Free Verse Collection 2
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Journey"selections for seal submission
17 total reviews
Comment from Liilia
This poem takes me on an exciting journey filled with mystery, images, and flip-flopping of time and space. It is done expertly and although it goes all over the page in its scope, there is a tight control to it all - the form, the length of each line - surely contained in an amoeba like membrane. You are quite a talent and a very original one. Thanks for sharing this work.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2013
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This poem takes me on an exciting journey filled with mystery, images, and flip-flopping of time and space. It is done expertly and although it goes all over the page in its scope, there is a tight control to it all - the form, the length of each line - surely contained in an amoeba like membrane. You are quite a talent and a very original one. Thanks for sharing this work.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2013
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that is a very thoughtful and interesting review. most appreciated. very kind words of praise. thank you so much. regards, mike
Comment from Sally Carter
I read through your poem first time, out of breath by the time I got to the end, and then straight into your author notes. (Equally breathless!) I actually wish I hadn't read them, but gone back to the poem, because I think I would either have worked it out or come up with some other theory. If that was not quite what you intended, then no matter; whatever a reader gets out of a poem is interesting.
So, I am now going to go back and see what I find...
I'm sure I would have "got" that the first verse is all about exploring inside yourself. Quite sure. Very nicely done. And I really liked the trite ladder.
I am also sure I would have understood the false facades.
Those lines about surfaces and echoes really captured me. "A solid surface without which an echo is not" is a remarkable idea to play with. I don't pretend to fully understand all that section, but there is a lot there to ponder.
The section about the baby, I found very disturbing.
The endless flow seemed somehow to reinforce the distress that leapt out of the poem, with or without author notes.
Although I don't pretend to understand all of it, (and you yourself say it is more to make the reader feel than to understand in a literal sense) I bedlieve I have just read something honest and powerful, and quite unique. For that it has to be worth a 6.
I wish you well, and thank you for the privilege of reading this work.
Yours
Sally
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2013
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I read through your poem first time, out of breath by the time I got to the end, and then straight into your author notes. (Equally breathless!) I actually wish I hadn't read them, but gone back to the poem, because I think I would either have worked it out or come up with some other theory. If that was not quite what you intended, then no matter; whatever a reader gets out of a poem is interesting.
So, I am now going to go back and see what I find...
I'm sure I would have "got" that the first verse is all about exploring inside yourself. Quite sure. Very nicely done. And I really liked the trite ladder.
I am also sure I would have understood the false facades.
Those lines about surfaces and echoes really captured me. "A solid surface without which an echo is not" is a remarkable idea to play with. I don't pretend to fully understand all that section, but there is a lot there to ponder.
The section about the baby, I found very disturbing.
The endless flow seemed somehow to reinforce the distress that leapt out of the poem, with or without author notes.
Although I don't pretend to understand all of it, (and you yourself say it is more to make the reader feel than to understand in a literal sense) I bedlieve I have just read something honest and powerful, and quite unique. For that it has to be worth a 6.
I wish you well, and thank you for the privilege of reading this work.
Yours
Sally
Comment Written 04-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2013
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I am so thrilled to receive this beautiful review. it is so exciting that you totally understand this piece in every way. the notes were just a response to "what does it mean" being asked so many times. so, I gave it my best shot. I truly don't understand it all myself. I just felt a great deal of it and hoped that by pouring it on the page that others might too. I am as happy as I can be. thank you so very much. warmest regards, mike
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I'm delighted I got out of it what you hoped a reader would.
My best to you,
Sally
Comment from cinderbella
Thank-you for the author's notes on this one, when I read it again the second time it became very clear. The writing is beautiful, and the whole piece flows very smoothly. Thanks for sharing this. :) Sandra
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2013
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Thank-you for the author's notes on this one, when I read it again the second time it became very clear. The writing is beautiful, and the whole piece flows very smoothly. Thanks for sharing this. :) Sandra
Comment Written 04-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2013
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very happy you liked this. I thought the notes were only fair. I can really ramble on sometimes. (always?) ha! thank you very much. warm regards, mike
Comment from Eigle Rull
This was a very well written, very intense piece. Your words easily explain the steps you're describing by easily conveying your thoughts to the readers. It held my interest very well.
Always with respect,
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2013
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This was a very well written, very intense piece. Your words easily explain the steps you're describing by easily conveying your thoughts to the readers. It held my interest very well.
Always with respect,
Comment Written 04-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2013
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so happy to receive your kind words and thoughts. thank you very much. regards, mike
Comment from kiwijenny
What does it mean?................................don't feel bad .i just reviewed another poem that I got completely wrong so I won't even try................
I am tired and want it plain ...I'm not complaining just ......plain-ing.........so that no one has to ex-plain cos that's no fun ............thanks for the author note.
God bless
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2013
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What does it mean?................................don't feel bad .i just reviewed another poem that I got completely wrong so I won't even try................
I am tired and want it plain ...I'm not complaining just ......plain-ing.........so that no one has to ex-plain cos that's no fun ............thanks for the author note.
God bless
Comment Written 30-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2013
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hahaha. I know exactly how you feel. I think this is pretty difficult to explain and I am the author. so, I am hoping that it just evokes something similar to what I was feeling when I wrote it. too tired myself! another day? mike
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Another day will be great.....:o)
Comment from shortwerks
I like the momentum of this. Reminded me a bit of reading Bukowski. I could almost feel it in my body. Wonder if that's what you were going for...
My humble suggestions are mostly re line breaks. This is simply about the flow as I experienced it.
So, I would move "that" from the end of the fifth line and put it at the beginning of the sixth. I would let the word "unmoving" be on a line by itself.
That's it. Thanks for the mind-bendy read!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2013
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I like the momentum of this. Reminded me a bit of reading Bukowski. I could almost feel it in my body. Wonder if that's what you were going for...
My humble suggestions are mostly re line breaks. This is simply about the flow as I experienced it.
So, I would move "that" from the end of the fifth line and put it at the beginning of the sixth. I would let the word "unmoving" be on a line by itself.
That's it. Thanks for the mind-bendy read!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2013
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interesting. I will take a look and consider that. thank you for the suggestions. mike
Comment from Sankey
No errors and a complex piece of work. Would have to read it over a few times to grasp wherever it is going. Sorry to be so droll. Sounds like a walk through a cellar or underground place of some description.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2013
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No errors and a complex piece of work. Would have to read it over a few times to grasp wherever it is going. Sorry to be so droll. Sounds like a walk through a cellar or underground place of some description.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2013
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one of my rambling throw it out there in a fury type things. is that an actual genre? yes! it is. somewhat a cellar of my fears of throwing my life away and not being honest with the world. mike
Comment from adewpearl
excellent use of enjambment to keep your thoughts flowing from line to line
good internal rhyme in door in the floor
good alliteration in stupid splintered
and in sake of style
and in solid surface and other lines
I love the flow of ideas and the imagery and the evocative nature of your poem :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2013
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excellent use of enjambment to keep your thoughts flowing from line to line
good internal rhyme in door in the floor
good alliteration in stupid splintered
and in sake of style
and in solid surface and other lines
I love the flow of ideas and the imagery and the evocative nature of your poem :-) Brooke
Comment Written 27-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2013
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just delighted that you enjoyed this. your words are very encouraging and make me want to write some more. thank you very very much. mike
Comment from mickbey
Well, what does this mean? Hahaha, I didn't want to disappoint you in case no one else asked, but I'm not a "What does it mean" reader, I'm a reader who likes to experience something, and in this poem I did, of all the images flashing by, the style of writing kept my interest, love the way the last three lines ended it, an interesting and enjoyable read.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2013
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Well, what does this mean? Hahaha, I didn't want to disappoint you in case no one else asked, but I'm not a "What does it mean" reader, I'm a reader who likes to experience something, and in this poem I did, of all the images flashing by, the style of writing kept my interest, love the way the last three lines ended it, an interesting and enjoyable read.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2013
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thank you so much. ha! they did! I am with you. I usually can't quite explain myself so, never ask others for one either. glad you enjoyed. mike
Comment from madhatter1977
Hey Michael, that is great! Flows along so well for a long poem, internal rhyme and repetition used very well in the free verse format and stunning use of imagery. Real talent and very powerful. All the best, Pete :)
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2013
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Hey Michael, that is great! Flows along so well for a long poem, internal rhyme and repetition used very well in the free verse format and stunning use of imagery. Real talent and very powerful. All the best, Pete :)
Comment Written 27-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2013
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to the rescue! was just told this was pointless and senseless. so, thank you so much for righting my insecure little ship. I am please that you enjoyed this considering your own considerable talent. regards, mike