Comment from rama devi

Excellent

I think this fits the contest guidelines and the rhymes are fresh and inventive. I am not a big fan of this form because I think it's too heavy on the rhyming--so it is indeed optimal to choose fresh rhymes. Yours are--so you should do well in the voting booth. A dramatic presentation, too, with apt artwork to enhance the impact of your thematic overtones.

Good luck.

Warmly, rd

 Comment Written 04-Oct-2013

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reply by the author on 04-Oct-2013

I don't care for all of the end rhyme either. Made some changes in this one also.

reply by rama devi on 04-Oct-2013

Good job. Works better.

reply by the author on 04-Oct-2013

Thanks

Comment from tfawcus

Excellent

Are there really no pure white knights on their prancing steeds left to rescue fair maidens? How sad! Indeed, what a blight! I have a sneaking suspicion that even in those good old days when white knights existed, they probably had a few well-concealed blights! No-one is perfect!

 Comment Written 04-Oct-2013

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reply by the author on 04-Oct-2013

Thanks for reviewing. Made some changes, including title. More befitting.

reply by tfawcus on 04-Oct-2013

Even more concerning! First they are blighted, now they are brawling :) Just kidding!

Comment from Jeanie Mercer

Excellent

The reason I rated this 4 stars instead of 5 is that the contest rules specify that all three lines have to rhyme. But I really love the idea here! (If you fix this, let me know and I will change the rating.) Good luck, Jeanie Mercer
P.S. You changed it and I upped the rating.

 Comment Written 04-Oct-2013

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reply by the author on 04-Oct-2013

Whoops missed that

reply by the author on 04-Oct-2013

Hi June. I changed it up and rhymed it.

reply by Jeanie Mercer on 04-Oct-2013

I see you changed, so I changed my rating to five. Love, Jeanie

reply by the author on 04-Oct-2013

reply by the author on 04-Oct-2013

Thanks