The Little Dog That Wouldn't Let Go
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "My Forebears Starting Poor & Reprise"Subtitle: God Never Lets Go!
47 total reviews
Comment from michaelcahill
Some great stuff in here. Packed full of interesting details. It is something how interesting all of this is really. Encouraging to me as I blather on in my own project. ha! We had folks in and out as well providing extra income to make ends meet. All pretty decent folk for the most part. Usually characters though so made it interesting for youngsters and their perspectives. A great opening to the book. Really grabs the reader and draws them in. Good humor throughout as well. A big asset there. A good little laugh here and there keeps a smile on your readers face. Great work. Your writing is much better I think than when I first started following the story. Well done. mikey
This has shaped up into a very professional format now. Reads without a hitch. I like the titles and all that, but that is my style too! You may get some grief from others, I do. Hahaha. Looks great.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2013
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Some great stuff in here. Packed full of interesting details. It is something how interesting all of this is really. Encouraging to me as I blather on in my own project. ha! We had folks in and out as well providing extra income to make ends meet. All pretty decent folk for the most part. Usually characters though so made it interesting for youngsters and their perspectives. A great opening to the book. Really grabs the reader and draws them in. Good humor throughout as well. A big asset there. A good little laugh here and there keeps a smile on your readers face. Great work. Your writing is much better I think than when I first started following the story. Well done. mikey
This has shaped up into a very professional format now. Reads without a hitch. I like the titles and all that, but that is my style too! You may get some grief from others, I do. Hahaha. Looks great.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2013
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Thanks mate with all the reviewers help I think we have honed our skill some more.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, sankey, you did an excellent job writing this story about the house you lived in after you were born and the fun you had in the years you stayed there. i like how your father built a flat in the back for your sister and her family. i love the picture
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2013
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this is very well written, sankey, you did an excellent job writing this story about the house you lived in after you were born and the fun you had in the years you stayed there. i like how your father built a flat in the back for your sister and her family. i love the picture
Comment Written 05-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2013
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Hi friend the flat my sister lived in comprised her own former bedroom and I think I explained Mum's sewing room was converted to a small kitchen and we had a door put in between the rest of the house and the flat (fourth bedroom). Going back and doing some more additions and edits as the reviewers are asking for. chapter 4 as now is an inserted addition about the pets. Just finished todday. Might have one more little bit for the part where I talk about all the flats and tenants etc. Thanks for the review.
Comment from c_lucas
You are doing a good job of telling your story. Somewhere you will meet a person who wants you to Show instead of Telling. The following is something to help you:
Formatting for easier reading
Block every paragraph. No indentation.
Line breaks to separate paragraphs
Line breaks to separate dialogue and to show who is talking
Line breaks to introduce beginning and ending dialogue
Extra line breaks to show changer of POV, time, and setting
*****
You are getting the gest of writing. Sometimes a narrative is best for your story. You have broken up the paragraphs and there is a certain smoothness to your writing.
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2013
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You are doing a good job of telling your story. Somewhere you will meet a person who wants you to Show instead of Telling. The following is something to help you:
Formatting for easier reading
Block every paragraph. No indentation.
Line breaks to separate paragraphs
Line breaks to separate dialogue and to show who is talking
Line breaks to introduce beginning and ending dialogue
Extra line breaks to show changer of POV, time, and setting
*****
You are getting the gest of writing. Sometimes a narrative is best for your story. You have broken up the paragraphs and there is a certain smoothness to your writing.
Comment Written 19-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2013
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I know people want me to add talking stuff to my Autobiography. Can't see how I can do that seeing it is mostly about me. Thanks for the help, done a few edits in here already will look at your list and see where it takes me. Thanks again for the review.
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Check Chapters 1>8. I use thought to show the story. If I can help you, I will do my best, let me know.
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have saved the helps you gave me here. Working my way up to Chapter 8 which I think I read today and chapter 7 from memory.
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I believe you have read 7 & 8
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Yep shoa have mate
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have done another big edti and addition to Chapter 1 and created a new Chapter four moving the old one forward, if you wanna check them thanks.
Comment from allborn66
This is a wonderful story. I like your voice. It seems that you have a lot to write about. I had a housing crisis with the birth of our first girl. There was not a room large enough to house three boys.
Barbara
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2013
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This is a wonderful story. I like your voice. It seems that you have a lot to write about. I had a housing crisis with the birth of our first girl. There was not a room large enough to house three boys.
Barbara
Comment Written 11-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2013
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Barbara it is only really since I came to FS the story has grown like some monster. I had a lot of this stored in Word and stuff for years but when I found FS on Face Book that was the inspiration to get moving on it. Actually I have had to copy backwards from FS to Word as I had done a lot more in here than before. Thanks again. We are not done yet. As someone in here said "Eedit, eadit, edit" hehe.
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I have gone back and read some of the chapters that I missed. I've read a few books about memoirs, and a few examples. I think I prefer the ones that incorporate fictional story characteristics, like story arcs. I'm working on incorporating them into The Heralds of Spring. Of course, I had intended it to be a quick explanation to one of my poems in the Author's notes. I soon realized that was not going to happen.
Barbara
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have done another big edti and addition to Chapter 1 and created a new Chapter four moving the old one forward, if you wanna check them thanks.
Comment from springrain
Hi Sankey, this writing is full of vigour, color and humor. You really manage to make your earliest years come to life.
Despite occasional problems and setbacks, these years seems to have been a quite happy and good time. Thanks for sharing and all the best to you. Olof
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2013
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Hi Sankey, this writing is full of vigour, color and humor. You really manage to make your earliest years come to life.
Despite occasional problems and setbacks, these years seems to have been a quite happy and good time. Thanks for sharing and all the best to you. Olof
Comment Written 11-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2013
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Thanks mate good of you to come through here. Always lovely when folks go trolling through some old stuff. Much appreciated.
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You are welcome Sankey
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have done another big edti and addition to Chapter 1 and created a new Chapter four moving the old one forward, if you wanna check them thanks.
Comment from lancellot
It is a very interesting look through the veil of time and space. How life was at that in Sydney seems like a different world in some respects, yet a few things are universal. Sharing rooms with siblings and making the best. Very good writing.
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2013
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It is a very interesting look through the veil of time and space. How life was at that in Sydney seems like a different world in some respects, yet a few things are universal. Sharing rooms with siblings and making the best. Very good writing.
Comment Written 31-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2013
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Thanks for the review.not sure if you were with me back when I did the original. Will look through and see if you were. Several folks said I needed to do more of my early days. Maybe even more will come out later. I have to also go through and realign the info for each chapter Author notes and so on as well. Thanks again.
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have done another big edti and addition to Chapter 1 and created a new Chapter four moving the old one forward, if you wanna check them thanks.
Comment from Ducorse
A very good first chapter. I enjoy your writing style. I don't see any SPAG. It's an interesting life so far...
Thanks for a great read.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2013
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A very good first chapter. I enjoy your writing style. I don't see any SPAG. It's an interesting life so far...
Thanks for a great read.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2013
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Thanks friend do come back you have about 16 chapters to go hehe I redid I think 6, 7, and 8 have some more to add to some of those, editing never stops huh!. Appreciate your visit thanks.
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Chapter 2 and Chapter 12 have both just had updates and edits if interested thanks
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have done another big edti and addition to Chapter 1 and created a new Chapter four moving the old one forward, if you wanna check them thanks.
Comment from 22allgood
I loved this chapter. It was so interesting to read about all the great innovations that your father had. The fire under the water to heat it up for the bath, wow, and the whirly thing. I'd love to see a photo of these things. Because I am only one year younger I can appreciate the times you were living in. I may be inspired to write as well. You have put down these facts in a wonderful way that is easy to read and easy to imagine how it was back then. A well-written chapter.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2013
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I loved this chapter. It was so interesting to read about all the great innovations that your father had. The fire under the water to heat it up for the bath, wow, and the whirly thing. I'd love to see a photo of these things. Because I am only one year younger I can appreciate the times you were living in. I may be inspired to write as well. You have put down these facts in a wonderful way that is easy to read and easy to imagine how it was back then. A well-written chapter.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2013
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Aww thanks friend. I am so glad you have come along. Maybe you can head up my Publishing team hehe
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Chapter 2 and Chapter 12 have both just had updates and edits if interested thanks
Comment from ReaThomas
Everyone's story IS interesting to someone, and you should be encouraged. I really enjoyed reading this. I found myself really drawn into your life, and enjoyed the little bits of humour throughout. I have one or two recommendations, if you're interested:
The fourth child and third son of Jack & Margaret - it is generally thought that you should always use the full version of numbers and ampersands in writing prose - so I would use the full "and" instead of & in this.
Also, there is quite a few times in which you have used semicolons. I would remove them where possible, in favour of commas. I also used them a lot in my writing, until the editor with my publisher asked for them to be removed - so I believe it is an industry-wide thing.
Thank you for sharing your story!
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2013
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Everyone's story IS interesting to someone, and you should be encouraged. I really enjoyed reading this. I found myself really drawn into your life, and enjoyed the little bits of humour throughout. I have one or two recommendations, if you're interested:
The fourth child and third son of Jack & Margaret - it is generally thought that you should always use the full version of numbers and ampersands in writing prose - so I would use the full "and" instead of & in this.
Also, there is quite a few times in which you have used semicolons. I would remove them where possible, in favour of commas. I also used them a lot in my writing, until the editor with my publisher asked for them to be removed - so I believe it is an industry-wide thing.
Thank you for sharing your story!
Comment Written 25-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2013
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Hi again thanks for the second review I appreciate all the advice I am getting from all you experts hehe
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Chapter 2 and Chapter 12 have both just had updates and edits if interested thanks
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have done another big edti and addition to Chapter 1 and created a new Chapter four moving the old one forward, if you wanna check them thanks.
Comment from Max Edon
I enjoyed reading this. I like your style of writing. You described a wonderful childhood. You do however tend to use too many commas. That slows the reader down a bit.
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2013
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I enjoyed reading this. I like your style of writing. You described a wonderful childhood. You do however tend to use too many commas. That slows the reader down a bit.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2013
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Hi Max, thanks for that stay on board and you will see an edit in a little bit. Probably not today ok! I actually reversed the order of Chapter 2 and 3 but seeing some are want5ing more background info I might have to re-reverse those back again as a lot of my "Mongrel" history is in the real chapter 2.
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You are welcome
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Struck a writer the other day using too many hyphens (-) instead of comma's hehe go figure huh! You might be right. I do a church web site (www.nepeanbaptist.org)and I get Missionary letters coming in with great big loooooong sentences I have to edit the backside out of before publishing on the site, hehe.Thanks.
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Hi max have not got(ten terrible American word hehe) back to you lately. have had some similar comments as yours about either semi colons or commas...someone even said something abot the latest chapter (No 4)regarding short lines. I absolutely loathe LONG SENTENCES, what about you?
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I don't loathe long sentences so much as run-on sentences!
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Chapter 2 and Chapter 12 have both just had updates and edits if interested thanks
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have done another big edti and addition to Chapter 1 and created a new Chapter four moving the old one forward, if you wanna check them thanks.
