside as you have two different independent sentences there.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2013
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I hesitated between 5 and 6 stars on this, because the use of language is very powerful in portraying the action. I think the last line is unusual.
"Good because here they come."
I would put a comma after Good in this line. There are several other places where the punctuation could be fixed:
"Sergeant, move all remaining forces inside and take up defensive positions.
A comma should go after inside as you have two different independent sentences there.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2013
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Thank you. I think you're right about the comma placement. I will fix that.
Comment from Silent1rose
That she would send a human to do her dirty work worried the Senator. (Something's wrong here, try rewording it.)
He felt a wet kiss on his check(cheek).
I was all into the suspense until you said man-beast, and I laughed my head off.
In a blur of fur and claws it flew past the Hunter as it tried and failed to bring its bulk to (a) stop.
The creature staggered for (a) moment,
I thought silver bullets only worked with vampires. *shrugs* Well I learn something new everyday.
Inside(,) The Captain and Senator Durbin stared at the video screen.
The Hunter emptied the M-16's magazine into him, shearing off the top half of (his) head.
This is another great chapter with a lot of action. :) I enjoyed reading it. The missing words through me off. There weren't many, but it interrupted the flow of the story, because it took my attention away. Just let me know when these things are fixed and I will gladly change my rating. ~ Rose
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2013
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That she would send a human to do her dirty work worried the Senator. (Something's wrong here, try rewording it.)
He felt a wet kiss on his check(cheek).
I was all into the suspense until you said man-beast, and I laughed my head off.
In a blur of fur and claws it flew past the Hunter as it tried and failed to bring its bulk to (a) stop.
The creature staggered for (a) moment,
I thought silver bullets only worked with vampires. *shrugs* Well I learn something new everyday.
Inside(,) The Captain and Senator Durbin stared at the video screen.
The Hunter emptied the M-16's magazine into him, shearing off the top half of (his) head.
This is another great chapter with a lot of action. :) I enjoyed reading it. The missing words through me off. There weren't many, but it interrupted the flow of the story, because it took my attention away. Just let me know when these things are fixed and I will gladly change my rating. ~ Rose
Comment Written 03-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2013
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Thank you, Rose. There are times when I don't know what I am looking at. This is what happens when I don't employ my wife to proof read for me.
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You're welcome. I'm glad to help. :)
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Lance. Again your strong suit is your ability to convey the action with great imagery:
"The loud rattle of automatic fire filled the air as the Hunter dived for cover behind a Marble statue. He brought the M-16 to bear and fired at the six men streaming out of the building. They were good shots. Pieces of shattered marble and hot bits of led showered his face. The Hunter only smiled and returned fire. This was what he was made for. This was the stuff of life itself and he relished every moment of it.:
Suggestions:
I'm not sure I would use an actual congressman's real name in this.
And:
"He froze in place not from her warning, but from the realization that he thought of Jessie as his girlfriend." (Just "he froze" is sufficient...we can assume "in place"
Good job, overall. Bob (Mastery)
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2013
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Hi, Lance. Again your strong suit is your ability to convey the action with great imagery:
"The loud rattle of automatic fire filled the air as the Hunter dived for cover behind a Marble statue. He brought the M-16 to bear and fired at the six men streaming out of the building. They were good shots. Pieces of shattered marble and hot bits of led showered his face. The Hunter only smiled and returned fire. This was what he was made for. This was the stuff of life itself and he relished every moment of it.:
Suggestions:
I'm not sure I would use an actual congressman's real name in this.
And:
"He froze in place not from her warning, but from the realization that he thought of Jessie as his girlfriend." (Just "he froze" is sufficient...we can assume "in place"
Good job, overall. Bob (Mastery)
Comment Written 03-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2013
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Thank you, Bob. I was thinking about that very thing. I will go back and change the name.
Comment from c_lucas
There is no force in numbers unless they can neutralize the target quickly. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a good read.
Error:
When it (hit)the ground,
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2013
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There is no force in numbers unless they can neutralize the target quickly. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a good read.
Error:
When it (hit)the ground,
Comment Written 02-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2013
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Thank you. I will fix that
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You're welcome, Lancellot. Charlie