The Little Dog That Wouldn't Let Go
Viewing comments for Chapter 28 "Moving On To New Horizons"Subtitle: God Never Lets Go!
27 total reviews
Comment from royowen
I think I've been as upset with the Christian who preaches, (quite literally) that starting on the cleaning of the church toilets is starting at the top!. Jesus was the perfect servant, always prepared to mix with the outcast, not the rulers of the time. He called them "brood of vipers" or "whitewashed tombs". Elitism is as alive and well in the church as well as in the world, (not as much perhaps) but there are many dear people, (and lonely expletive as well) so well done Geoff, my empathy, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2017
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I think I've been as upset with the Christian who preaches, (quite literally) that starting on the cleaning of the church toilets is starting at the top!. Jesus was the perfect servant, always prepared to mix with the outcast, not the rulers of the time. He called them "brood of vipers" or "whitewashed tombs". Elitism is as alive and well in the church as well as in the world, (not as much perhaps) but there are many dear people, (and lonely expletive as well) so well done Geoff, my empathy, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 13-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2017
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Thanks Bro this was shorter as some have commented. I think you have been through with me on these befo0re but there has been some editing. Big change coming as I think you will remember.
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I'm on your side Geoff.
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Hey Bro Roy I don't seem top get notified of your poems and stuff so much now. I presume we are still fans? I am finding I am getting low on my favourite writers. I know some have passed on and left FS but just checking.
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No Geoff we're still mutual fans, I've only posted two this year. Still writing, just not on fanstory, I'm fine, still reviewing though. Happy Easter,
Comment from robyn corum
Sankey,
A bit shorter than your usual posts, leading me to believe you have more to share and didn't want to make this a long one. I read this with good cheer and was pleased with the writing. Good job.
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2017
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Sankey,
A bit shorter than your usual posts, leading me to believe you have more to share and didn't want to make this a long one. I read this with good cheer and was pleased with the writing. Good job.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2017
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Thanks, Robyn it is a bit shorter. If you look back there are some others with rewards still you may not have seen. Appreciate you coming by. Have to look for your stuff getting a bit short of writers to review.
Comment from SeanFox16
I found this chapter of your story quite riveting. I think we've all been there, looking for the perfect job, finding it, only to find out some of our colleagues are jerks. I'm not sure if there is such a thing as a perfect job. I think a lot of jobs fit for a while and then we get bored and move on. That's the nature of the beast I guess.
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2017
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I found this chapter of your story quite riveting. I think we've all been there, looking for the perfect job, finding it, only to find out some of our colleagues are jerks. I'm not sure if there is such a thing as a perfect job. I think a lot of jobs fit for a while and then we get bored and move on. That's the nature of the beast I guess.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2017
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Hi new friend. Glad to be making more friends. As I said to previous reviewer getting a bit short of readers to review. Glad you enjoyed this. If you stick around you will find more reasons why this job change was so important.
Comment from Thomas Bowling
Another interesting chapter. I glad that you shortened your posts. It makes the story much more readable. Keep with the new style.
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2017
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Another interesting chapter. I glad that you shortened your posts. It makes the story much more readable. Keep with the new style.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2017
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Hi mate, thanks for coming by. I tend to be a 'longwindicus' so short chapters are not normal. This is the beginning of the big change in my life so stick around.
Comment from Tomes Johnston
This is another interesting chapter to add to the collection that the author has created with this piece of writing. This is an interesting story of starting out on work life. I remember the several bad jobs that I have had in my life.
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2013
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This is another interesting chapter to add to the collection that the author has created with this piece of writing. This is an interesting story of starting out on work life. I remember the several bad jobs that I have had in my life.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2013
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Thanks mate this chapter is moving to Number 10 and 10 is coming back to here
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Ok.
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The transfer is complete now I believe. Some how when I added the new chapter 2 I messed up in the transferring to make room. Should be all good now thanks again for your speed read hehe. L9ordm Bless my friend.
Comment from michaelcahill
Spruikers. That sounds like just the job for me. Ha! If they could shut me up!! An interesting chapter here with the various jobs. This is top notch all the way through. Pulls the reader right in and keeps him. Sounds like Bill was a bit headstrong and got in over his head. I have worked for folks like that. They get threatened when someone gives them advice afraid that they are trying to take over or something. Silly folk, usually fail. Good interesting chapter here. mike
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2013
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Spruikers. That sounds like just the job for me. Ha! If they could shut me up!! An interesting chapter here with the various jobs. This is top notch all the way through. Pulls the reader right in and keeps him. Sounds like Bill was a bit headstrong and got in over his head. I have worked for folks like that. They get threatened when someone gives them advice afraid that they are trying to take over or something. Silly folk, usually fail. Good interesting chapter here. mike
Comment Written 19-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2013
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Thanks mate he was an old bloke and I think the guy that recommended me to him serviced his Thomas organ remember them?
Comment from Leineco
This is pretty good, but I think you need to do a better job of explaining
"Spruiking" (as in where did the word come from, examples of what were "announced" on the PA, etc....something to round that section out)
One quick typo note: Paragragh 3 and they were'nt coming across were'nt should be weren't :-)
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2nd look
Wow...there is a whole lot more info now :-) Nice job expanding this section.
Also, I liked the re-write on the "Spruiking" part...much more informative :-) (the author's notes are a nice touch too :-)
There are a few small construction issues in the following new section ( I made recommendations in parenthesis):
1- But, as I now know for sure(,) the company was just another "get rich quick thing" and quite definitely "*pyramid" (asterisk goes after the word) S(should be lower case s)elling, even though many of the more successful claim not so.
2- Because, as you can guess(,) every one you sponsor's purchases pushes your level up. (I think this is supposed to read every purchase made by people you sponsor pushes your level up)
3- Thing is,(move comma after though) though the lower level's hard work always pushes the Direct Distributors up even further(,) so they get even better bonuses at the end of the month.
Nice job, overall, on the re-write :-)
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2013
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This is pretty good, but I think you need to do a better job of explaining
"Spruiking" (as in where did the word come from, examples of what were "announced" on the PA, etc....something to round that section out)
One quick typo note: Paragragh 3 and they were'nt coming across were'nt should be weren't :-)
_________________________________________________________________
2nd look
Wow...there is a whole lot more info now :-) Nice job expanding this section.
Also, I liked the re-write on the "Spruiking" part...much more informative :-) (the author's notes are a nice touch too :-)
There are a few small construction issues in the following new section ( I made recommendations in parenthesis):
1- But, as I now know for sure(,) the company was just another "get rich quick thing" and quite definitely "*pyramid" (asterisk goes after the word) S(should be lower case s)elling, even though many of the more successful claim not so.
2- Because, as you can guess(,) every one you sponsor's purchases pushes your level up. (I think this is supposed to read every purchase made by people you sponsor pushes your level up)
3- Thing is,(move comma after though) though the lower level's hard work always pushes the Direct Distributors up even further(,) so they get even better bonuses at the end of the month.
Nice job, overall, on the re-write :-)
Comment Written 19-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2013
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Yeah thanks for the review had the weren't thg pointed out I got a bit frustrated as I had edited that a couple of times already hehe. YOU had a spag in reound too hehe. Thanks this is a first run of this particular Chapter or the new version of it anyway.
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Hi there I just went in again on my end the whole new bit was missing so I had to re-add it. Please check again if you have time.
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Hi there I just went in again on my end the whole new bit was missing so I had to re-add it. Please check again if you have time.
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Hi friend had not seen you for some time. I want to clse this chapter as it isd now incorporated in the new reorganized book at Chapter 10 part 2. If you have time please come over and have a look been a while since we saw you.
Comment from Curly Girly
This was an interesting read about your life back then.
You wrote:
and they were'nt coming across with that.
Suggest:
and they [weren't] coming across with that.
or:
and they [were not] coming across with that.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2013
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This was an interesting read about your life back then.
You wrote:
and they were'nt coming across with that.
Suggest:
and they [weren't] coming across with that.
or:
and they [were not] coming across with that.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2013
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Thanks for the review. Boy that was quick. Yeah the weren't were not thing I have a feeling I have edited that more than once Groan! Cheers.
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Hi there I just went in again on my end the whole new bit was missing so I had to re-add it. Please check again if you have time
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It looks okay, you wrote:
The times at G.B's worked in well
try:
The times at G.B.'s worked in well
The times at G.B[.]'s worked in well
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Thanks will get back to that about to go to tea here (supper?)
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Hi friend had not seen you for some time. I want to clse this chapter as it isd now incorporated in the new reorganized book at Chapter 10 part 2. If you have time please come over and have a look been a while since we saw you. May even be different to what you reviewed above as well sorry.
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
I am glad you said this is not complete and I agree. It needs to be expanded on some. Also. be sure to consistently space between paragraphs. Good luck with your revision~Deb
Reread, Rating increased~Debbie
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2013
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I am glad you said this is not complete and I agree. It needs to be expanded on some. Also. be sure to consistently space between paragraphs. Good luck with your revision~Deb
Reread, Rating increased~Debbie
Comment Written 19-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2013
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Hi Debbie Thanks for the review.Not sure when you came in. Have done a couple of edits on this today. Will go back and look as I have something else to check as well. It may never be complete but I deleted that remark so maybe you came in sooner.
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Hi there I just went in again on my end the whole new bit was missing so I had to re-add it. Please check again if you have time
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Hi there I just went in again on my end the whole new bit was missing so I had to re-add it. Please check again if you have time
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I reread this now that you have a much better story here. I changed your rating to 5~Debbie
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Thanks Debbie glad you came back. Can't say it won't change again hehe. probably come backj and edit some more later.
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Hi friend I want to close this "stand alone" chapter as it is now incorporated in the new reorganized book at Chapter 10 part 2. If you have time please come over and have a look been a while since we saw you. May even be different in the new set up than what you reviewd here about a years ago. Lot of changes ok!
Comment from aisha_
I think that this is wonderful. it was interesting in some points but in others it didn't quite grasp the readers attention. I mean no offense but in the future it would be nice if you could describe things more greater by using a vast amount of adjectives or onomatopoeic words. all in all I find that the English was very strong, the knowledge very great and understandable. in other words: You certainly know what you're talking about and for that I commend you. don't take to heart any offensive things that I may have said as I just did it for re viewings' sake.
hope you enjoyed writing this as much as I enjoyed reading it.
thanks
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reply by the author on 19-Sep-2013
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I think that this is wonderful. it was interesting in some points but in others it didn't quite grasp the readers attention. I mean no offense but in the future it would be nice if you could describe things more greater by using a vast amount of adjectives or onomatopoeic words. all in all I find that the English was very strong, the knowledge very great and understandable. in other words: You certainly know what you're talking about and for that I commend you. don't take to heart any offensive things that I may have said as I just did it for re viewings' sake.
hope you enjoyed writing this as much as I enjoyed reading it.
thanks
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2013
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Yeah well I am sorry you didn't think it was complicated enough. I will be moving this chapter next to the other chapter on my trips this is not a NOVEL this is an autobiography
