Commentary and Philosophy
Viewing comments for Chapter 79 "Loved One's Lament"My thoughts about t
16 total reviews
Comment from words
What a haunting expression of loss and grief. The stirring metaphor held throughout.
I found this stanza especially affecting:With white water rising 'round me rapidly,
Fight to free the Thee in me
While mighty flood gates hold back the water's flow
I refuse to let you go!
Hugs, d
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2013
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What a haunting expression of loss and grief. The stirring metaphor held throughout.
I found this stanza especially affecting:With white water rising 'round me rapidly,
Fight to free the Thee in me
While mighty flood gates hold back the water's flow
I refuse to let you go!
Hugs, d
Comment Written 08-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2013
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Thank you d, yes, you want hold on, but, of course it's impossible.
Comment from 9999pool
Wow! This is a six star write, but i have run out, so a virtual 6 ****** Stars. Why a six star?
On first read, it can be a personification of the atmosphere in the graveyard and then the author echoed back the thoughts of sadness with the demise of a loved one.
The black clouds of rain bursting inside the memories and swelling into a well of tears. Rivulets flow upon the cheeks and mingling with the rain - fusing into one big rainfall of tears as the skies open up to the sorrows and loneliness besetting us who are at the graveyard saying our last goodbyes.
The heaviness in the heart was very well captured in this simple write and weaved intricately within a sorrowful web of sadness and pain - they will never come back and we will not see their smiles again, ever.
I can feel the pain and the depth of losing our loved ones - but what else is there to do besides grief or maybe happiness that they are not home with Him.
See, this is a long review, Tom. Congrats on this six star write.
Cheerio, Ritchie. Have a great day and a good one!
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2013
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Wow! This is a six star write, but i have run out, so a virtual 6 ****** Stars. Why a six star?
On first read, it can be a personification of the atmosphere in the graveyard and then the author echoed back the thoughts of sadness with the demise of a loved one.
The black clouds of rain bursting inside the memories and swelling into a well of tears. Rivulets flow upon the cheeks and mingling with the rain - fusing into one big rainfall of tears as the skies open up to the sorrows and loneliness besetting us who are at the graveyard saying our last goodbyes.
The heaviness in the heart was very well captured in this simple write and weaved intricately within a sorrowful web of sadness and pain - they will never come back and we will not see their smiles again, ever.
I can feel the pain and the depth of losing our loved ones - but what else is there to do besides grief or maybe happiness that they are not home with Him.
See, this is a long review, Tom. Congrats on this six star write.
Cheerio, Ritchie. Have a great day and a good one!
Comment Written 08-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2013
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Thank you so much Ritchie. Your review captured the essence well.
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Hi Tom,
I have not only captured its essence but will also write a response poem to this beautiful six star write and dedicate it to you and your wife, smiles.
Cheerio, thanks for sharing. definitely a poem with a deep meaning for life.
best, Ritchie.
Comment from lakeport
Loved one's lament, indeed it is heartbreaking Loosing a loved one, that's an emotional expressed poem,nice rhyme and form,I enjoyed reading it, God bless you.lakleport.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2013
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Loved one's lament, indeed it is heartbreaking Loosing a loved one, that's an emotional expressed poem,nice rhyme and form,I enjoyed reading it, God bless you.lakleport.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2013
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Thank you lakeport.
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your welcome,Lakeport.
Comment from Joan E.
Thank you for sharing your appealing format and rhymes. I could feel the sadness, pain and loneliness, especially with the repeats in the final lines and intensification through the use of alliteration. Your photograph reinforces the lament. -Joan
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2013
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Thank you for sharing your appealing format and rhymes. I could feel the sadness, pain and loneliness, especially with the repeats in the final lines and intensification through the use of alliteration. Your photograph reinforces the lament. -Joan
Comment Written 07-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2013
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Thank You Joan,
Comment from adewpearl
solid use of rhyming couplets
good cadence that makes each line flow smoothly and good use of enjambment to keep the poem flowing from line to line
with white water rising round - a good example of excellent use of alliteration as is stormy sky suddenly
vivid descriptive detail with strong sensory appeal
you express the intense emotions of grief in a compelling way
Brooke
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2013
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solid use of rhyming couplets
good cadence that makes each line flow smoothly and good use of enjambment to keep the poem flowing from line to line
with white water rising round - a good example of excellent use of alliteration as is stormy sky suddenly
vivid descriptive detail with strong sensory appeal
you express the intense emotions of grief in a compelling way
Brooke
Comment Written 07-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2013
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Thank you so much Brooke. Your comments mean a great deal to me.
Comment from sunnilicious
Grief is a horrible thing. The process can be so long. And sometimes, we still never really understand death. Beautiful poem. Lyrical with a good flow of rhymes. Exceptional work.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2013
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Grief is a horrible thing. The process can be so long. And sometimes, we still never really understand death. Beautiful poem. Lyrical with a good flow of rhymes. Exceptional work.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2013
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Thank Sunni. Yes very long for some people.
Comment from dmt1967
This is a nice poem it is very poetic and as you know I am not really a poetic poem lover but it was a nice read very well written thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2013
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This is a nice poem it is very poetic and as you know I am not really a poetic poem lover but it was a nice read very well written thank you for sharing
Comment Written 06-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2013
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Thank you dmt.
Comment from Darkhorse555
it pulls at the heart when i saw the pictured headstones falling in tears wetting the eyes as you refuse to let go god bless you a loving piece
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2013
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it pulls at the heart when i saw the pictured headstones falling in tears wetting the eyes as you refuse to let go god bless you a loving piece
Comment Written 06-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2013
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Thank you Darkhorse.
Comment from ravenblack
Excellent use of form. Love all your iterations of water, the rain driving down, the angry storm- this poem is soaked with a controlled sorrow ( controlled in that you fully use the poetic toolbox to express it), the tears of loss potent.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2013
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Excellent use of form. Love all your iterations of water, the rain driving down, the angry storm- this poem is soaked with a controlled sorrow ( controlled in that you fully use the poetic toolbox to express it), the tears of loss potent.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2013
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Thank you Ravenblack. I appreciate your recognition of my thoughts.
Comment from Preston McWhorter
Hi, Treischel,
I find this work to be excellent poetry. It has excellent flow and rhyme and figurative language that evokes a sad mood.
I can feel my sodden clothes. I enjoyed this one.
Preston
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2013
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Hi, Treischel,
I find this work to be excellent poetry. It has excellent flow and rhyme and figurative language that evokes a sad mood.
I can feel my sodden clothes. I enjoyed this one.
Preston
Comment Written 06-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2013
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Thank you Preston.
