The Boat
A 5-7-5 poetry contest entry.214 total reviews
Comment from nivedh
nice 5-7-5.
i like your poem.
i like the style you have written.
Stone-still on the pier
yet I know not how to steer--
how did I get here?
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2013
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nice 5-7-5.
i like your poem.
i like the style you have written.
Stone-still on the pier
yet I know not how to steer--
how did I get here?
Comment Written 04-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2013
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Thank you very much for your generous review. :P
Comment from hubba marwa
Great! Great! Great! Very nice poem. you have created maximum of effect with the minimum of words! Your poem really grips the reader all along ! And the title is amazing !
Regards,
Hubba Khan :)
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2013
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Great! Great! Great! Very nice poem. you have created maximum of effect with the minimum of words! Your poem really grips the reader all along ! And the title is amazing !
Regards,
Hubba Khan :)
Comment Written 02-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2013
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I'm glad that you liked it so much! :P
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:)
Comment from JackBurroughs
i would have loved to see this not entirely rhyme. I think your discription is strong and would have loved maybe a AAB rhyme scheme so the last line would come across as a statement, an abrupt realization of where u are and why and how u got there. I completely related to its subject immediately and that is impressive. Great work can't wait to read more from you.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2013
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i would have loved to see this not entirely rhyme. I think your discription is strong and would have loved maybe a AAB rhyme scheme so the last line would come across as a statement, an abrupt realization of where u are and why and how u got there. I completely related to its subject immediately and that is impressive. Great work can't wait to read more from you.
Comment Written 27-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2013
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Thank you for your review :P I completely understand, it was just something different that I tried. This is the first 5-7-5 I have made. :P
Comment from Ilovevampire
Its good. You had explained the most common event in which all of us have faced. We are always walking forward with no sense of direction, and when we got lost, only then we stopped to wonder, which and where is the right path of our destination. Well done!
*I think I will most definitely 100% lose to you in this contest. :) But I am not going to give up.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2013
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Its good. You had explained the most common event in which all of us have faced. We are always walking forward with no sense of direction, and when we got lost, only then we stopped to wonder, which and where is the right path of our destination. Well done!
*I think I will most definitely 100% lose to you in this contest. :) But I am not going to give up.
Comment Written 27-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2013
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Thank you! :P that is so sweet! :P There is never a time to give up hope!
Comment from Alan K Pease
I made the same interpretation as you. Yours is the proper 5-7-5 poem according to present standards. I prefer the parent Japanese forms Haiku (celebrating nature) or like you have done more closely to a Senryu again 5-7-5 with its emphasis on human nature (and a little sardonic in this case which is really OK). But the 5-7-5 form is acceptable to this writing community and outside. Sagnik said you are beginning member. Good work and keep it up.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2013
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I made the same interpretation as you. Yours is the proper 5-7-5 poem according to present standards. I prefer the parent Japanese forms Haiku (celebrating nature) or like you have done more closely to a Senryu again 5-7-5 with its emphasis on human nature (and a little sardonic in this case which is really OK). But the 5-7-5 form is acceptable to this writing community and outside. Sagnik said you are beginning member. Good work and keep it up.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2013
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Thank you for the review :P I appreciate the comments and your take on it :P This was my very first attempt at writing a 5-7-5 and I didn't even know there as such thing as a Senryu. :P (tons of people have told me since I started.
Comment from lindalcreel
I always love the way that poetry allows the reader their own interpretation. I see someone walking towards the water and a storm is approaching. Do they run the other way; or brave the elements and dare to meet it head-on. That's the beauty of poetry. One small picture could be the beginning of a novel. Thanks so much for sharing.
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2013
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I always love the way that poetry allows the reader their own interpretation. I see someone walking towards the water and a storm is approaching. Do they run the other way; or brave the elements and dare to meet it head-on. That's the beauty of poetry. One small picture could be the beginning of a novel. Thanks so much for sharing.
Comment Written 23-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2013
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Yeah, I have always loved how poetry could build a picture so vivid and shocking to a reader. the funny thing is two different people could see it and it could be equally as shocking to both, but multiple viewpoints to the same poem.. (I'm rambling now!) I have always loved poetry, soon enough more of my work will be on here!
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Looking forward to it. I can listen to a song and have a story build in my mind. I guess that's why we have imagination.
Comment from w.j.debi
"How did I get here?" So many people can relate to that. Take a moment to look around every once in a while and assess if you know where you are going.
You succeeded in your intentions. This is a thought provoking poem with as many possible interpretations as there are people. I can see several myself depending on which line the reader concentrates on.
Hopefully we will be seeing more works from you.
Thanks for sharing your creation.
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2013
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"How did I get here?" So many people can relate to that. Take a moment to look around every once in a while and assess if you know where you are going.
You succeeded in your intentions. This is a thought provoking poem with as many possible interpretations as there are people. I can see several myself depending on which line the reader concentrates on.
Hopefully we will be seeing more works from you.
Thanks for sharing your creation.
Comment Written 23-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2013
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Thank you very much for the very kind review saying that you hope to see more from me! :P Trust me you will my friend.
Comment from Carolyn 'Deaton' Stephens
The question of our existence will be foremost and paramount in the minds of men until the end of time. I appreciate your profound words: I know not how to steer.
To quote Jeremiah, It is not in man to direct his own steps, as in the case of your marvelous poem, not in man to steer his own boat. Have a great day, keep doing well in your studies. :-) Carolyn
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2013
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The question of our existence will be foremost and paramount in the minds of men until the end of time. I appreciate your profound words: I know not how to steer.
To quote Jeremiah, It is not in man to direct his own steps, as in the case of your marvelous poem, not in man to steer his own boat. Have a great day, keep doing well in your studies. :-) Carolyn
Comment Written 20-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2013
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Thank you very much for your words and your wonderful complements Carolyn. Truly they hearten me that my words (petty as they are) could strike a cord so true. :P It is my only wish that my poetry would be heard and received like THIS :P
Comment from Sylvia Page
Stone-still on the pier
yet I know not how to steer--
how did I get here?
Simple, you have it all without breaking up the words into syllables. Great job, grreat words craftsmanship!
Best luck4U
Sylvia
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2013
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Stone-still on the pier
yet I know not how to steer--
how did I get here?
Simple, you have it all without breaking up the words into syllables. Great job, grreat words craftsmanship!
Best luck4U
Sylvia
Comment Written 20-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2013
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Thank you :P I appreciate your well wishing! :P
Comment from Charlene0513
We get lost in our everyday turmoils and problems that we forget to realize that our decisions are made sometimes
unscrupulously then we expect help to come to our rescue instead of asking God what He feels is best for you.
Charlene
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2013
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We get lost in our everyday turmoils and problems that we forget to realize that our decisions are made sometimes
unscrupulously then we expect help to come to our rescue instead of asking God what He feels is best for you.
Charlene
Comment Written 19-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2013
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Yes I know exactly what you mean, I only know that God is the only one able to help me.
