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Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "The Price of Freedom"A Flash Fiction Collection
40 total reviews
Comment from Muffins
At first blush, I started to label the father as a #1 ass but I quickly realized he's from a different generation. A generation which believes in time outs, trying to be their child's friend instead of parent. He's forgotten how vicious school bullies can be.
The two unforgettable characters, Grandpa Willie and Jason are the stories heart and soul. Their soul mate relationship is a portrait of pure love.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2014
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At first blush, I started to label the father as a #1 ass but I quickly realized he's from a different generation. A generation which believes in time outs, trying to be their child's friend instead of parent. He's forgotten how vicious school bullies can be.
The two unforgettable characters, Grandpa Willie and Jason are the stories heart and soul. Their soul mate relationship is a portrait of pure love.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2014
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Thank you very much. I forgot all about this story.
Comment from forestport12
Great story. Ingrid (Spiritual Echo) recommended I read your work. I see why this won the contest. You have a keen sense of story telling. And then a great story to tell.
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2013
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Great story. Ingrid (Spiritual Echo) recommended I read your work. I see why this won the contest. You have a keen sense of story telling. And then a great story to tell.
Comment Written 08-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2013
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Thank you very much. Spiritual Echo is a great story teller, we all learn a lot from Echo's work. I appreciate the great review.
Comment from SaluteDobby
Good for Jason!
I can see why this story won the contest! There are times when turning the other cheek just doesn't cut it. There are times when you need to stand up for yourself. Only when you love and respect yourself can you expect others to respect you.
I really liked the narration. The setting was perfect. Loved the Commander-cadet bit. :)
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Good for Jason!
I can see why this story won the contest! There are times when turning the other cheek just doesn't cut it. There are times when you need to stand up for yourself. Only when you love and respect yourself can you expect others to respect you.
I really liked the narration. The setting was perfect. Loved the Commander-cadet bit. :)
Comment Written 03-Oct-2013
Comment from allborn66
I think this is a delightful tale, and one that needs to be remembered. I had three boys go through the public school system, and made it very clear to them - no matter what the school officials think; you will never be in trouble at home for defending yourself.
It is a well written piece.
Barbara
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I think this is a delightful tale, and one that needs to be remembered. I had three boys go through the public school system, and made it very clear to them - no matter what the school officials think; you will never be in trouble at home for defending yourself.
It is a well written piece.
Barbara
Comment Written 02-Oct-2013
Comment from Fusion48
Gads, this was so reflective of my upbringing with a career U.S. Marine for a father who only wanted sons - brother was introduced as "my son" while I was "the girl".
Very well-told story that kept me reading and amused me.
Thanks for sharing.
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Gads, this was so reflective of my upbringing with a career U.S. Marine for a father who only wanted sons - brother was introduced as "my son" while I was "the girl".
Very well-told story that kept me reading and amused me.
Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2013
Comment from Gungalo
This is a very good lesson in learning the price of freedom. If the boy had done anything else he would not have earned the respect or the freedom. Good for him.
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This is a very good lesson in learning the price of freedom. If the boy had done anything else he would not have earned the respect or the freedom. Good for him.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2013
Comment from pensee
Wonderful. I felt like I was sitting on the porch. Minor grammar: things/they as opposed to things/it. So if "things had not gone well" then the following sentence should read, "not that he expected they would..." as opposed to "expected it would." Also, in the beginning, grandpa is sitting in a rocking chair but then cadet sits next to him in the rocker and my mental image of the area had to get reconstructed.
I could really feel the characters; thanks for creating them.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2013
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Wonderful. I felt like I was sitting on the porch. Minor grammar: things/they as opposed to things/it. So if "things had not gone well" then the following sentence should read, "not that he expected they would..." as opposed to "expected it would." Also, in the beginning, grandpa is sitting in a rocking chair but then cadet sits next to him in the rocker and my mental image of the area had to get reconstructed.
I could really feel the characters; thanks for creating them.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2013
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Thank you very much
Comment from Selina Stambi
Hello, lancellot,
This was a great story my friend. Truly a modern fable/parable.
You had my attention all the way and I was rooting for good ol' gramps and Jason!
Congratulations on the win. Well deserved indeed. :)
Sonali
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2013
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Hello, lancellot,
This was a great story my friend. Truly a modern fable/parable.
You had my attention all the way and I was rooting for good ol' gramps and Jason!
Congratulations on the win. Well deserved indeed. :)
Sonali
Comment Written 30-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2013
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Thank you very much, Sonali
Comment from ravenblack
I tell my kids the same. If someone bullies you or pushes you around, sometimes you have to take a stand and to hell with the consequences. That being said, and as this is a lesson on freedom, there should also be a proportional response. A chair to the face for spitballs ? Knocking out front teeth? Seems a bit extreme. Think the story would have made more sense logically without the chair.
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2013
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I tell my kids the same. If someone bullies you or pushes you around, sometimes you have to take a stand and to hell with the consequences. That being said, and as this is a lesson on freedom, there should also be a proportional response. A chair to the face for spitballs ? Knocking out front teeth? Seems a bit extreme. Think the story would have made more sense logically without the chair.
Comment Written 30-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2013
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Thank you
Comment from Titanx9
I see why you won the contest, Lancellot, because this short story is insightful and has an AESOP-like moral. I'm delighted you didn't take out a word, because any abridgment might have diluted the message. It's a very enjoyable read! Dossie
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2013
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I see why you won the contest, Lancellot, because this short story is insightful and has an AESOP-like moral. I'm delighted you didn't take out a word, because any abridgment might have diluted the message. It's a very enjoyable read! Dossie
Comment Written 30-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2013
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Thank you vey much