A Collection of Dennis Clough's Wit
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Cold Case Murder in Story Land"Great stuff!
26 total reviews
Comment from bob cullen
Very creative, but a tad cruel. I was a bit disappointed the line, 'he cracked the egg case,' wasn't used. Love your imagination. Your writing overall impressed me. I wish you well in your future writing.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2021
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Very creative, but a tad cruel. I was a bit disappointed the line, 'he cracked the egg case,' wasn't used. Love your imagination. Your writing overall impressed me. I wish you well in your future writing.
Comment Written 27-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2021
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Thank you for your review. I like the "egg case" thing!
Comment from prettybluebirds
Ha, Ha, Ha, love it. I did spot one tiny error. You typed so how (to) you propose to do that. The word you wanted was (do) Otherwise, it is perfect and hilarious. This is an excellent entry for the contest. Good luck.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2021
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Ha, Ha, Ha, love it. I did spot one tiny error. You typed so how (to) you propose to do that. The word you wanted was (do) Otherwise, it is perfect and hilarious. This is an excellent entry for the contest. Good luck.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2021
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Where you when I needed you? 🤣 This is a repost from a few years ago. Thanks for reviewing!
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is fantastic, Deni! It was great fun to read, and well written I particularly like results of the crime so far: ""The Wicked Witch hired the Big Bad Wolf to do it and blame it on Snow White!"
Further investigation revealed that she then turned her hired killer into a frog, an agreed upon sort of underworld witness protection ploy." - Very witty.
Just one thing: I think there is a word missing in this sentence. "I would think the Seven Dwarfs would be (with?) snow white."
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2021
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This is fantastic, Deni! It was great fun to read, and well written I particularly like results of the crime so far: ""The Wicked Witch hired the Big Bad Wolf to do it and blame it on Snow White!"
Further investigation revealed that she then turned her hired killer into a frog, an agreed upon sort of underworld witness protection ploy." - Very witty.
Just one thing: I think there is a word missing in this sentence. "I would think the Seven Dwarfs would be (with?) snow white."
Comment Written 25-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2021
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The Snow White thing was a pun by my character to see if the "kid"picked up on it when he said he was investigating the 7 dwarfs. 🤣
Comment from royowen
I can see where you did well with this unique reenactment of the original kiddies stories, a couple undoubtedly from the Brothers Grimm fairy tales. But you are extremely creative Dennis, and this is a classic, beautifully written Bro, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2021
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I can see where you did well with this unique reenactment of the original kiddies stories, a couple undoubtedly from the Brothers Grimm fairy tales. But you are extremely creative Dennis, and this is a classic, beautifully written Bro, blessings Roy
Comment Written 25-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2021
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Thanks brother! We are about to feast with family as it?s Thanksgiving Day.
It should be every day I?m sure. Thankful for you brother Roy!
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I agree Dennis, have a great day in God my brother,
Comment from Jay Squires
Dennis, I'm gonna finish this and go over to vote for it in the Story of the Month contest. This showcases your irony and humor to a tee! Humor isn't the easiest form to write in because it's easy to lapse into excess and it simply gets silly. You maintained control throughout.
Here are some notes I made as I followed along:
I like to let 'em know whose in charge right from the get-go. You can't believe how they swell up if you treat them as an equal right from the get-go. [Hey Dennis, just a suggeston: using get-go twice in successive sentences creates a kind of disconcerting echo. Consider changing one of them.]
I fought it off, reminding myself that one of these kids was going to get my job someday and I was not about to help them. [... and I wasn't about to help HIM.]
"I would think the Seven Dwarfs would be snow white." [?? Do you mean they would be Snow White's. In any event, Snow White should be capitalized.]
Further investigation revealed that she then turned her hired killer into a frog, an agreed [... into a frog AND agreed ...]
A superb entry!
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2021
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Dennis, I'm gonna finish this and go over to vote for it in the Story of the Month contest. This showcases your irony and humor to a tee! Humor isn't the easiest form to write in because it's easy to lapse into excess and it simply gets silly. You maintained control throughout.
Here are some notes I made as I followed along:
I like to let 'em know whose in charge right from the get-go. You can't believe how they swell up if you treat them as an equal right from the get-go. [Hey Dennis, just a suggeston: using get-go twice in successive sentences creates a kind of disconcerting echo. Consider changing one of them.]
I fought it off, reminding myself that one of these kids was going to get my job someday and I was not about to help them. [... and I wasn't about to help HIM.]
"I would think the Seven Dwarfs would be snow white." [?? Do you mean they would be Snow White's. In any event, Snow White should be capitalized.]
Further investigation revealed that she then turned her hired killer into a frog, an agreed [... into a frog AND agreed ...]
A superb entry!
Comment Written 24-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2021
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Sorry Jay, since this is a repost your vote is a little late.😅 Thanks for the good tips however. The "Snow White" thing was my character sneaking a pun in to see if the kid caught it, hence no caps. Snow White in reference to the7 dwarfs was assuming them innocent. Thanks friend, Dennis
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Yes, I discovered that when I looked for the booths. If I'd given it a thought it was too late for November and too Early for December. Sorry.
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No problem, appreciate the effort😀
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Hilarious! Ingenious! Wonderful story narrated with wit and wry humor. I peg this as a winner. I expect to be back with congrats. Nothing remotely like this!
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2021
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Hilarious! Ingenious! Wonderful story narrated with wit and wry humor. I peg this as a winner. I expect to be back with congrats. Nothing remotely like this!
Comment Written 24-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2021
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Repost, the contest ship has sailed but I still love it. It was fun to write, but where was your vote when I needed it? 🤣 Happy Thanksgiving Day!
Comment from robyn corum
Deniz,
Well, well. Now I see exactly why this story was gifted with the nod toward Story of the Month. What a delightfully imaginative and fun trip! You had me smiling and admiring your creativity on this one all the way down.
I kept thinking it was crystal clear you'd had fun WRITING this which made it even easier to have fun while READING it. *smile*
Thanks for bringing it back around again!
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2021
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Deniz,
Well, well. Now I see exactly why this story was gifted with the nod toward Story of the Month. What a delightfully imaginative and fun trip! You had me smiling and admiring your creativity on this one all the way down.
I kept thinking it was crystal clear you'd had fun WRITING this which made it even easier to have fun while READING it. *smile*
Thanks for bringing it back around again!
Comment Written 24-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2021
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You read me like a book (a dog-eared book, that is).
Yes, going through the portfolio and this was a fun write about which I was still smiling when I reposted it. Thanks for the nice review and the smiles?say, haven?t I seen you around Story Land? Aren?t you Princess??
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Me? A princess? You've got the wrong girl. hahahaha
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I?m a Story Land Cop and I know a Princess when I see one?🤣
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hahahaha! You MAY need new glasses...
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🤣👍
Comment from barleygirl
Amusing & imaginative & clever story . . . congrats on being a finalist in the story of the month contest! A few of your lines are classic zingers: "It was pretty scrambled, but I found a good chunk of shell and ran it over to the lab for DNA testing." Good job! Good luck!
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2013
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Amusing & imaginative & clever story . . . congrats on being a finalist in the story of the month contest! A few of your lines are classic zingers: "It was pretty scrambled, but I found a good chunk of shell and ran it over to the lab for DNA testing." Good job! Good luck!
Comment Written 14-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2013
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Thank you so much, Barleygirl. Very kind of you! Dennis
Comment from Judy Couch
This is really cute and funny. I liked the way you included several different stories in the plot. For example: "Things crawl along slower than the Grasshopper dragging his violin on a snowy day looking for an ant nest." That statement is cute and creative. One thing you might want to change is: "I like to let 'em know whose in charge right from the get-go. You can't believe how they swell up if you treat them as an equal right from the get-go" You used the word "get-go" twice in close proximity to one another. The story is excellent and creative.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2013
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This is really cute and funny. I liked the way you included several different stories in the plot. For example: "Things crawl along slower than the Grasshopper dragging his violin on a snowy day looking for an ant nest." That statement is cute and creative. One thing you might want to change is: "I like to let 'em know whose in charge right from the get-go. You can't believe how they swell up if you treat them as an equal right from the get-go" You used the word "get-go" twice in close proximity to one another. The story is excellent and creative.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2013
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Thanks Judy, I appreciate your reading and commenting. I think the repetition you point out is usually not a good idea but I cut some slack when it's a quote since people really do use favorite phrases repeatedly in ordinary conversation. Although the sentence you commented on is not conversation, it is the private thoughts of the protagonist and I think is therefore included in said slack. :) Dennis
Comment from SaluteDobby
This was amazing, Deniz.
I LOVED it!! I don't even know where to begin. You have my vote for this story. It's so unique, refreshingly original and rib-ticklingly funny. I really liked the part about Doc and Dopey. :)
All the best with the contest!!
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2013
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This was amazing, Deniz.
I LOVED it!! I don't even know where to begin. You have my vote for this story. It's so unique, refreshingly original and rib-ticklingly funny. I really liked the part about Doc and Dopey. :)
All the best with the contest!!
Comment Written 10-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2013
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Thank you! I appreciate your kind remarks and encouraging words. Dennis
