The Intruder
100 - 150 word contest entry12 total reviews
Comment from Gargantuan2
Very nice 'tail' indeed. The words and length are fine and a little bit of mystery until the final sentence. I like final twists to a telling, so this was good to me. Good luck
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2013
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Very nice 'tail' indeed. The words and length are fine and a little bit of mystery until the final sentence. I like final twists to a telling, so this was good to me. Good luck
Comment Written 17-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2013
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Thanks for the excellent review. The Intruder was a competition winner.
Comment from Quillian
Great little story with a cat burglar as your hero! The only thing I didn't like (and I really didn't like it) was the required words being in italics. It really disturbed the flow of your story and chopped it up. I would think the trick would be to use them, but so smoothly and so much of the story, that one would have to go back and try to find them. Which you have done, except you have drawn attention to them. Don't need to. This is about the story and you have aced that. Just sayin'.
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2013
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Great little story with a cat burglar as your hero! The only thing I didn't like (and I really didn't like it) was the required words being in italics. It really disturbed the flow of your story and chopped it up. I would think the trick would be to use them, but so smoothly and so much of the story, that one would have to go back and try to find them. Which you have done, except you have drawn attention to them. Don't need to. This is about the story and you have aced that. Just sayin'.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2013
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Thanks for the excellent review - the vote too if that was you - My original entry didn't have the italics, but I guess I was influenced by another reviewer's suggestion.
Comment from SaluteDobby
Loved the unusual take on the prompt. You did think out of the tank..I mean, box! :) Loved the twist in the story. Poor fish, lucky Cat burglar (pardon the pun) :)
You have my vote, mystery writer!! All the best with the contest!
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2013
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Loved the unusual take on the prompt. You did think out of the tank..I mean, box! :) Loved the twist in the story. Poor fish, lucky Cat burglar (pardon the pun) :)
You have my vote, mystery writer!! All the best with the contest!
Comment Written 17-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2013
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Your vote was certainly welcome and put me in the winning spot. Thank you for the excellent review.
Comment from Rosalyne
Hi,
You have written a fun and clever story. I really enjoyed how you used the writing prompts. Well done.
Best of luck with the contest.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2013
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Hi,
You have written a fun and clever story. I really enjoyed how you used the writing prompts. Well done.
Best of luck with the contest.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
Comment Written 16-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2013
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Thank you for your review, Rosalyne and your best of luck wishes. I couldn't have asked for more.
Comment from angel123
Your poem is interesting and I enjoyed reading it. It flows well and I have no suggestions for any changes. Best
wishes!
Angel123
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2013
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Your poem is interesting and I enjoyed reading it. It flows well and I have no suggestions for any changes. Best
wishes!
Angel123
Comment Written 16-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2013
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Thank you for your review, and especially your best wishes - I reckon they influenced the voters in my favour!
Comment from A Matter Of Words
I would give you a six for this if I had it. I love the twist to this tale and the unique way you approached the challenge. Excellent job and the best of luck. It sounds like a winner to me.
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2013
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I would give you a six for this if I had it. I love the twist to this tale and the unique way you approached the challenge. Excellent job and the best of luck. It sounds like a winner to me.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2013
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It must have sounded like a winner to some other voters - it now carries the blue ribbon rosette! Thank you.
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You are welcome and CONGRATULATIONS!!! It is nice to have backed a winner.
Comment from Virginia Pike Gielow
This story is amazing with every sense utilized to put one in the situation. Every word was utilized brilliantly so that the entire story was easily visualized in my mind with a complete surprise at the end. Excellent!
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2013
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This story is amazing with every sense utilized to put one in the situation. Every word was utilized brilliantly so that the entire story was easily visualized in my mind with a complete surprise at the end. Excellent!
Comment Written 16-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2013
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Many, many thanks. I'm glad to have caught you out with the surprise!
Comment from Judy Couch
I enjoyed this story. I was prepared for a real murderer until the very last line. I liked the ending. Very well done story.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2013
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I enjoyed this story. I was prepared for a real murderer until the very last line. I liked the ending. Very well done story.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2013
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Thank you for the excellent review, Judy. Hopefully that little twist at the end will appeal to the voters in this competition.
Comment from barleygirl
Very clever & cute little story with a bit of a surprise at the end -- the intruder being a cat & being after the fish is a pleasant & humorous conclusion. Nice visuals helped the reader picture the whole scene! Good luck!
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2013
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Very clever & cute little story with a bit of a surprise at the end -- the intruder being a cat & being after the fish is a pleasant & humorous conclusion. Nice visuals helped the reader picture the whole scene! Good luck!
Comment Written 16-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2013
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Thank you for your excellent review. Voting in the competition is well underway, so I am holding my breath in hope. (oops, I've just breathed out again - I'll try again...)
Comment from mauial
I love stories with a twist and this definitely caught me by surprise at the end. So you did a great job in building the story to the surprise twist. One suggestion you might want to italicize the words necessary to fulfill the prompt so that reviewers can see it easily.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2013
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I love stories with a twist and this definitely caught me by surprise at the end. So you did a great job in building the story to the surprise twist. One suggestion you might want to italicize the words necessary to fulfill the prompt so that reviewers can see it easily.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2013
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Thank you for your excellent review and the suggestion about italics. I took that on board and made the change. Now I sit with baited breath hoping the votes pour in!